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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: So my boyfriend is a very big pothead, and I can't stand smoking weed. I have told him several times how I feel about it and I'm not asking him to stop altogether, I just want him to not do it everyday like he does now. It's senseless and he always makes excuses why he does it and I always prove them wrong. He says its not worth losing me over, but I don't see that as the case because he tells me I just need to deal with it because it's what he does and who he is. When he goes days without it we are so much better off. I'm not sure on what to do, and I am in desperate need of help. I love him but is it worth the pain to me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): I just stumbled onto this blog looking for answers to this very question.
I try not to be a controlling girlfriend but it really bothers me when my boyfriend smokes pot all the time. He never does it around me because i would dump him immediately but it still bothers me that he does it so casually and often.
when we first began dating he knew that i didnt approve of him smoking and so he said that he would cut back to special occasions. at first it worked, but recently i was over at his house and a room mate knew to ask him if he wanted to light up when we were in the middle of watching a movie. (which proves to me that hes back to doing it at random times and frequently, how else would she know to ask him?)
i really care about him and he says that he feels the same way but im just not so sure.
this is our only conflict but its really making me miserable. im constantly questioning myself about it and if its right for me to be bothered by this. am i making a big deal out of it? is he respecting me enough?
we've had lots of fights about it and it goes nowhere. he says that its a part of who he is. (*i roll my eyes*)
what do i do???
A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (16 April 2008):
As someone who has lots friends who 'enjoyed' drugs and alcohol I really hope your BF doesnt go down that route. Many of them started smoking pot first.. just messing with it, no big deal right?? Wrong, maybe your BF will not do anything else but how do you know for sure?
If he doesnt stop then be strong and move on.
Hope it all works out for you.
Dr T
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Hi
You're trying to change someone. That wont work in the long run. People should change when they are ready.
We all have choices and if we meet someone that does things we dont like then we shouldn't get with them, and should move on til we meet someone that has the qualities we look for. Its simple really.
I wouldn't date someone that takes any illegal drugs. And if they lied saying they didn't and i found out they did, i wouldn't stick with them. But ive got 2 kids.
Just my opinion.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Sorry you're having this problem, especially at your age, but as a mum of a daughter who started on pot quite young I have to tell you its not good news. I also had dealt with alcoholics in my family, of which there are many, so when she started on pot I was very well equipped to deal with it. All I did was tell her I didn't like or approve or what she was doing, but that I couldn't stop her or control her. I told her that she would never be allowed to do that in my house, and that if she got hooked on to anything stronger, I would not be responsible for her in any way - in other words, if she got herself into a mess, I would not get her out of it. It worked like a dream. Her fun was spoiled once she knew I knew about it and at least while she lived here she never did it again. So I guess what I'm saying to you is, you're not his mum, but you can tell him he is making a choice, that choice is making a problem in your relationship, therefore it is a problem whether he likes it or not. You can then either leave the relationship, or you can tell him you won't accept him doing that while you're around, and that if he gets sick because of it, you won't be there for him. Then you get on with your life and make it as happy as you can, filling it up with different people and different choices. You'll then see whether you still need this realtionship in your life or that there is something better out there for you, with or without a man. Lots of luck.
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 He is asking you to deal with his problem....fine deal with it...leave him...what future do you have together?...Kids...work...money.....what future do you expect if he cant raise his pot ridden ass out of bed cause he smokes too much........doesnt sound like you have much of an existance to be honest
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (16 April 2008):
Only if you leave him will he truly face the choice of lose the drugs or lose you. As an addict he will not believe a threat to leave but only you actually leaving. If he then leaves the drugs, you are better off and can consider getting back with him. If he does not leave them you are still better off without them and him in your life. The loss is his and not yours.
One thing you can be sure of is that if he does not quit the drugs, they will always control your life and your own choices and opportunities will be limited. Loving him is not enough to stay.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): There is no good to come from taking drugs, my ex did this and he became paranoid. So i know just what you are going through. They say they can control it, but in actual fact the drug is controlling them and dictating their moods and when they have some more. Have a chat with him, and please dont ever take them yourself. Tell him exactly how you feel and that you cannot see a future with the two of you if he continue. If he doesnt give up then you may have to give up on him, because it can be a long miserable road with someone who uses drugs.
take care
xx
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