A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Some thoughts are very welcome.I am interested in this guy I work with, he leaves in July. He was shown an interest in me for a while but he has made it clear that he only wants a bit of fun nothing serious, we have kissed once unfortunately at work, he has my mobile number and sends me the occasional text, mostly flirting. I would like to have a bit of fun but not in the actually work places, but he thinks because we kissed at work once, it can happen again and possibly more, he has his own flat, the other problem is is that I am a virgin and have never had a boyfriend, I am not that confident around blokes and he is megga confident and has loads of experience, I don't want to tell him I am a virgin just incase he tells people at work. My friends think I should use him in the same way he wants to use me for a bit of fun, but I fear I may get to attached and I probably would you know if he didn't want to just hook up at work, well eventually, after a while, like I say maybe out of work. I know you will probably say, don't go there and save myself for someone special, but I feel like I am missing out I mean I am 26 and he is the FIRST bloke i have ever felt attracted to.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Thank god there is someone else out there who is a virgin like me too at 26,I Know how you feel I've never ever been confident around men,and when i fancy a guy i never tell them as i think they'll tell me they don't like me, i guess its just a confidence thing, It's getting better now as i go out a lot more and talk to men.I've never really had a boyfriend myself, my shyness has kept me single.If you like this guy then maybe his the one you've been waiting for, but i don't think you should rush into a relationship just to lose your virginity. If the guy is really interested then you been a virgin shouldn't be a problem, I'm sure if he really likes you he will wait until your ready. So relax and see what happens. Apart from my Mum and my sisters nobody else knows I'm still a virgin at 26, so i understand when you say you don't want people at work to know your still a virgin.I've never told anybody at work I'm a virgin simply because I worry people will think I'm confused or if a lesbian, It's just not the case, I know my sexual identity and thats straight, not confused or Bi, just straight. Can i just say been a virgin at 26 is a good thing and I'm willing to wait until I'm ready, these days so many people sleep around and pass on STD'S and have abortions.It's good thing the way we are. : D
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Feeling inexperienced and uncertain are normal, healthy responses if you're not comfortable with the situation. You can either gain experience and enjoy yourself, or save your virginity for a more serious relationship. The dangers are that you could miss out on gaining that life experience that builds your self-confidence so that you can grow as a person, or that you settle for something fleeting and not have the feeling of value that you may place on being a virgin. Your age makes it somewhat tricky, as most of your potential partners may be more experienced than you, and so you may be missing out on dating variety while holding out for secure relationships. There is nothing wrong with enjoying an honest fling, as long as you know that you're going to be respecting yourself afterwards. Consider too that virginity only matters to the virgin. If you have a problem feeling attracted to a wider selection of men, you may be sabotaging yourself while waiting for the "perfect" guy. That can lead you to being vulnerable to players who know how to act like that perfect catch, when in truth no one is perfect. Inre: this fellow, you may be falling for a super-experienced image because you've blinded yourself to all the great normal folks around you. Virgins tend to idealize sex and dating, and suffer from a self-imposed naivete about their own attractions.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): if you are a virgin, i suggest you find a guy you really like and get into a relationship with him. And loose your virginity to someone who likes you and doesnt just want you for abit of fun. Virginity is something very important, you might end up regretting it if you dont treat your virginity with respect. You arent missing out, i have great respect for someone of your age who is still a virgin, it will make your first time even more special and make it more worth your while to find that special person to loose it too. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): The answers were helpful but mixed and I thought I would post it again, as I am still unsure.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 I guess you didn't like the answers you got when you posted this last week, eh?
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A
male
reader, broken casanova  +, writes (6 April 2009):
 the REAL question is: can you handle a random fling without getting attached? once you are 100% certain that you want this guy to be your "first", let him know you'd like to play ball on the condition however that NO ONE at work knows and that NO affection etc will happen at work. (remember, HE is leaving, NOT you, he wont care as much what happens at work since he wont be there in a few months.)If you come to the conclusion that it is not worth it, stick to your guns and forget about it.If however you are certain you'd like to try it out, with NO GUARANTEES, I say have fun, but be safe. make sure he has an std test BEFORE you sleep with him. life IS too short to not have fun, but also too short to get a std from your 'first'good luck
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