A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner for 8 months and things were great for the first 6 months. The past 2 months he has become distant, lying and not wanting to see me, also he goes to see his kids at weekends but lies about it telling me he is working. I don't know what to do anymore, I think he is cheating with his ex but have no proof. What do I do?Shall I walk away? I have tried asking him and he said I'm paranoid and if I don't believe him then it's over. I love him but I am hurting too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): Are you making it hard for him to spend time with his kids or is his ex making demands o him that he can not say? Ex partners can poison children against absent fathers and often make those poor Dads jump through hoops. If she was doing this would he trust you enough to say so? There may be nothing at all going on except that you don't trust each other. Why not apologise for being self-centred? Maybe his kids won't see you, how is he supposed to make that compute? I think if it were me I would say that life is obviously a bit complicated for him at the moment but you do love him an are sorry - arrange to go somewhere nice with him in a couple of weeks when things have had a chance to settle. Have fun that night and don't discuss it all. Agree that you will leave that for another time and offer to be part of the solution, not the problem. When he tells you about it, put his needs first and stop thinking about yourself and your insecurity. Be positive and helpful, not needy and stop taking his energy away. Change your mindset. You can help him if he wants you to.
A
male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 It sounds like he's pushing you away emotionally. I don't understand why some men can't just be men. If I were in the same situation I would want to be with someone that treats me with respect and wants to be with me. What do you want?
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (17 July 2007):
So he has lied to you, then tells you that you are paranoid, and if you don’t believe him it’s over? Why should you believe someone that lies to you? That would be pretty stupid of you wouldn’t it? Any person alive would be suspicious if their partner was lying about visiting his ex. His only excuse for lying would be if you made difficulties about it. Did you? Were you jealous? If not, then I think he is hiding something. What kind of long-term future is there for a relationship where his problems are all your fault, and he thinks it’s OK to lie to you when it suits him? I think you need a man that treats you better than this.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (17 July 2007):
 You don't have to know if he's cheating or not to leave him. The fact that he's become distant and seemingly disrespectful to you are enough reasons to leave.
You can leave someone you love, but who you know isn't good for you.
Listen to that little voice in you. Don't doubt yourself. There are no "rights" or "wrongs" when it comes to this stuff. You wouldn't be wrong to leave him. You'd just be following your gut.
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