A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have known my best friends, "Yve" and "Kali" for my entire live. I'm the youngest of our trio however I was always the most "Mother Hen-ish", but as recently as two years ago Yve became much more independant than always clinging onto me.At first I was happy for her, that she finally had gotten her freedom. Kali on the other hand never really wanted any attention on herself and would be found somewhere immersed in books while Yve went through many relationships (some short and some lasting over a year) and I was always there to help her recover afterwards.As forementioned, Yve slowly grew dependant and even hooked me up with a guy she hardly knew, although I knew him much longer than she thought I did until I told her. "Josh" and I have been in a steady relationship for a year now and began around the same time Yve started dating Josh's best friend. That didn't last long and soon after that she made a very wide gap in her and mines friendship, refusing to tell anyone anything and not speaking to me or even Kali. Eventually Josh (being the incredible guy that he is) talked her back into being herself and that advice from a guy did help.Two weeks ago Yve started to intentionally ignore Kali and me and started constantly texting Josh and asking for advice. Josh kindly helps her but nothing else. Then a week ago Yve started dating yet another guy, and while he was present she would outrageously flirt with some other guys and then hug and tickle Josh, grabbing him from behind while he was holding my hand or we were having a private conversation. It really annoyed me.Kali thinks that Yve has become an attention whore, and I think that (although I love her) she is jealous of Josh and I.After her flirting with other guys infront of her boyfriend, she drags him away to a corner to make-out with no regaurds to everyone else, then comes back and flirts some more.Both Kali and I have talked to her about it and she denies anything has changed. I even asked Josh to talk to her, and she clings onto his every word, making Kali and me (who've said the exact same thing) sound like idiots...Yve has changed alot and I feel bad for her boyfriend but she refuses to stop flirting (which she denies) with Josh (who ignores her and has gotten sick and tired of it) and refuses to believe anything Kali and I have to say.Please help me!!! Thank you so much!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2010): Thanks so much for your advice and help! I didn't name the post, I sent it in blank and dearcupid filled it in...
I'm never the dominant one: out of our close knit friendship Yve makes all the plans and dates to meet up with each other (which is why she had set me up with Josh) and Kali (who just doesn't care about anything other than books) and I go along with it. If you need an organizer you've got Yve -the social butterfly, if you need information on anything from history to myths you've got bookworm Kali and if you need someone to talk to you've got me (though I'll be somewhere in a corner drawing or reading).
I've got absolutely no problem with Yve asking others for advice. Yes, at first it was odd when she turned from me to Josh, but I respect her decisions.
Whenever I try to talk to her she denies everything. I've asked her if she would like to talk about it and after she ignored me, Kali and I both told her that 1) it makes me uncomfortable and Kali too 2) she has a boyfriend.
Josh is my first boyfriend and he thinks it might be jealousy too, but i'm not going to break up with him to make Yve feel better or even try to get with Josh...Yve has guys on her mind all the time, but it's hard to make her see that her jealousy is pointless and she shouldn't dwell on it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2010): By the sounds of things I'd say it is definitely jealousy. I think you'll find that if you somehow did get her to honestly open up to you she'd tell you she wishes she had the same relationship you and josh have. She may not be consciously aware but, she would find it difficult to have a relationship like that herself because it would be hard for her change the way she approaches her relationships
good luck, i hope you become good friends again.
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A
female
reader, AuntieSnap  +, writes (23 October 2010):
Hi there,
It really sounds that you are the dominant friend in this relationship and you really dont like it when your friend asks for advice outwith your sphere because YOU want to be in control. She seems to be asserting herself and her character, ok so some of the things she is doing are really not acceptable and need addressing, but this situation also smacks of "pack hunting". You have obviously discussed this problem in depth with others and got them on side with your version of events going by the "we" at the top of the post, but what about your friend's side of things? Have you and your friend actually given her a chance to explain her behaviour or did you both just lecture her, because if you did it could explain why she is acting the way she is. She is resentful and angry about they she has been treated. Perhaps she feels you have gone behind her back and bitched once too often and is fed up of being told what to do and how to feel by others?
Take a long hard look at your own behaviour before judging your friend.
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