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female
age
51-59,
*anchee
writes: Need advise I am dating a man since for a year now. We are both in are 30's,but he is a few years younger than i.I have never ment his mother but by things mentioned she does not agree with this relationship. He is a BIG TIME mamma's boy and admits it willingly and sees no problems with this. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and did ask me to marry him.I dont see him much as he says his family(which is his mom) comes first and she will call on his cell phone and wreck plans we have made anytime she feel like it. He jumps when she calls leaving me to last or when his mom has finshed with him. He and his mom and sister share a house together.Now i have not said anything yet. When he get a vacation or time off he spends it with his mom and christmas he when with his mom to her new boyfriends house,as he says he is family now, but i his girl friend am not. I bought him a beautiful present for chritmas he got me something under ten dollars.he bought for his mom and her boyfriend and all the boyfriends family though and was not cheap about it. We broke up once for a couple of months but he started asking back now i am not sure i made the right desition.On top of this a few months into the relationship i found out and he tod me that he never had a sexuall relationship before. He doesnt care much for sex and when he does its all him he didnt even know i had a belly ring till i told him and we were sleeping together for four months by then.I feel he doesnt care but he keeps saying he does. We work the same hours at different fctorys but hee will not even bother picking me up he makes excuses each night,before work so i know he will not. I walk home at 11pm and it takes me a hour+. I am really tired of the lies and games...anyone have good advise here?
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male
reader, childof1981  +, writes (26 December 2006):
 Your relationship is not working on a practical level. Your partner has simply not integrated you into his life and that is a dead giveaway that he is not serious about the relationship. He may not even realize this himself, and that is something he will discover with time.
I would break up with him and move on to greener pastures. You have a set of expectations from a relationship, and it's not wrong to end a relationship if those expectations are not being met.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Been there done that.
Guess what?
The Loser will chose his Mother time and again and Mommy is a controlling, manipulative woman who cannot stand the thought of any of her children growing up and discovering how unhappy and evil she is in that she has robbed her children of so much by teaching them they are nothing without her.
You are better off without this "man".
Leave now and find someone who wants to put you first. You deserve this.
Best Wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): I don't think the "momma's boy" part is really the problem. It's his character/personality that lacks, as well as the warmth, romance, consideration, maturity/refinement, and so on and so forth. I mean, unless you have a very just reason for staying with him - eg: [blank expression with raised eyebrow] - I think your reassessment here of him is a good indication that it's time for you to let go.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 December 2006):
 He's a total goner. You need to drop him like a hot potato. Absolutely no future here. Good luck, I'm sure you will find the MAN of your dreams.
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (26 December 2006):
 If this guy could marry his mother, he probably would.
He is in his thirties but does not thinks much about sex?
His relationship with his mother is very close, to close to be healthy, I do not believe you can have change that, no wonder he has never had previous sexual relationship,there was not time as he spends it running after his mother.
If this guy really cares about you, why the hell have you not met his mother yet? It might help the mother realize that the son has a life of his own to live. After meeting her, the situation continues, move on. Life is to short.
You must talk to him and explain that you are not going out with his mother, just him and there has to be some compromise.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (26 December 2006):
I don't know what you are getting out of this - not much, by the sound of it. He isn't that bothered and he seems to get what he wants and suits himself. You'd be better off looking for someone who meets your needs, someone who recognises that you have them in fact. This isn't him and he won't change. I think he just isn't that interested, sorry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): Well none of these things your boyfriend has done lately sound like the kind of relationship you want, and you say you have not said anything to him....yet.
Why not start by giving him a copy of this letter and see what he has to say for himself....it is your fault for letting this go on this way for a year or more...you teach people how to treat you, if you do not like him breaking plans for his mother and family, then don't see him anymore, and tell him why.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2006): pardon me but since you know he's a mommy boy why are u still harping on it. he wouldn't change for u if you are hoping for that. unless you can accept a "mommy's boy" else time to move on...
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