A
female
age
30-35,
*tupidbabe
writes:I'm sexually active for 2 years now and my current boyfriend is the only one i've been with. We only have intercourse 4 times in total and I literally beg him for intimacy. I really love him and understand that he respects me and doesn't want to go further until marriage. However, we have oral sex once every month, yes exactly once. I've always been hot for him, I feel like burning every time we're close, a rush that i can't resist. But recently, I feel so calm like I'm on a show where I'm the performer. Something is missing...I'm sure he loves me sincerely. But Im always the one who initiate the love making. He rejects me many time, it hurts and makes me feel like I'm pushing him to do something he doesn't want. And I feel guilty somehow.I feel myself getting colder at this rate, try to be numb and ignore my sexual desire to not pushing him. But eventually, I can't, and the worst thing is.. when we're finally close, I feel distant to him more than ever. His kiss, his touch.. all seem to me that he just wants to pay the monthly debt. My body screams for sex, and while i crave for him to enter me and he just pushes me away. So now, haha.. I'm mentally ruined, it surprises me now that rarely I have that urge again, that amazing electric shock. But guess what, my boyfriend is so happy that I'm not acting wild on him..I don't want to hurt him so I've never spoken to him about how this causes me so much trouble. I know if I do, he will go mad and punish me by not letting me intimate for 2 months.. I'm like his bitch now, what should I do?P/s: He's really nice and hard-working. He loves to make me laugh and spend time with me and we have no issue about infidelity.
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female
reader, stupidbabe +, writes (11 March 2012):
stupidbabe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's very contradicting. He loves to kiss and gets hard really fast. I don't think he has no sex drive, he just has too many troubling thoughts in his logistic mind..
So, he gets erection, and he touches me all over and i go down on him and he cums.. and he tries to finger me to get me off. The fingering part is like his redemption, the heat is gone, I just want to watch him sleep but I know he gives me his best effort to replace intercourse, so I let him play me for a little while.
When we went to the supermarket, I put condoms in our shopping cart and he was so freaked out, threw them away and ran away from me :). It was so embarrassing.. but I always want to put that behind and focus on the relationship. But the feeling of being rejected is haunting
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 March 2012):
 There is no changing. He is not doing this to punish you. This guy is either gay or isn't interested in sex. This will not change, marriage will make no difference, you still will not get sex.
You cannot change, you can't stop feeling horny and wanting sex. That is natural to. Your already unhappy because he doesn't give you sex, it will get worse if you marry him.
Imagine, 20, 30, 50years with very little sex happening. The guy may look at you, maybe like a piece of art, maybe he likes your clothes or wants to be able to dance to. He is not looking at you as a woman. Men who want to have sex with women, touch them, kiss them, and jump on them if they get a chance. Men do not refuse to have sex with the woman they love unless something is wrong.
This will not change. Do not marry him unless you don't care about sex, or you are willing to find yourself a lover (with his blessings of course)
You cannot change, he cannot change, there will be little sex and maybe no children in your relationship. Talk to him, and maybe ask him to lay next to you and cuddle at nights, if you refuse to leave him. Most men will have an erection if you lay down next to them, your guy won't because he doesn't really want to have sex with women.
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A
female
reader, stupidbabe +, writes (10 March 2012):
stupidbabe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe's the same age as me btw. Do you guys ever feel that you're not ready for intercourse, or regretting doing it the first time with ur gf somehow? I used to be into girls and my bf is a sensitive boy and has many girly characteristics... so i guess he's the only boy I'm interested in. He fears of hurting me, and he thinks 4 minutes intercourse is a lot. I don't care about his performance, I can finish off myself. I just need to be close to the guy :(
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A
female
reader, stupidbabe +, writes (10 March 2012):
stupidbabe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all or your replies, to be clear, I'm 22 year old and I live a healthy life as a hiphop dancer. Dancing is really what keeps my mind off of him. He's very sweet and I know all of his schedule, we text often and very close, like soulmates. He's the intelligent one (Virgo) and I'm the sporty (Sagit).
I do feel that he wants to please me, he admires my body and likes to stare when i wear tight clothes. But somehow, he never go off that limit. He cried when he took my virginity and he said it was an accident of getting too excited. He promises that after marriage, he will be all mine. I believe in his heart but his actions torture me. Which of us should change our way?
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 March 2012):
One guy brought up an important point.. how old is your boyfriend.. If he is in his 50's, there are a couple of stories that I would like you to read, because there are 2 women that were in your situation and they come from similar countries like you.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (10 March 2012):
"I really love him and understand that he respects me and doesn't want to go further until marriage"Do not marry this man, for some reason he has problems with having sex with a woman. He could be gay, he could be asexual (no sexual desire, doesn't need/like sex) I don't think this will get better, if you don't ask, he would be happy never to have sex again.His sex drive isn't low, it's non-existent. His behaviour isn't normal. He isn't interested in sex, he's not waiting for marriage, this is the way the guy is and the way your married life will be. Marriage will be terrible, because you'll be lying next to him in bed every night and you this will make you want him more. People try harder before marriage, you will have less sex when you get married, so that's no sex at all.You don't have to leave if you love him. Please talk to him seriously about his idea of sex, don't buy the bullshit about waiting for marriage, ask personal questions like his dreams, his fantasies and how much he masturbates, I have a feeling that his answer will be he doesn't have many sexual thoughts at all.Don't marry him if you want sex and children. Or accept that he doesn't like sex and think about arranging other alternatives, with his permission. This guy sounds like a friend, a brother, but he is not a lover and should not be a husband.
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A
female
reader, lilcheer  +, writes (10 March 2012):
 Have you considered trying masturbation or getting some kind of toy for yourself? You can ask him to use it on you, its not quite the same but its something you can do on your own as well ,when the urge is too strong if you aren't with him, or he isn't in the mood.
Also it seams as though he is using your desire for intercourse as a weakness against you, please be wary of this. Issues like that can branch out and you could loose yourself and what makes you, who you are and what makes you happy.
Best Wishes,
lilcheer
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A
male
reader, love her madly +, writes (10 March 2012):
Hello, I am a 22 male, and I never heard of such a thing! If he is not bothering u 4 a month @ a time, take my word 4 this: HE IS GETTING IT ON THE SIDE! Now U did not describe urself as being attractive- I assume u r , and 4 him to know he is ur first, makes this all crazy. I do not know if both of u r my age, but he does not want to please u, and that fact alone breaks up marriages!! If he wants to save it 4 marriage, he should have left u pure! This is not the guy 4 u! But it is up to u, what u ultimately want to do with this dough head! Best to u, Joey
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A
male
reader, oneguy +, writes (10 March 2012):
 First, a few questions for you to consider. How many years older is he than you? Is he always nice with you? Is he not a bit upset with you even once? How much do you know about him? If you do know much about him and he is very frank and willing to share details about him with you, what is the driver for him to tell you things about himself? Is it only when you ask him? Or does he open up to you by himself?In any relationship, both partners should be comfortable with each other. With each other's shortcomings. And most importantly, there should be genuine absence of disrespect. When there is disrespect of any sort, or one of the partner perceives a sense of disrespect, it manifests in that partner distancing away the disrespectful partner, and considering that your boyfriend is nice and hard working, he may be resentful to you for some reason. He may have low expectations overall from any human, so he could be willing to overlook his discomfort with you and just keep it to himself. But that is easier said than done, and he is taking it out by not getting too close to you, because that would be antithetic to his existence and self respect.Another possibility could be that he is manipulative on purpose. Less likely given your tone but it could be.Either ways, are you able to see that you are highly sensitive as a person? I say so because you say that you're mentally ruined. How? Confused, yes, worried, may be, looking for answers definitely, but why ruined? Please Ma'am, don't use such words even if just to drive home your point. Please show some poise for the sake of building your own mental strength. You must learn to be positive.If you feel like you have never disrespected him and don't even feel that way in your heart, that is good.What you need to do now is ask him about his behaviour. Yes, you are afraid of hurting him. In reality, you are more afraid that you will lose him because he will hurt you back by leaving you. So be it. How can you allow a man to disrespect you thus? The worst thing for a man to do is to spurn the physical affection of a woman *after* committing to her. What the hell was he thinking *before* he committed to her?Speak up now and face the future bravely. Fortune favours the brave. You cannot and never should live your life with even an iota of fear. You must strongly believe that good things always come by even when you are 30 years old, 40, 50, and so on, even on your death bed. Why? Because 10 years later, when you are in your 30s, when you see your old pics when you were 20, you will be amazed at how beautiful you were. That feeling will only increase as you age. So at 50 you will see how happy and beautiful you were at 30.Remember, everything will work out just fine and happy in the end. Make that your mantra. Tell yourself that and you will not fear doing anything. Don't hurt others, don't hurt yourself. Be and let be. But definitely, be. You were born for that. Please, live your life happily. Love yourself. Love others but not at the cost of yourself.All the best Miss, cheer up!^^Regards,
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