A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend recently broke up with me and only a few days later told my best friend he liked her. She also had feelings for him, but for my sake she tried to hold them back. Unfortunatley this resolution only lasted a few days and they got together secretly so they wouldnt hurt me. Of course, I eventually found out and confronted them both and we've been on bad terms ever since. I'm still deeply in love with him and i miss my friend so much. Part of me resents her for letting herself get in that situation where she would fall for her best friends boyfrend, but then again part of me resents myself for making this sitaution even harder for them both. They both know im still in love with him and both have said I need to act normal around them and stop distancing myself from them. But I'm finding this really hard because every time I see them together, it depresses me for days and I cant handle it. How can I get over this without losing my two best friends?
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female
reader, cupidhelper  +, writes (24 September 2007):
Hey,
this is crappy and you need to know it isn't cool. that being said, as he broke up with you first. If you believe that they just happened to hook up days after you're break-up without one or both knowing they were going to move on each other.
Talk to each one seperately, when you're calm, as ask for the truth: when each knew they liked on another. they didn't have to act it romantically-- just put the feelers out there.
You should really decide if you want to stay friends with either of these people-- they did a horrible thing. But if you feel it was "human" then you be human as only hang with them as individuals. If she has a problem with it, she may be jeolous of you getting back with him. In which case, you to ask: why? He broke up with you-- he doesn't want you anymore or did she put out feelers and he broke up with you so you guys COULD get back together without being labled a Cheater.
Either way, keep to yourself. Heal. Then deal with them individually until You're comfortable with hanging with them as a couple. They can not force you to get over; they need to be greateful you're still friends.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (23 September 2007):
 I don't know how many times I say this, it's not OK to date your best friends ex, unless you want what you're going through to happen. Boys come and go, so why mess up a best friend friendship over a boy. It's hard enough as it is to see someone you love being with someone else, let alone someone you always trust.
You have to make choices. Are you willing to put yourself in their presence knowing how it affects you?
If they stay together, what are you gong to do with the friendship, if you can't get over this guy?
Now it was very inappropriate for either of them to ask you to act normal when around them. Their getting together was messed up, but telling you to act normal when you're around them. I think after that comment they need to bend over and pull their heads out of their rears and join the rest of us on planet reality. If either one of them believe that is something that can happen, you are much better off without them, because I don't want your intelligence to decrease if their's in contagious.
I would tell them, what they did was wrong, they had the ability to choose, and did so without taking into consideration what your feeling are. I'd end contact with them for a while, and sorted out my feelings before making mistakes in the what should I do process. As you clear your head, what you should do will come to you.
Take care, and I hope this mess gets fixed
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): This is why you have to teach yourself to see your friend's bf as a brother, but in 'humans vs their principles,' humans are usually weaker. There's not much you can do to avoid feeling down at the idea these two close persons to you occupy new postures than they used to, it's only natural you feel hurt. Being so recent, it's not as if you can already start to party the three of you. You need some time for yourself to 'digest' what happened and all they can do is respect your position and act least affectionate when they are around you, only that even this intention to spare you the discomfort may seem awkward. In time, you'll reconstruct your lovelife with somebody new and who knows, invite the two to Sunday coffee. You can't avoid how you feel now, and if they care for you they probably feel a bit guilty as well for the pain this caused you. Think of you and what pleases you, if you are unhappy for the moment with seeing them together, just avoid frequent contact until your heart is at peace again. Then you may continue from where you left off. All the best.
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