A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please tell me if you think I'm being paranoid.My boyfriend snapped at me becuase he said someone changed his profile on some bebo thing to show that he's in a realtionship so when I said does it really matter he said yes it does because someone has been onto his account. If anyone has acess to facebook it shows on there whether your in a realtionship or not (the ususal stuff) i said to him too that we've been together nearly 9 months and he's still showing as single and he said i was reading into it too much but I've sent him a request to be linked to him and he doesn't reply - he said that his pc is running really slowly and it won't let him change it but I said to him that i managed to change it and my pc runs very very slowly (he's on broadband and I'm not) - does this look very dodgy to anyone else? Please help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who gave me advice and I know your all going to say how stupid I am but I asked him why he hadn't changed it and he said that he rarly uses it and he only leaves it open for messages which I want to believe.
I don't think he would cheat on me with anyone off there. He once said to me that if I cheated on him he would find out then it would be my loss as well as him.
I've told him how I feel now and that it doesn't look good, but he said its his choice not mine.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): he is definetly hiding something from you.maybe he is already seeing someone besides you,or is keeping his status as single in hopes that he will meet someone else.if he had any respect at all for you then he would have changed it,and in my opinion you wouldnt have even had to ask him to do it.some men just get thrills out of women flirting with them,and if he is a fairly attractive guy and has a single status you better beleive that is what they are doing.only a matter of time before the flirting turns into something more.i would suggest you tell him to either change it,or he really will be single :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Oh come on, he's a slimey slippery toad, what else do you need to know? Either put up with it or get rid.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): OK I am 28 and have been with my husband since I was 18. I do not have him on my facebook nor would I ever have him there as a friend. I do not have it listed as if I am married either (but I do not have I am single) I just didnt fill left out the status.
Now I would NEVER ever cheat on him - I have zero interest in other men and only eyes for him. And I do nothing behind his back so have nothing to hide. But I prefer to just not have him on my profile I guess because even though I do not have anything incriminating or to hide, I just like having my privacy and space. I mean - him reading every comment on my wall would be like taking my cellphone and reading every text message there and asking for an explanation for every single one! And in relationships such things could be possible!! I have known of friends who have had so many arguments in relationships because someone sent them virtual "flowers" or "hugs" or whatever on facebook. In fact, I know alot of people who "religiously" check their partners facebook on a daily basis and alot of times, read so much into the smallest most innocent things! For instance my friend was telling me yesterday he got into the biggest argument with his gf because a girl left a comment on his wall saying "Hope you had a happy birthday, See ya about soon" to which his gf wanted to know what did that mean, is he seeing this girl, why does she want to see him soon, who is she to him, does she fancy him etc etc!!! I mean my hubby and I have alot of trust in our relationship etc - just dont feel like having every single thing scrutinized by him!
Also I find facebook is extremely lax with privacy so I have very little personal information about myself on there - I do not want random people to know where I live, who I am with, my date of birth, etc etc! So for that reason also I am quite wary about having anything at all personal about myself on there.
Anyway cant speak on behalf of your boyfriend, but for me those are the two reasons I do not / will not have him on there. He is completely fine with it however and there have never been any problems about it.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, uraqt9697  +, writes (25 September 2008):
In response to you saying that you guys spend alot of time together so therefore you dont think hes cheating...I used to use that justification for the man I spent 4 years of my life with who cheated on me a number of times.
I am with someone wonderful now, and the best thing I can offer you is to LISTEN to your GUT!!! I know sometimes its difficult to distinguish that and fear, but after being with my ex, and being w/someone who treats me well, you can def tell the difference.
It sounds sketchy to me, and I assume your asking about it because you have that nagging feeling. Just think twice about this man, and let us know what happens.
Best of luck@
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A
female
reader, lilgirly  +, writes (25 September 2008):
 there is something very weird about this.. and he is hiding something..put that you're single on facebook same thing he does..and try finding someone else...cause i think he is doing the same thing..
take care honey XXXXand good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): I'm afraid my ex was exactly the same. He claimed to have no friends, yet would regularly get letters and postcards etc from female friends of his. He would also write them letters in which he wouldn't mention me once, even though we were living together and I was financing him while he wasn't working. It was like he wanted a different public persona- he didn't want people to think he was attached, even though we'd been going out for years. Also like you, he rarely wanted me to meet his friends, although I always made an effort for him to meet mine. I also know now that he lied to me about meeting these girls. My advice is to move on; this touches on a very basic issue- trust. i couldn't trust my ex when I realised what he was doing, and moreover he wasn't prepared to change. It's a dangerous trait.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Well by the sounds of it, from what you have put, it sounds like he wants to keep his options open. Date you, then see if anyone else comes along.
From this side anyway.
C xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn the 9 months i've been with him I've only met one of his friends, when he goes out with his best mate he doesn't invite me, he said i try and invite myself and I don't.Be honest with me now what do you all think?
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A
female
reader, lilgirly +, writes (25 September 2008):
it is odd..trying to keep his options open or maybe there is another girl that he likes and he doesn't want her to find out he he is in a relationship,so be careful..do you go out in social with him? meet his friends?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the thing there is no one else, he spends most of his time with me although saying that there are a few girls on his profile that do fancy him
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 September 2008):
Good thinking Boonridge McPhalify!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (25 September 2008):
 this is very strange-does he have another girlfriend on the side and changing this status would cause both of you to find out????
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A
female
reader, Neera  +, writes (25 September 2008):
I think, any of these could be the reasons:a) he might not want some people to know that he's not single anymore.b) he is not serious about you and still flirts with other girls.c) He is telling you the truth, and doesn't really think it matters one way or the other.Might be a good idea to create a profile for yourself with a fake name and a cute picture (of someone else!) leave him a message asking if he is single and ready to mingle. You will have the cat out of the bag instantly. Make sure this goes as a 'message' from facebook, I mean, don't put it on his wall or something. If you don't want to do this, you can get one of your girlfriends (someone he doesn't know)to write to him.And once you do this, please brace yourself for either outcomes. It is better to be forewarned and forearmed!Hope this helps. All the best!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): I know this may be sneaky...but what he is doing also seems alittle sneaky...maybe u could make a new msn profile or something and pretend to be someone else, only talk to him though..and she if he tells u whether he has a gf or not..this may let you know if he does deny ur in realtionship all of the time...if so maybe you guys should talk.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (25 September 2008):
Slightly. Whats the big deal, he is in a relationship, why doesn't he state that on his profile. I would find that a bit odd. Because it is a bit odd. Any sane thinker is going to wonder if thats because he wants to keep his options open, and would have nothing to do with paranoia at all.
There's a saying....just because i'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not doing it behind my back.
Or something like that.
C xxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): Well, it's certainly a bit odd. Does he pretend to people he meets in real life that he's single?
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