A
female
age
30-35,
*r. Nikki
writes:hia, i have a bad relationship problem not last thursday the thursday before my boyfriend told me he didnt know what he wanted, he didnt think being with me was right, which partially broke my heart i love him so much and i dont care how young i am it took me a year and a half to get him and i have been with him for 10 months. eventually after much discussion he said he wanted to be with me. it has messed with my head and now all we do is have serious talks and i feel that he doesnt want to be with me but is just to keep me happy what shall i do i mean ive talked to him before about it but i just dont know what to do! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dr. Nikki +, writes (15 September 2007):
Dr. Nikki is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well despite all of your answers, I went on with my relationship with him and it's now a year to do the day i've been with him!!
I really appreciate all of your advice and if he does mess me about more i'm just gonna tell him whats what and get rid of him!! Then i'll learn from my mistake, and move on :)
Thanks again all x
A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (29 July 2007):
 Aww, I really feel for you but hun, you're worth soooo much more than that!
He's using you, you don't want to be stuck in a relationship where you're just being used to look pretty on his arm.
The one is someone who'll never make you cry but is worth all your tears.
You'll find someone so much better. I know that probably sounds really patronising, but I've been there and I know from experience. I felt that he was the one and I really cut myself up about it, but looking back know I realise that I really needed to have more respect for myself. And you will feel that way too with time, I promise.
If he was the one hun, you wouldn't be feeling this way would you? You wouldn't be crying to sleep at night and you wouldn't feel that you couldn't continue on in life.
Look in the mirror and say "I'm gonna find someone who treats me with the respect I deserve, not this bullsh*t. I'm worth more than that."
Honestly lovely, it's time to move on. Tell him it's over and don't speak to him again. It's a rocky road but one that leads to a clear path. I swear, one day you'll look back and say "I shouldn't have felt so bad about it, he was an ass!" The tears and hurt you'll go through is natural, everyone goes through it. But it will be worth it in the end to make you realise the mistakes and how to deal with certain things in other relationships.
Take care. xxx
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A
female
reader, Dr. Nikki +, writes (19 July 2007):
Dr. Nikki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replys he has not spoken to me at all since Monday ive tried my best to keep in contact, i cry myself to sleep each night because it hurts so much knowing that all my love for him is just not worth it no more. i dont weant to lose him i cant lose him i dont know what id do in life without him, it scares me. what am i supposed to do i cant get answers because i cant get in contact. he hasnt bothered to phone me to let me know hes all right or anything its like he doesnt care about me no more and he is just pushin me away so that ill finish it tjo i havent the strength or the nerves to do it i couldnt cope afterwards. how am i suposed to say i love you but we have to end it because i feel like this and that? what if i finish it and its the wrong thing to do and its to late to make it better? i dont want to make things alot worse than it is now, im on the edge now and i jus dont to be able to seem to get meself together.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (17 July 2007):
I know you love him, but reality has to be an important part in this.
He's with you for your happiness alone? Is this the kind of relationship you want? Where there's only one person feeling for the other?
I know it's a really hard situation, I've been there, and I'm sure a lot of people have been there too, but this will only lead to more hurt. Believe me.
I think you need to call it quits. As soon as he finds someone that takes his fancy, he'll drop you and that'll be it. Finished.
By staying with him, you are dragging out a pain that should be dealt with sooner, rather than later. He's not the one lovely. I don't want to hurt you but you have to be brutally honest with yourself. Where is the future in this relationship? Where's it heading?
You're worth more than just being in a relationship for one person's happiness? realise your self worth and find someone decent who won't string you along.
Take care xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): Take the control back into your own hands and tell him you would like some time to think about what has happened. You need a rest and time to really consider this. There should be no question, you should feel relaxed about saying this.
If you feel fears about this because you think he will forget you, or that you have to stay as you are or risk losing him, it says an awful lot about your relationship. Even a week or two, take it, you need them time because he has broken your trust. He owes you the time.
Do your own stuff, find yourself and stop absorbing yourself in becoming part of him. Be your own self, don't be scared of that. These serious talks are boring and threatening as well, maybe he wants to drill you into leaving him. Who knows...it all seems very heavy and you need some fresh air so take it.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 My feeling here is that you want this guy.
"it took me a year and a half to get him"
Here is your mistake: "now all we do is have serious talks".
Take your time to think whether you wanna break what you got.
Now about "he doesnt want to be with me but is just to keep me happy" - If you see it as your situation, you don't trust him.
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