A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay basically me and my boyfriend have been together about 8 months. its a long distance relationship. he is 20 and i am 16. we are both different religions. in my religion about once a year on a festival they make a special drink which contains drugs. now in order to get high on this you need to drink about 5 litres or something (basically alot). i had about 100ml like i do every year. (note: this is religious; i would not take drugs for fun). however, my boyfriend goes to me oh you lied to me, you do drugs no matter what the quantity is etc. i didn't know what to say, we have never had an argument before! i do not do drugs! and he won't understand this. we aren't talking right now. i said i'm sorry and i think he is misunderstanding (i have never even had alcohol before) and i don't say anything when he has alcohol either and he even goes out sometimes without telling me. i get worried but he always says sorry and i say its fine. i'm one to hide my feelings where as he is very blunt and straight up. i have no idea what to do now! i apologised! and it's not even much of a big deal - he's making it into one.i've already had issues as my best friends don't like him just because he is older and it's long distance - even though they don't know him and have never spoken to him. he doesn't appreciate that i had to go through a lot with my friends in order to be with him. i love him--there's no doubt about it. i just feel like he is overreacting a little bit. what should i do now??? any suggestions would be very much appreciated :(
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I don't get on a moral high horse, I get on a legal high horse. In all Europe ( and USA too ) consumption of drugs by minors is totally illegal, in ANY quantity and for any purpose. It's a crime and it's punishable with heavy fines and jail terms , according to the different States.
As for bhang being innoucuous- well, it won't be THAT innocuous, if it's illegal even in some hindu-populated states of India !
Anyway : different countries, different costumes. If you live in Uk, you must abide by the UK laws , which do not specify any exception about drugs consumption and circulation ,in honour of Demoness Holika .
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I'm confused OP, some take the Bhang for it's intended purpose and others drink it to get high?
Another question is I see your flag is UK, is that where you are currently residing? Cannabis is actually illegal there and I couldn't find any clauses uses religion as an exemption. Of course countries where Hinduism is popular such as India, certain parts of Bangladesh, etc, consuming, smoking cannabis is permitted.
If you currently live in Britain, I can understand how your boyfriend would be upset because he thinks you're breaking the (Britain law). However, it is your religion and I do hope you are drinking the Bhang for it's intended holy purpose.
Now, you can find some information about Bhang and Hinduism to send to him via email or snail mail..tell him to read up on your religion so he can grasp some sort of understanding. You're not asking him to convert or telling him he's wrong, you're just explaining why it's necessary you drink this. If he doesn't care to, or he still continues to stay mad at you then unfortunately your religions are clashing and you two aren't that suited together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Hey there,
I'm guessing it's a cross cultural relationship and he's not Hindu. You're hurt because you shared something personal about yourself and your family and he reacted by reflexively by labeling you a drug user.
My father is an immigrant and there are certain practices I'm asked to participate in at funerals or marriages that don't make a lot of sense in the west. But I do it because it has meaning to our family and the community. Perhaps it's a little strange and perhaps it not always 100% safe, but nothing ever is, is it?
Do you call drinking from the same communion cup hygenic? Could that be a risk to "minors health"? Absolutely...it's already happened and the practice continues.
But do I get on a moral high chair about it? Would I go so far as saying some taking communion is a form of cannibalism? Absolutely not. It just happens to be meaningful to the people who chose to do it. I try to respect that.
You should tell your boyfriend this is who you are and if he can't put up with it without calling you names, he shouldn't date you. You don't really need to apologize to him either....what are you apologizing for? You've done nothing wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes im hindhu and you are right its called 'bhang' but i have a lil every year and its not strong at all. and yea technically they offer it to god so you have to take a little. Even my 9 year old brother has a bit! i understand his feelings and i apologised but my parents gave it to me its not like i went out and did drugs myself!( and thank you very much for your suggestions)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): It's quite difficult for people of two different religions to work out together just like it's difficult for people of different ages to work out (at least when one's a teenager) just like it's difficult for long distance relationships to work out.... I suggest you move on
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A
male
reader, Mig29  +, writes (3 March 2011):
Tennisstar, you got that right, Its a Hindu thing we do on Holi (20th March 2011)and we drink it to get high and its not a religious thing at all. A lot of people drink it only on that day and its just fine....Not illeagel here..though smoking it is...
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (3 March 2011):
Are you Hindu? They have a drink called Bhang that contains cannabis leaves, milk, spices, and flowers.
It sounds like you belong to some cult. Please enlighten us on your religion.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I'm with frank on this one. What religion is this and what were the drugs? If you don't know I highly recommend you do not take them again. I'm no expert but at this very moment I am doing a toxology paper on recreational drugs and they can have very long life spans in the body doing alot of damage. Are you talking about an alcoholic drink because that is quite common but all that is running through my mind right now is that you are in a cult and not a religion.
As I see it you have two options here. Either you stay true to your religion and say that he has to accept it along with you or you really start questioning this religion and maybe turn to interal spirituality which won't conflict so heavily with the norms of soceity. Religion or not it is not a norm of soceity to take drugs as part of a festival. The only place that I can think of where that would be the case is Ampsterdam.
I really hope you think this one through for yourself and not what the religion or your bf is telling you. You are old enough to make your own chioces meaning you should be informed about them.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (3 March 2011):
 What is the name and order of this religion that requires minors to do drugs?
-Frank
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A
male
reader, sebaslookingforward  +, writes (3 March 2011):
look at my username. Look forward, move on, you deserve something better than him. He just sounds controlling, and he is making you sad. Youve known your friends for so long, but youve been with your boyfriend for 8 months. 8 months is not a very long time actually, as many couples break up even after years of having been together. the more time you wait, the harder it will be to move on. i have had experience with online relationships, and i am currently moving on after my gf cheated on me. online dating is tempting because there is no shyness involved, but imagine living with him in real life? wouldnt he be too controlling? maybe violent. your friends are right, feel lucky that you could tell them about this guy! they are giving you good advice, good luck! and try to keep away from online or long distance dating
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