A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of just over one year has been telling me for months that he thinks I am cheating on him because my "p*ssy feels different and stretched out like I have been f*cking n***ers". He has also then become upset with me when I become more reluctant to try new things with him sexually because I have been shamed. I have never been unfaithful and I have never given him reason to believe that I would be. I have always been against it and the family that I grew up with views loyalty as a number one priority. The other night, because I told him that I do not like anal (I have never tried it with anyone but him, for his own sake because I was so nervous)...and that I am not comfortable with the idea of inviting another woman to join us as he wishes until I am confident with the way he makes me feel emotionally in the bedroom. He responded with "well you know that I love anal and that I will be with two women before I die, so be prepared for it and know that you will never make me sexually happy otherwise".Am I abnormal for feeling like crap sexually and for having no sex drive left after being treated like that for over 7 months of this relationship? Or am I being too sensitive?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): Don't be so uptight. Anal is awesome, some women prefer it. Communication problems take two to create, so maybe you're not responding to his needs?
A
male
reader, Rajesh Nair  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Get rid of him. He doesn't deserve you. Move on with your life. Find someone who respects you, rather than this guy, who treats you like a mere sex-object.
All the best!!!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Dear OP,
It should only take one aunt to point out to you that you have fallen victim of an abusive boyfriend. There are two aunts here who already mentioned "abuse". Please leave him, for your sake, for your well being, for your own happiness.
It does not matter that 99% of the time he is wonderful. That 1% of poison called abuse he is seeding will definitely grow larger. It takes parts of a millionth of a venom from a snake to kill. So does abuse by human being. If you continued this relationship, he will kill your self worth. If he loves you, he should be taking care of you, protecting you, looking after your well being and happiness, and most of all, respecting you. It is the fundamentals of human rights. He has violated that.
I know you love him, but please think long term. We all doubt that he is going to change, it just not in the stars for him. So unless you feel that it is okay and to be [psychologically and medically] acceptable to be his sexual punching bag, then you go ahead to continue this relationship. But if you cannot accept it [you've heard other aunts here too .. that his behaviour is just not acceptable] than you are better off without him. There are lots of nice decent men who love and respect their partners.
Good luck and be strong please!
Cat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): not worth the time move on get rid of him! i dont believe it i'm too late :( just listen to the other posters! show him the door etc...anyways not worth it, continue to find Mr Right rather than being lagged down with complete assholes! mind you it works both ways, but i would say since the question is dedicated to men then ditch the bloke ya can do alot better!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Thank you, all, for the responses. I have just been so confused because as one of you mentioned - yes, he does flatter me a LOT. But when it comes to the actual act of sex, he immediately shoots me down and then becomes more and more frustrated the less I approach him for sex. He's told me that there are two things that will make him treat me well and one of those things is good sex. I have always let him know that he makes me feel amazing and makes me feel better physically than I ever have (it's true), and I have NEVER once said that someone else was superior to him in ANY way. But I get such mixed signals emotionally and verbally (he has told me how all of the 48 women he's been with have 'f*cked him better', that they're intelligent multi-lingual, had big chests and tighter p*ssies. Also, when I got home from work last night, i was exhausted because I was up until the wee hours of the night the night before helping him with a project for his work. I said that I really needed to get to sleep early because I felt like I was getting two ear infections. I immediately put on my pajamas and was getting ready to have a snack before getting into bed and he starts to interrogate me "he likes thongs?" I asked him who he was speaking about and he replied with "the guy you are always with, I knew it". Twenty minutes he tells me that I have to stay awake to help with continue the project for his work or he will find another girl in the building to help him and that I have to dedicate my work time at MY job to help him or else I am putting my work and my friends and my Life before him. :( i have no more fight left in me. I have hurt myself in the past because some of the things he has said to me have driven me so ultimately low that I see no out - although I know there is an out, I just can't emotionally get myself there. I have started seeing a therapist because of the things he says to me and how I let them affect me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): LEAVE! Thats the only and the BEST thing you have to do! Surely there are hundreds and thousands of better people out there who will respect you and love you and treat you in a way you deserve. I can't beleive you are still with this monster. Its been just 7 months and already you feel like crap. Never expect him to change to a better person. He never will. Most probably this will get much worse with time. And what is this thing with two women??? Are you crazy? Just ask him to go to hell and leave!!! All the best!
You deserve so much better than this girl!
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A
male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (7 April 2009):
your boyfriend sounds like a sex drive killer. Women are turned on by flattery, not insults and if he was nicer, it may make you feel comfortable and more likely to do these sexual things. You should try to please him but only if you feel comfortable with it. If not then you are right to refuse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): You should never feel like that in a relation ship. He is being very disrepectful to you and the only advice that i can give you is to tell him to calm down or to leave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): I think you could try and compromise to save this relationship, like only commit to doing anal once a month and get some muscle relaxers or amyl nitrate, maybe a few beers to get relaxed first. And tell him your pussy wouldn't feel so stretched out like you fucked a N*GGER if he had a bigger cock, it will show him that you aren't going to just sit there and take his abuse. As far as the other girl goes, maybe just start with having the other girl in the room while you two have sex, then when you are all comfortable and feel like you can enjoy each other for who they are and not what they represent to you you will have more fun. This works, honey.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 The others have given good answers. I'll just say that you are not being too sensitive: this guy is treating you incredibly badly and unless he's willing to completely change his tune you should seriously consider leaving him. Most likely he's only going to drag you lower and lower if you stay with him.
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (6 April 2009):
 I think everyone has said what needed to be said: you need to get out of this relationship, FAST!
It is more than obvious he does not respect your wants or needs. You need and deserve to be happy. Find enough courage to get out of this relationship asap. Don't waste another night with this clown. Find a man that will treat you and your body with the upmost respect and admiration.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (6 April 2009):
 He sounds like a slefish bastard, if my boyfriend treated me like this then he would be gone! Get rid of him!x
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A
female
reader, Wolfheart  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 Sister, I would have shoved my boot down his throat and a red hot poker up his butt. This man does not seem to respect you and seems overly dominative. He claims you are cheating?? There is a possibility (note, possibility) that he himself may be the one sleeping around and uses the tactic of blaming you of doing such in order to get him out of the spotlight.By breaking you down like that he is forcing you to engage in things you do not want to do, Does he then not respect your needs?Sometimes men (like women) can be amazing people, but when it comes to sex they may have some kind of alter ego which differs so from his day-to-day self that you are quite confused. If he is not willing to listen and respect your wishes, then it may not be a good idea to remain in this relationship for the time being.Maybe at a later stage, but not until he grows up.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2009):
You are not over sensitive, your boyfriend is treating you like crap.
I would not be with a guy who spoke to me like that and was so paranoid and insulting to me.
Is this kind of treatment all you really think you deserve?
Any man who treats his girlfriend like this does not care about her.
No man should ever pressure you into anything you are not comfortable with. You should never ever be sworn at or told to "get used to" something.
I honestly think you need to think about if it is worth being with a man who is so happy to manipulate you, abuse you, pressure you, swear at you, and generally be a complete arsehole.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 April 2009):
 Show him the door this guy is Trouble with a capital T. He obviously doesn't give a rat's ass about what you need, feel or want. He is way too self-absorbed to much use to anybody.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Wow. You need to get a new boyfriend. It's obvious he doesn't respect you enough to consider your feelings. If he loved YOU, then he wouldn't be concerned with having sex with any other women. Relationships are built on trust. Him accusing you only makes one wonder if he is the cheater?? If he is pressuring you to have anal sex, then he definitely doesn't care about you the way he should. Get out of this relationship before you end up in a situation you can't get out of. Good luck!! Remember, you are a princess and deserve nothing but the best.
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