A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi everyboby,i have a problem me and my boyfriend have been together for little over a year,the problem is he haven't said my name yet.this is very strange and driving me crazy.every time i ask him.he gives me some stupid answer.i dont know what to do... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Kidiu +, writes (18 February 2011):
You know, I have the opposite situation. My boyfriend, who I've known for years, never calls me by pet names or endearments, nor does he just call me "you". He always calls me by my name. Which I love, don't get me wrong, it sounds nice when he says it, and I never call him anything but his name, either. It's just awkward to call him "babe" or "sweetheart".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): I notice by some of the replys that there are two issues here. One is that a person will not address his partner by her real name instead using a pet or nick name. I think this is normal unless she doesn't like the nick name. The other issue is my own and a few others from what I've read - it's where we don't get called anything - in my case if I'm in another part of the house, he will shout something like 'are you there' or 'where are you'. Never my name. I find this quite upsetting as my name is part of who I am. My advice to anyone who notices this peculiarity early on in the relationship is to discuss it at the time. Ask him to please use your name or if it's left too long, it becomes more of an issue as in my case. It would now feel strange to hear him address me by my name and I know he would feel awkward about doing it. It is obviously a mental thing. I would add that he has no problem calling our dog by his name - probably says it 100 times a day!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2010): I am so glad I'm not the only one with this problem (which it is for me). My partner of 7 years has never used my name or any nick-name or endearment. If he wants to call me he says 'are you there'. I have tackled him about it in the past and he said he didn't see the need to use a name when there are only the two of us in the house. But I have asked him since to use my name and he did for a couple of times but it seemed strained and awkward and then he stopped. When we went through a bad patch he used my name on text messages. He also never holds my hand in public but will on the sofa. He has also never actually told me he loves me but shows it in many ways. I think it is definitely an intimitancy problem but it is spoiling what is otherwise a wonderful relationship. By the way, I have now stopped using his name so it is catching!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I have a very close female friend who never calls me by name. When she answers the phone it's just "hi." I know she knows my name because she uses it all the time when she talks to my wife and she used it once with me when she was making a point. She also uses my wife's name when she talks to her, so it's just me she does that with. I asked her about it once and she said it just felt very formal and not at all intimate. I've gotten to the point where I like her not using my name.
I notice that I don't call my wife by her name when we're alone and she doesn't use mine either. When we need to get the other's attention in public, we'll use our names, but in private we use pet names.
I'd say, as long as he knows your name, don't get worked up if he doesn't call you by it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): It's possible that he is afraid of calling you by the wrong name. He may have done that to someone before. I met my current wife about 6 months after my divorce from my first wife of 11 years. I called my new girlfriend by my ex's name about 6 times in several months before I got it right every time. She teased me about it, but understood why it can happen. She also called me by an ex boyfriends name once and stopped calling me by my name. I guess I was kind of hurt by that and she didn't want to make that mistake again. It is probably normal to use the wrong name at the start of a new relationship a couple of times. Perhaps someone else was really upset if he did that and he is afraid to make that mistake again.
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A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (14 December 2007):
 Lol Phil...made me giggle.
You know my ex never called me by my name. I think its a kind of shyness. I got "hey you" alot.
After a while it really made me feel quite horrible. I craved to hear him say my name, I'd ask him to call it to me during sex.......even then he found it difficult.
I can understand what your saying, I don't know if theres an answer to it though.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Wow, I spelled my own name wrong. See how difficult names can be?!??
xx India
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (13 December 2007):
Does he have a nickname for you? When he introduces you, does he use your name? Does he use your name when on the phone with someone? Or does he really just avoid saying your name all together?? Have you honestly NEVER heard him say it? Maybe he's just not into the formality of names. Maybe he doesn't know your name. Maybe your name is hard to pronounce.
I would tell him that it skeeves you out. To be honest, it would be weird for me to have a boyfriend who simply never said my name. How bizarre! I would be frank about it, "when you don't say my name, it makes me have questions... i confuses me... I feel like you're never really talking to me. It weirds me out." and, as Uncle Phil said - don't answer him when he doesn't use your name!!
Good luck, sweetness.
xxUndia
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 I can relate to him. Calling you by your name in fact may make him distant and official, millions of people do the this and call their loved ones with other names.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): It's hardly a problem! Tell him you've got a name, and if he doesn't use it, don't answer him!
Phil
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male
reader, Jamer70  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 well can you say what he calls you.
Sweetheart, babe etc.
or just calls you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): sorry but this is typical of a guy with many girls on the go, or you could have a really complex name & he doesn't want to mis pronouce it
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