A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me an my boyfriend live together. We have an eight month old. He workd a 9-5 and i am almost done w/ college so i stay home w/ the baby accept for tue and thurs when i go to school. My boyfriend goes out every weekend fri, sat. Sometimes he does not answer his phone. Also when i go out he does not really call. He says me not trusting him and calling him numerous times when hes out is affecting him b/c it annoying. Should i just trust him. He says that just b/c we have a baby does not mean his social life is going to stop. On top of that all of the friends he hang out w/ are single. Please help it is hard being home alone w/ the baby on the weekend wondering what hes doing so late at night. shouldn't he be home w/ me. What does this say about our future? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, toocutetobelonely +, writes (18 July 2015):
My so called boyfriend does the exact same thing every single Friday n Saturday. I have complained, cried and ask for some of his weekends also. Why can't we go out. Obviously there's something pulling them out there.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): I agree with the first poster....first off, it disturbs me that you are merely living together and have a child, and your boyfriend is saying things to you like his social life is not going to stop just because he has a baby and not to call him......If he was mature enough to have a baby with you, then he is mature enough to step up to his responsibiliies and marry you and giving your child his last name, he is mature enough to share his responsibilities caring for both you and his child.
The fact that he is not is speaking volumes about how he feels about his life situation, he should be honest with you if he does not want to make a family with you, so that you can start your life over with someone else, or on your own making plans that don't have to include him, because that is what he is trying to do with you.
Being at home all day alone with an infant is stressful and rewarding, having a guy who wants to be an absentee dad is not fair....he should care about keeping his relationship with you going, like getting a babysitter and spending some of that beer money on an outing with you on the weekends, of course he can have a night out with the boys on occassion, but to make it his right to be gone every weekend is damn cruel....and if he doesn't get a clue now then there will be more of the same down the road.
The only person's behavior that you can change here is your own....next time he comes home on a Friday, be all dolled up, hand him the baby, kiss him on the cheek and tell him you are going out, you don't even have to be really going anywhere other than to the store, but tell him you were invited out by some friends, and don't wait up....don't text him, don't call him, and the next time he calls you for a regular check in, don't pick up, let him start worrying about you....in short don't be a doormat, you teach people how to treat you with what you will tolerate from them.....remember that and let that be your guide to affecting a change in him.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 Where does he go? What time does he come home? He has the right to go out but perhaps he's overdoing it. It sounds like under these circumstances he's neglecting your relationship. I don't know the dynamics of the relationship so it's hard to really say. Why do you feel the need to call him when he goes out?
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A
male
reader, DanBing  +, writes (5 August 2007):
 He is not being totally fair.
Yes you should trust him if he hasnt given you reason to not!
Yes his social life should not completely stop but he has to take far more responsibility and cut down on his social life. Maybe one night out of the two, even then i think its too much, he should be spending time with his child and you!
I dont think you shoud call him too much. Maybe one text or call to see if hes alright etc.
He has some growing up to do by the sounds of it.
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A
male
reader, boyo9876 +, writes (5 August 2007):
Your boyfriend needs to learn some responsibility. Having a child does affect your social life, no way about it. Also if he cared for you then he'd want to stay at home and see you.
He sounds very selfish and like he's living life as if he's single when he's clearly not.
Tell him you're going out with your girlfriends and he's babysitting next saturday. If he kicks up a fuss tell him he needs to grow up and take half of the responsibility of his child. Its as much his as it is yours.
Men like your boyfriend make me mad. They give us all a bad name.
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