A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts, I think my boyfriend wrote a few days ago (I saw something that was similar to what he said to me on his computer) about some things that he's said to me about our sex life (how "f*cking me is like f*cking a doll...I'm only good when I'm drunk...I'm a wh*re etc) and while I am not excusing his actions or words, he is making a genuine effort to change.But that leaves me very pulled. I have been destroyed inside. I have been chewed out and spit out into all corners of the earth that it feels impossible on some days to collect and put myself back together. Physically he makes me feel more wonderful than anyone ever has - and that has nothing to do with the emotional emptiness and emotional blackness that he makes me feel. One aunt said that when we have sex, my subconscious must be saying "this is the man who called me a wh*re"...and it is. My subconscious becomes so loud sometimes that I begin to shake and can cry at the drop of a dime. I have tried to see a therapist and was ridiculed (by him) for it. Just tonight he says that he thinks that we have always been physically incompatible and he does not see it working between us so I told him "thank you for telling me that (again), please stop torturing me because I no longer have the strength to leave you on my own, let's part ways together - you go your way and I will go mine". Twenty minutes later, he is going on a rant about how I never make him feel good sexually and I am always criticizing him (I have NEVER said "STOP THAT ALTOGETHER", instead - having been a kindergarten teacher for two years and knowing how to speak kindly/unoffensively - would say "THAT feels good, so does that, let's try this instead I like that more") and that I am emotionally heavy but that he did not break up with me and he wants to stay together.I am so lost with him. I love sex with him but he makes it stressful for me because every time (EVERY TIME) we're done with sex I am berated with questions "why didn't you do this? are you sure you came? what was your exes penis like? how did he make you come? (current beau and I have been together almost a year and a half) are you finding sex somewhere else? why don't you like anything I do? why can't you have an internal orgasm? every other woman I have f*cked came like that, you're so weird, you're so heavy" and so on and so forth - it's exhausting - simply exhausting. I am hoping that the aunts who gave him a piece of mind have words of strength that I may be able to use. Please, help.
View related questions:
drunk, orgasm, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 That guy needs a first class flight to hell. And i mean it! It doesnt matter anymore how much have tried to help couples how of their problems, Ijust want to hear that you ditched this dick the second you are through with this article.
REASONS,
He is annoyingly suffering from an acute lack of confidence.
He is terribly uncivilized thats why before he even talked to you about his problem, he simply ran it allover the web.
He is too young to understand the complications that can arise from such uncopromisng behaviour
He is not man enough!
SORRY if am being too hush but he is a good-for-nothing.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (20 July 2009):
 *hug*
I agree with the other aunts. Leave him...
- because you deserve to have a better life
- because you deserve to be loved and loved well
- because you deserve to be happy and peaceful
- because you're worth more than this
- because you ARE strong
- because life will improve once this is over
- because you don't deserve to be torn down
- because you are beautiful
- because you have a good heart
- because life is too short
- because he hurts your soul
- because there is too much pain
- because you shouldn't have to cry every day
I will keep you in my thoughts. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (20 July 2009):
 You have an abusive and immature boyfriend. Let me ask you something? Does he make you feel like no one else could love you like he does, or even want to?
even though I didnt reposnd to his post(nor saw it I don't think, for had I seen it I assure you that I would have called him on the carpet), I can only say that you have latched yourself onto an insecure little boy, who is so insecure about himself that he has to brow beat you about his exes, and talk shit about you on a public forum.
The next step is going to be physical abuse. You are going to say the wrong thing to him and he will eventually haul off and hit you. I can see this coming a mile away. He already belittles you, and is trying to convince you that you will do no better than him. I am very sorry that this is happening to you, for he is a child, and what he will soon discover is that you were the best thing he EVER had.
I say that in past tense, because hopefully you will find the fortitude to leave this turd in the toilet.
I cant stress enough how correct both Daniel and Baby Duck are. make a plan, have your family members involved if this will give you strength.
But get away from him. You are being abused by this little boy who calls himself a man. He is the kind of guy who watches "MANSWERS" on Spike and thinks that is how women like to be treated.
He is also the type of guy who probably will be having his ass sewn to his face for smarting off to the wrong guy sooner rather than later.
Make sure you show him all of our posts so our words can permeate his skull as to what an asshole he is. I think the verdict will be unanimous...He is one child that deserves to be left home alone!
...............................
A
female
reader, ashleyhwrd +, writes (20 July 2009):
been there done that girl run and run fast if you dont it will be a very regreatfull decicion i still have the menteal scars to prove it you did know that any form of puting you down is mental abbuse and that mental abbuse is worst than phisicale abbuse bumps and bruses heal up your mind wont it just wont be as heavy years after
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 I am one of the persons who responded to your boyfriend's post. I hope the other aunts will respond as well.
I am sorry, dear poster, but I do not see your boyfriend's "genuine effort to change". What I see is that he has been quite good at making you feel very bad about yourself. He's been browbeating you into submission. He knows he can pull the string of sex, so he gives it to you, and then uses it to put you down. His is not lovemaking, but slave making. The more you play his game, the worse off you will be.
You say you have no strength left to leave him. That is not true, but your feeling this way is very bad news. He will keep humiliating and insulting you until he does not have any use for you; then he will dump you. The man has got very serious problems.
Leave him now! That is all I can say and do from the distance.
...............................
|
