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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My relationship is on the verge of breaking... or I think ...and the sad thing is that I am not sure how to fix it or if it can be fix at all. The thing is that I moved in to another city to be with my bf about a year ago. About 6 months ago, I got a managing position and it has been really stressful.... I work 8:30 am to 5:45 pm or later... I don't get home until 7 pm .. and I am super exhausted when I get home....I am super, super tired .. My bf is upset because I do not dedicate enough time to the house... he says that the house is a mess, that I don't cook, and don't care about him.... He complaint about the cooking then, I started cooking... I cook almost everyday now, but now his main complaint is that I don't do the dishes...but if I cook, he should do the dishes... He also complaints about not cleaning; I do clean, but every other weekend... but he wants me to clean every week...I mean, he complaints about me all the time... Meanwhile, I pay the car, the rent, and most of the expenses... I don't know what to do ... really....I know I could be a little messy... but is that enough for him to complaint about ? Is there something else.... I just don't understand..
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (23 October 2010):
 Ha, this isn't the 1930s and you're not June Cleaver! R.I.P, that wonderful TV mom.
Anyways, you do contribute to this household with your full time job, cooking every night, paying nearly all the expenses..What does he bring to the table? In fact, he's lucky that he's getting a home cooked meal every night, and that you can cook. I know a ton of women that can't or tell their husband to go to McDonald's that is what's for dinner. This is where you tell him that this is 2010 times are changing and it's not just up to the women to clean and cook. He knows where the kitchen is, how to work the dishwasher, or hand wash the dishes, how to work the washer and dryer, and how to fold clothes. Most importantly, how to pick up after himself. I bet you most of the mess is because of him. Because his mommy picked up after him, she didn't teach him to clean up after himself. So kindly let him know that you're not his mother, or his maid, that he has two hands and is not above cleaning..Besides a team gets it done faster than just one person. Well say it a little nicer than I did, or if he keeps whining then get a little mean with him. Start a chore chart if need be..Split the chores right down the middle, just to make it fair. And he can get a taste of how tiring it really is to come home to cook, clean, and bed by 12. He'll appreciate all that you do, real fast.
A
female
reader, AuntieSnap  +, writes (23 October 2010):
Hi sweetheart,
You do not need the added stress of housework hassle from an immature spolit brat who should know better. Sorry love, but it sound like his Mummy has catered to his every whim while he was at home and now he expects you to do the same. You work 45+ a week and he doesnt help out at home??????? What generation is he living in? His attitude is positvely Victorian, its almost "Woman, know your place"!!!. Gone are the days of women being at home, we work for a living nowadays, we have to, pure and simple. You did not mention if he works, I really hope he does because if he is at home all day and then expects you to come home and wait on him hand, foot and finger then he needs a very, very sharp reality check, preferably the application of a HEAVY steel toe cap up his lazy selfish a***.
Now, we have a rota in our house because I work a 40 hour week and I have to get my teens to various afterschool activities during the week, I don't have time to do it all and this is where the chore rota comes in. e.g Son hoovers and tidies the living room. daughter makes the beds and puts the washing in the machine, I'll cook and wash up and then the next its all change. The house isnt perfect but its fine. Its good for the kids and also makes them more appriciative of just how much needs doing in the house. Weekends we ALL pitch in and gut the house as we all contribute to the general bourach.Kids usually squwak and moan, but it takes no time once we get started. I cook and freeze for the week ahead and Friday or Saturday is takeout night as a treat. Husband works away so when he is home any repairs or garden work are his domain.
Sweets, your BF sounds like a bit of a control freak. Anyone who cant see that you are dropping with exhaustion at the end of a LONG and probably stressful day is utterly, completely self abosorbed and selfish. Who cares if you cannot be bothered to wash up or fold the clothes ( you should see my ironing pile) one night or if the hoovering is left for a day or two. If he is THAT BOTHERED why in Hell's name is HE not applying himself?.He should'nt be moaning and making you unhappy. DO NOT START FEELING GUILTY, your job is stressful enough without worrying about the house. Don't put up with this constant nagging from him, tell him clearly that the chores AND household bills etc need to be equally divided and if the little git doesnt like it or refuses tell him to b***** off, and you find someone that appreciates and loves you for who you are and not a tidy house.
I hope this helps. God bless,
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 October 2010):
The only person not pulling weight is him. You work enough already, and if he can't help with housework then he's probably not all that great. A relationship should be 50/50, but this is more like a master and a slave or something. I think you can and should do better than him, because you can't fix him, and he's the problem. Not you.
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