A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:got on my boyfrirends facebook and in his messages back and forth to my female cousin was dumb stuff like him flirting with her like she said i might stop by to see you next week when ill be in your area and he says you bringing the condoms or should i and she replies i just was at the red door and im all clean anyways i like it raw anyways" bla bla any way im sure its harmless but it hurt my feelings do you think i should confront her bout it or leave it alone? My boyfrend said he sorry and that he wont talk to her like that anymore.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 January 2013):
 the fact that you got on his facebook and checked his messages says you don't trust him.
with good reason.
I'm open and I don't mind flirting but the only man who knows my waxing schedule is my hubby....
your COUSIN (I'm shocked) and your boyfriend can have at each other.
EVEN if they are just joking around, they kept it a secret from you. I FLIRT. OUTRAGEOUSLY sometimes... and yet I never keep it a secret from my hubby.... and I never discuss or tease about having sexual contact with anyone, that's not flirting... that's hooking up.
I'd think long and hard about staying with a man you don't trust and with good reason.
IF you do stay... you will probably catch him at it again some day.... be sure not to forgive him the second time or you set a pattern whereby he knows you will forgive him and he will keep doing it until you finally get strong enough to leave.
so here's the deal... you can stay now... but I'd make him share phone and password info for facebook and other social media as well as all emails. I'd put him on total lock down.
if he fights you on it. WALK. he's hiding something.
and do prepare for the day you catch him again... hopefully it won't happen (because he really didn't realize he was being inappropriate and he truly is sorry)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): For two people who should love and respect you, they are behaving very poorly. It`s not dumb stuff. They are communicating in a manner that suggests they would like sex with each other. He is playing with her, suggesting condoms for her visit, telling her he is sexually interested. She is responding positively with private information about herself. Telling him about her red door, (can only imagine what that means) how clean she is and what type of sex she likes. They are both behaving very inappropriately....basically they are sharing a fantasy about her visiting him and having sex.If he will talk like that with your family, goodness knows how he talks to other women. Being a little flirtatious is one thing, but what they are indulging in is plain nasty. He should not be talking like that to any women let alone your cousin, not if he is happy with you and wants to keep it that way! I think you need to make that clear to him and you definitely need to explain to your cousin that you know what she is saying to him behind your back. She needs to clean up her act and remember where her loyalties lie. In my opinion they are as bad as each other and should be told to smarten up and behave with some respect for you or you will off load the pair of them!
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A
male
reader, tby1  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 He shouldn't be your bf anymore, he crossed a line and even worse with a family member, sorry isn't good enough cos that wasn't just harmless, arranging to do things behind your back, should be kicking him into touch immediately and having more respect for yourself that you won't tolerate such behaviour from anybody towards you.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Can't believe you need to ask. He's OUT. You should WALK.
He has no loyalty and cannot be trusted. Neither does your cousin, but then you're not going steady with your cousin.
How can you have a relationship with someone who would flirt (heavy sexual flirting) with anyone else? Let alone you're own family!
He's OUT and you should WALK.
If you don't you obviously have no self-respect. If he's doing this with your cousin then what are the chances he is doing it elsewhere too?
Once there's no trust it's OVER.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This isn't harmless, otherwise your boyfriend would have nothing to apologise for. He knows and I know, and I think more importantly, YOU know (but would rather not admit it) that given half the chance, he and your cousin would have been under the sheets romping about behind your back and not giving you a second thought.
Yes you should pull you cousin up over this too, your boyfriend wasn't the only one flirting. She needs to know that you won't have her thinking its ok to fool around behind your back with your boyfriend(s). Ask her if she would mind it if you did that with hers when she gets a boyfriend... I bet the story would be entirely different then.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (8 January 2013):
 "any way im sure its harmless"
How is that harmless?! Leave him! That is NOT appropriate behavior for someone in a relationship, ever, with anyone, at all. I'm not sure how to interpret that as anything except that he genuinely plans to sleep with other women behind your back. You should dump him before he has a chance because I can almost guarantee he will.
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