A
male
age
30-35,
*lawedbynature
writes:Cupid,Thanks for hearing out my question. I'm a 17 year old male from New York City, turning 18 soon. I met this girl three months ago and started going out with her a week later; I really connect and click with her. I was a virgin until recently, and it was the first time for both of us. I expected it to hurt for her and it did, so I was really good about it. What I'm worried about, is the second, third and fourth time we tried. She said it didn't hurt, but during intercourse she would say "ouch" every once in a while. She's only having sex with me because she wants to make me happy, but I really don't want to see her hurt because of it. The second, third and fourth times we tried it were about two weeks after the first (she went to a summer house, so I couldn't see her). So, I decided not to have sex with her until I can find a solution or an explanation, because what really makes me happy is seeing her happy.I can finger her fine, that doesn't hurt her at all. It's only when we have sex, which makes sense. Being a guy, of course I would like to have sex with her, but before I do that I want to make sure that she finds it pleasurable and that she isn't hurt anymore by it. What I want to know is if this is normal, and if there's a way to have sex that won't hurt her? Or, is the solution just to wait?Thanks for any answers I receive! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): SumYungGuy is right about the making sure she is properly aroused. I had this same problem and my Dr. told me a few things that might help... women need to be in the mood for sex and this can take a few hours. when a woman is aroused she will get 'wet' but also there are ligaments that will pull the uterus up into the body, thus proving more room for the male. if she is uncomfortable about having sex or is only doing it to make you happy then these things might not happen because she is really 'not in the mood.'
A
male
reader, flawedbynature +, writes (5 August 2007):
flawedbynature is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments, everybody. I figured that it would be normal, but I deeply care for this girl and I really hate seeing her in pain, it turns what's supposed to be an act of pleasure and of expressing feelings for one another into something distasteful. There's no question that she's willing to do it again, we talked about it last night. But, again, I hate seeing her hurt. Maybe i'm just weird, most of my friends talk about sex as something to do for yourself and only for yourself...but I find myself thinking about her more than I think of what pleasure I feel.Anyway, I will definitely try the excess in foreplay, that sounds like a good idea. I read that lube might make it easier, but I think that would be an odd thing to pull out, lol. Maybe it'll make it more pleasurable for her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2007): well it does hurt the first couple of times a girl has sex so dont worry she clearly cares a lot for you and she probaly thinks that the more she has sex the less it will hert which is true and yes it is normal i am sure you can get somthing to help you out it should not be hard hope it goes wellxxxxx
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A
male
reader, teddybear143  +, writes (5 August 2007):
Hi,
i think im noone to be telling how to have sex.. but i guess u need to think of it this way...
if it hurts her and u dun wanna see her hurt, try talking to her about it? if shes willing to wanna try it again... then dont think of it as sex, think of it as making love and be gentle and nice and pleasurable for both of you...
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A
male
reader, SumYungGuy +, writes (5 August 2007):
 I like your last sentence "...Or, is the solution just to wait?". I say stop and wait (for marriage) - which is coming from the religious side of me.
However, if she's experiencing that much pain during sex, she should see her OB/GYN.
Also, making sure she's properly aroused through lots of foreplay and ensuring she's well lubed (wet) for penetration. A finger is nothing compared to an erect penis trying to get in there.
But, again - read my first sentence.
Hope this helps.
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