A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have grown up with a group of girls who I have known since nursery age and as we have all grown up we have been with each other through a lot. When I recently had my daughter, a particular friend told me that I was stupid to have a child so young (I'm 24) and asked why I would want a baby with my boyfriend when I run a risk of having an ugly baby. Now, she was drunk as it was a birthday night out and she has said sorry since to both me and my boyfriend who she also insulted on the same night. However now she has asked me to be her maid of honour in her upcoming wedding this winter, however since this all happened we haven't been as close and she has only met my daughter three times since she was born in early April. I feel like what happened has pushed us apart, probably blame is on both parts but I'm not really comfortable with being her MOH when there is still tension in the air. We were never the closest out of the four, so I was surprised when she asked me. My boyfriend thinks it may be to make up for being a rubbish friend the past few months after we feel out, while my mum thinks I'm over thinking it and we have been friends too late to let something like that bother me. What do you guys think?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 May 2015):
 I tend to agree with your BF, this is probably her way to make it up to you after having being a " rubbish " friend in the last few months. ( Although, I must say , like another poster has remarked, that seeing your baby THREE times in a month does not sound too little at all , for someone who's not close family and has got her own life and... is organizing her wedding ! ) Probably she means it like extending you an olive branch.
If you do not feel like taking this olive branch with all your heart , though, just turn the invitation down politely. As most people noticed, being MOH is a demanding task and if you aren't MORE than happy to do it, you'd better leave it to somebody else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015): Is she going to be expecting you to organise loads - some people expect the maid of honour to be the one who organised the hen party,arranges all the other bridesmaids, gets people up and dancing in the evening...If you don't fancy all that then say that you are honoured she asked you, but that you feel you won't be able to do that is expected of you as you are busy with your newly arrived daughter. Is your daughter coming to the wedding too? You could say you would be busy with her. It just sounds like she realises she was a total cow and is trying to make it up to you but you don't have to do it x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015): MMmmmm, OP, first of all, from my pov 3 times since April (given is now May) is not "little" at all.I know that your daughter is the centre of your universe (and that's commendable!),so to you it might feel like nothing to you, but to her it probably felt as too much already.Yes, what she did is reprehensible and I'd be upset too.She should not have done it.BUT, and there's the rub, some people just can't stand babies.Actually, quite a few people, considering how there was PR recently about offering more expensive, "baby-free" flights... Sad, but there it is. Also, tbf, if I have to be honest, even though I adore babies, whilst I'm travelling UNLESS it's a child of my own, I'd probs go for one of those flights... And that says a lot. She's precious to you, she's the most beautiful-to you. And rightly so!But to others...let's just say that might not be so.I don't think she really judges your baby.I think she judges YOU-and is NOT because of you! It is because she would have NEVER done it in YOUR place.That's how people tend to judge what's wrong/right... By what they THINK is wrong or right and what they would have done.IN THIS case: you say she's getting married and has no children? I bet the offence hurled at you is because you are NOT married (you say "bf" NOT husband) and you have a CHILD.ANY child of yours would have offended her-because you live OUTSIDE of HER norms of decency (i.e. get married first, then children) and YOU are HAPPY. Or seem so-how dare you,sort of thing? I think that's what got so much vitriol in her- i.e. "how dare you be so happy when you clearly don't deserve it coz you live so outside the acceptable social norms?" Note that I don't think what you've done is terrible- I think is smart. By the time you're 50, you'll be sipping a beer with your daughter in the pub.I can bet you anything that your friend will wait till she has "saved enough" to have a child. Some people don't understand that you can never be fully prepared and you never know what will happen in life.As to "your baby is ugly and your bf too" comment- I'd say that shows that SHE is UGLY. On the inside. Drink or no drink in her, she should not have said that.It just shows her as a very shallow person, who is really interested in looks. This comment could come to haunt her when she has her own!!!I hope she'll then understand you only care for them to be healthy and well! If you want to be the bigger person and be like "oh, it's water under the bridge" then great. If she continues being toxic, you can just cut her out of your life at a later date/at any point, no??IF however you are really uncomfortable-just say so and don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with.Sorry for waffling.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 May 2015):
 If I were you I'd consider IF you are willing to DO all the work a MOH does. THERE are a LOT of things the MOH is in charge off.
So decide if you WANT to do it or not first. If you do, take it as an olive-branch and DO the BEST job as a MOH can do.
If you don't, let her know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2015): Friends don't say things like that to each other. S what she was drunk? You know what they say about drunk talk....
I would refuse if I was you. Trust your instincts. If you don't want to be the maid of honor then don't..
You have a right to your feelings and opinions ,don't listen to what anyone tells you
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