A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For some time now, it has been a dream of mine to join the military. I was in ROTC for a bit in college but to be honest, did not succeed very well. I got out after a year but then after graduating with my degree about 2.5 years ago, I got the same feeling that I really wanted to join. I have a boyfriend of 3 years who was in the Marines for 13 years and he assisted me in researching and even going to a recruitment office. We talked about this goal of mine extensively. However, he told me at one point that he felt I was going for the wrong reasons and it actually made me start to doubt myself and being a person who is usually independent, I'm ashamed to admit I quit the endeavor of joining. It seemed to me that he felt I would not be successful.Yes, I would like to join for a lot of personal reasons. I feel that I have a lot of potential to tap into that for some reason has been difficult for me at this point. I believe it would be a good experience.I am now going to be 25 in February, my boyfriend is 12 years older than me, and we do discuss getting married and having kids. So, my question is, considering my reasons for going in, my boyfriends comment, my age and his age and our desire to have kids, is it too late to join? Would I be selfish in considering this for myself at this point?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 Don't give up on this for a guy, OP, especially when your reasons sound very valid.
Follow this goal and only settle down when you're ready to, not just because of your partner's age - you both need to be ready and committed to each other and parenting, but you should explore your desires first.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst off, thank you Denizen and Honeypie for taking the time to answer my question.
My reasons for joining are not completely for personal reasons. I've always wanted a career that involved helping others. War has been quite common throughout history but why not help those who require assistance during or after combat? I wish to work as a counselor, and sure I could pursue that career elsewhere in other environments or facilities but the military also gives me the opportunity to achieve a type of personal success that may be difficult to find in other places. It's not better, it's just different. The physical challenge of it intrigues me as well. It's like the example Honeypie gave about the woman who simply wanted a better life for herself. The military is a challenge and something to be proud of.
War is going to happen and I've seen personally how veterans struggle with mental illness and transitioning into the civilian world. My reasons are not all altruistic but I feel the military would help me be a better professional and a better person overall.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 September 2016):
 No Denizen, joining the military is not about becoming a professional killer.
There are plenty of NON-combat MOS's. There is Communications, Logistics, Cooks, Mechanic, Medicine, Intelligence, HR, Finance.... just to mention a few. While you STILL have to go through basic training, learn how to fire a weapon these MOS's are NOT on the front lines. Though some CAN be in war zones. MANY of these can be used in civilian jobs later on too.
In the US a LOT of younger people join the military to get an education as you can earn "free education" through your contract.
Some join the military to FEED their family, some to take care of family's medical needs. There are PLENTY of reason other than "I'm doing it for my country". Though there are plenty who join out of pride for their country and because of family traditions.
I have, as a military spouse met many people with VERY different reasons to join, so there is no "right" reason or "wrong" reason to join. Just o mention a weird one, one of my husband's friends were in a Scout unit and his GF was a driver (huge huge trucks) she was a stripper before joining. She wanted to DO something with her life, something better. THAT is why she joined. And you know what? She felt super accomplished driving these huge vehicles and learning to maintain them.
Just felt like that needed to be said.
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As for you OP, 25 is not too late. And if it's something you WANT to do I say go for it. Now you may not make it through Basic, you may not like it, but NOT even TRYING for it is like giving up beforehand and that is something you will regret later. This is NOT your BF's decision, but yours. While you two ARE a couple and things like this should be discussed the ULTIMATE choice lies with you, it's YOUR future. He might or might not be part of that 5 years from now. YOU will.
What MOS are you thinking? What branch?
Having kids in the military is not uncommon for female soldiers, but you NEED to have a family care plan ASAP when deciding to have children. There are a LOT of things available for active duty moms. 24-hour day care etc. (though you pay for that).
My advice? Go for it, BEFORE you have kids. But don't do it half-assed.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 September 2016):
Ignore your boyfriends age; he's not at the same life stage as you, so you still have time to do things you want to do. There are very few times it's a good idea to pass up exploring your own desires for your partner and this isn't one of them.
He needs to be with someone who wants kids now and doesn't have anything niggling at them that they want to do. You are much younger and need space to do your own things and live your life before having a baby.
I think your ages may make you incompatible because he wants to be a parent right now and you need to be selfish and follow your goals.
I know you love him, but don't be held back when being without kids is when you're supposed to focus on yourself.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (28 September 2016):
 I also wonder at your reasons for wanting to join. A fundamental part of the job is killing people professionally How does that stack up with bringing new life into the world? Don't get me wrong. I am not a pacifist. However I recognise that it takes a certain type of person to thrive in the forces.
Plot out your reasons and see if there is another job that would satisfy your qualities - like being a park ranger for example or an Outward Bound instructor.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (28 September 2016):
 If your boyfriend believes that you're joining for the wrong reasons, maybe this is something that you should explore first. You could talk this over with the recruitment office, you'd not be under any obligation at that early stage. You don't want to give up too early on this, or you will always be thinking about it, possibly regretting not joining. But it is a huge commitment, and you really should be joining for the right reasons. Good luck xx
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