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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,My BF went to a bike rally for a week. He went out one night as did i. I call him at 2 am at the hotel and he was just getting in. He said tonight wasn't anything great. And i said you were with the guys? He said there was a group of us. But then i said again--just the guys?--and i think he answered yeah but then he said even if he was hanging out with other girls--you are the only one for me. This may sound sweet to others but i am taking it as--so he was hanging out with other girls which is not ok with me. I said what does that mean--so you were hanging out with other girls and he just said why are you starting an argument and going on from there. These answers just sounded so weird to me because he has never said something like that(even if i was hanging with other girls..)--and we both know we dont want each other hanging around people of the opposite sex. Do you think what he said means he was with other girls that night or he was just trying to say something nice but it just backfired because i got somewhat offended and mad--he never said i'm the only one for him either--it just feels he would answer that..no but even if i was..am i reading too much into things? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (19 May 2006):
 The others are correct. If you have issues, they may start with yourself. I have been there. What do you expect him to do when he is in the company of other women? Do you expect him to go and wait in the car? Do you expect him to put his earphones on, listen to music and zone out? That's not realistic. What is realistic is that before you came along, he was first and foremost, a human being. We are social creatures. At least we're supposed to be. We choose to be in committed relationships. That doesn't mean we'll never have other attractions, but, we control them. I thik you're asking your partner to live up to expectations you'd never be able to live up to yourself. Maybe you're projecting your previous thoughts or actions onto him.
Where would this type of behaviour of yours stop? Could he join female co workers at lunch in the company cafeteria? Could he sit next to women at a meeting? Could he join a cooking class where there would be mixed company? I think you get the point. You CAN NOT control people !! If you try, you'll only chase them away. Again, why should he limit his horizons because of your insecurity. Why don't you trust him?
Anybody could feel a little insecure knowing others of the opposite sex are out with their partner. That is life. Develop your relationship with your man. Let him know you love him. Set up realistic boundaries. But, don't overreact.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 It sounds to me like he was trying to say something nice.
It's not practically possible for him to avoid all contact with women when he's not with you. The world is full of women, and he's inevitably going to bump into some of them! You have to learn to trust him, or your lack of trust might eventually create the problems you are imagining.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (18 May 2006):
 I think the answer to your question is that I think there is a total over reaction here. At the end of the day your relationship should be based on trust. How old are you both?
Men do go out and women may frequent the same places so if you are not happy about him being around other women - what is the reason? Do you think he would go off with someone or is it that he should keep his eyes to the floor when other women are around? You have to be realistic here, men look at women and women look at men, it is the way of the world and if men and women can't talk without there being something sinister then it is a sad world.
Why did you not go to this event with him?
I think challenging him over the phone sounded like you were angling for an argument. Don't over react, if you got out with your friends - female and a guy talked to you would you ignore him because you are going out with your boyfriend?
You have to maintain trust in a relationship and if there are chinks in that then you need to address them.
BFN
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A
female
reader, lostwithoutyou +, writes (18 May 2006):
hi firstly dont panic your just thinking what anyone would think. anyone who has a boy or gf would be a bit nervous to hear that they were hanging out with the opposite sex. i was when i found out when my bf rang me to say he was at a girls party. you reacted exactly the same way as i did and ur bf reacted the same way mine did. he doesnt wnat to loose you if he sed hanging but talk to him about how you feel and you didnt man to ask questions if he replys with the answer you dont want to hear then go form there but i hope i wa sof some help xxxxx
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A
female
reader, lostwithoutyou +, writes (18 May 2006):
hi firstly dont panic your just thinking what anyone would think. anyone who has a boy or gf would be a bit nervous to hear that they were hanging out with the opposite sex. i was when i found out when my bf rang me to say he was at a girls party. you reacted exactly the same way as i did and ur bf reacted the same way mine did. he doesnt wnat to loose you if he sed hanging but talk to him about how you feel and you didnt man to ask questions if he replys with the answer you dont want to hear then go form there but i hope i wa sof some help xxxxx
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A
female
reader, CRose +, writes (18 May 2006):
Relationships with members of the opposite sex are just as important as those with family, co-workers, etc. If the reason you don't want him to have female friends is because you don't trust him, there may be deeper issues to consider. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust. Wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, CRose +, writes (18 May 2006):
Relationships with members of the opposite sex are just as important as the relationships with have with our family, co-workers, etc. If the reason you do not want him to be around other women is because you can't trust him, there may be deeper issues to consider. You can't have a healthy relationship without trust. Wish you all the best.
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