A
female
age
30-35,
*aylormarie421
writes:I am going through a really hard time and im looking for some guidance or advice. im sorry if my questions seem all over the place but here i go. I have been dating my boyfriend since march of 2007... we have been through so much togethor and that is one of the reasons i hold him so close to my heart. We broke up this past August 2009 for about 2 months... we were living in a house togethor at the time which i moved out of. we were having alot of problems he wasnt talking to me about how he felt and he was always running from home and i was always by myself. When we had broke up i tried to contact him various time to talk to him to patch things up but there was no answer. Later i saw that he had moved into this 29 year old womans home who had a 3 year old son. Mind you we are currently 19... years old. i was hearbroken i mean we had just broken up! i had to see pictures of them and it killed me. He contacted me Nov 1st... and i took him back because i loved him and i knew he was confused and most of all i knew he loved me. We are family. No soon than 2 weeks later, she 29 year old woman is saying she is pregnant. I know my boyfriend and he is smart the 3 years we have been togethor we have always used protection so why would he not now? he swore to god that he did and i belive him. This baby is due july 12.... and im certian it is his... all the dates match up and he moved in with her i mean... really. he says that he wants nothing to do with the kid if its his and he will pay child support. but in my heart i know its not the right thing ( i was adopted as an infant) but because of where i stand in this.... i really dont care. I would hate to see this baby because all i could think about is how he did this to me. I love children and i have wanted nothing more since day 1 than to start a family of our own once we are married and financialy stable. but this throws a big wrench in the middle of my plans. not only that... but it tears my heart into peices. what if he says he wants nothing to do with it......and then all of a suddon he does want this kid in our life? i relize this woman was just a rebound... and he knows how much it hurts me and i know he has learned his lesson. because we are honestly happier than ever.... and i am confident that our relationship will last and we will get married.... but..... i dont know how to live with this pain inside of me that he has caused
View related questions:
broke up, moved in, moved out Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 April 2010):
Just leave. You can't trust, him, it's not working out and if he's having a baby with another woman, you'll never again be the priority in his life. Just leave him.
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (9 April 2010):
WALK AWAY. You are just 19, you so MANY MANY years left ahead of you where you can date and eventually find the perfect man for you. It is all too easy to think that you have already found "family" as you say but do you think you want to have a stronger attachment to a man and long term relationship due to your own experiences of being adopted?
Talk to anyone who is older than you, when it comes to relationships and meeting "the one" life has a way of giving you plenty of choices! Over the coming years you are going to change so much as a person, and meet so many great and interesting different people.
It's a tragic shame what happened with your boyfriend, but it is HIS mistake and if you stay with him, it is seriously going to impact your life. Can you 100% sure say that he is your soul mate and you want to be together forever? Are you being honest with yourself or just afraid of the heartache and feeling of loss that breaking up and loosing him will mean? That painful feeling - its temporary, and, in my opinion, worth going through to eventually loose the heartache of the whole baby situation that you have. Also look at it this way, you were arguing enough that you split up in the first place. That is not a sign of a relationship that's working out, especially at your age when things should still be good.
You are at such a great age in your life where you should be having (mostly innocent) fun and enjoying life! This decision I'm afraid to say is one you need to make very carefully as it's going to change the entire course of your life. I hope it all works out for you sweetie.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 April 2010):
 You were not meant to be together in this life.
It is easier to walk away from this mess than to try to salvage the unrepairable ship.
Cut your losses and move on.
Save yourself more heartaches and have a clean break.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision  +, writes (9 April 2010):
I was in your EXACT position. I was with my ex for 3 years, then I told him we needed a break because he needed to sort his life out (he didnt have a job, needed to get his priorities in life straight, he had emotionally cheated on me before) Anyway during this time apart, he slept with someone else, this went on for 6 months before I found out, mind you 3 of those months he was STILL living with me and begging me to let him come home the other 3 months. Anyway when I found out, this girl was 2 months pregnant with his child.
I heard all the excuses under the sun, I was told soo many promises, he told me he wanted nothing to do with the child etc. I told him never to come back, so he went straight back to her, meanwhile during her pregnancy he was still trying to get me back. Fast forward to the child being born.. I thought I could handle it and be ok if he was truly sorry etc. This man begged me to give him another chance, and I actually entertained the idea.. However all the while he was telling me one thing and spending time with me, but then he would go over and play happy family with her and the child. Actions speak louder then words and his actions have proven I dont mean shit to him even though he pleads Im all he ever wanted, he wants a family with me and he wants to spend the rest of his life making it up to me. Yeah I dont think so! When the person you love the most does something like this to you... it just shows how selfish, deceitful and down right how horrible they are and they care about nothing and no one but themselves. Ive fallen for his promises so many times since the child has been born..but then I find out its just all lies. I know he is very sorry there is no doubt about that, but I cant allow myself to be with him anymore, this isnt the first time he has hurt me regarding other girls, Its not easy to cut yourself from the one person you loved so deeply, and especially when they say all the things they KNOW you want to hear..however they dont have meaning behind it because again, its just more lies to get you to take them back. Im still trying to let go of my ex.. its so hard and he makes it harder by contacting me and not leaving me alone.
Dont stick around - once the child is here it will break your heart all over again.. when i saw the photos of his child it killed me because she looked exactly like my ex. Ive seen photos of him cuddling the baby on HER bed, he was supposed to share that experience with me not some young random girl.. But just remember that everything happens for a reason, and as hard as it is to believe that, one day a guy will come along and be everything you deserve.
...............................
|
