A
female
age
30-35,
*abra
writes:For background, my entire romantic life has been full of men who did not make me feel womanly. I happen to be a more forward/blunt person and that has resulted in me being the one who "wears the pants" in every relationship except my current one.I've been dating him for about a year and a half and things have been going pretty well. For once I feel like the woman in the relationship despite the fact that he's a few years younger than me. But last night some reddit thing popped up that brought about this conversation; whether or not he wanted me to anally stimulate him. I say that not because "fingering" sounds dirty but because he's indicated that the idea of me popping on a strap-on is hot to him.This is, in short, my nightmare. He's never done anything like that before so he's not sure if he'd like it and has never indicated an interest in this in the past year or so we've been having sex. But the idea of doing something like that to the guy I'm with doesn't just leave me cold, it leaves me feeling grossed out. I want a guy who's dominant in bed and can hold his own with me - I feel like this will definitely influence how I see him out of bed, and not in a way I feel attracted to.I realize I'm probably being small minded; I had accepted that I'd probably have to try the fingering a dude thing in my lifetime and that it would make the guy happy. But mounting him via strap-on? It's really just not my cup of tea.So I guess what I'm asking is am I being crazy or neurotic? Does it make sense that I feel so distinctly unwomanly at the idea of doing this? Thanks for any input :(PS: I also don't want to hold him back sexually, for the record. If this is what he wants to do, who am I to say NEVER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE MAY YOU DO THIS!! Advise me pls :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2014): Look as a guy that has had multiple orgasms from being on the reviving end of a strapon I can see why he is interested in the idea.
I would just like to make a few points from my experience.
1, he has probably had a play by himself and liked it a bit at least.
2, he would have been nervous as hell bringing the idea up with you.
3, my wife was not keen on the idea at all but gave it a go. She did say to my surprise that it was not as bad to do as she had expected, but it was hard work
4 good luck, and talking is so important
A
female
reader, sabra +, writes (22 August 2011):
sabra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the input. I've talked to him more about it and he just did not seem to care about it very much. He said he wasn't even sure he'd like it and wouldn't make me do it besides.I told him that I'd be willing to do other things but he seems pretty "meh" about it. I guess it wasn't as serious a thing as he indicated at first...?In any case I told him I'm probably not gonna get the nerve up to do strap-on times and he was okay with it. Thanks again everyone :)
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (22 August 2011):
I had to laugh at this because I too am with a partner that is extrememly manly and macho but he does enjoy anal stimulation and penetration and has been enjoying himself solo since his late teens and now he's in his upper 40's! There are many nerve endings in the anus as well as the prostate in males. To some people/men, there is allot of pleasure involved and has nothing to do with sexual orientation or whether you're submissive or dominiant. My partner is a pleasure seeker and if there is pleasre in it, he wants it. My husband has been working on a "machine" that can do him anally for quite some time now but is nowhere near completion. Since new years, we've been working on me doing him and bought a strap on earlier this summer. It is definately a turn off for me and I don't enjoy anything about it other than pleasing my partner so it's kind of a "that time of the month" thing when I'm not arousable and don't want to be stimulated/touched anyway. Just another reason to hate my period!!!!
Bottom line ( pun intended), I love my husband and want him to be happy and fullfilled in our marriage as well as our sex life. He's aware that anal activites will never be something I look forward to. None the less, it took allot of courage for him to discuss this with me in the first place. Your partner has risked judgement and rejection by opening up to you. I'm not saying that you must try to accomadate his fantasy if you know outright that you can't bring yourself to oblidge under any circumstances ( beleive me, the butt hole is dirty, ugly and not in the least bit appealing to me either ) but think of the degree of intimacy and trust he's already shown by discussing this with you. I've wrestled with this issue in my own mind and had to both reconcile my disgust against my feelings of love and compassion for my mate. Some womem get off on the dominating aspect and role reversal, while others like knowing that they are pleasing their partner. I've never seen my husband as less of a man because he likes this form of sexual stimulation, though I do find him a bit of a freak. He finds me a bit of a prude too but there's no hurt feelings because we both know where the other stands. It's all about communication and trust. He trusted me with his secret desires. Now if this has changed the way you feel about him and you can't see yourself indulging in experimentation of his back door, maybe the kindest and most compassionate thing you can do is let him go. There's no sin in wanting the best for yourself and for him in the future. Compatibility and willingness to compromise, sexual and otherwise, is extremely important in any relationship.
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A
male
reader, Dataluke  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 I've asked my partner if she could do the very same thing to me, and the look on her face was as if I'd asked her to meet the Queen in the nude, I'd never seen her so terrified lol.
She doesn't want to do it, she told me and I excepted that. You need to tell your partner that you don't want to do it, it doesn't turn you on and you would prefer him to be the dominant one. He will understand, you have every right to refuse just as he has every right to refuse.
All the best, Dataluke
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Some web sites...
http://prostatestimulationguide.com/
.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/anal-sex-toys/anal-vibrators/sp-waterproof-prostate-massager-9080.aspx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (22 August 2011):
I can see how you would find this pretty out there as a sexual act. I get the whole prostate as a sex spot but I think most women are going to balk at a strap on. This brings having a "porn buddy" who will come in and dispose of your porn stash (in case of death/re:parents/from 'Friends') to the next level - I'm not sure I'd want anyone to find a strap on in my house!
There are vibrators that are "prostate stimulators". Perhaps you should try those if you are still trying to please him?
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (22 August 2011):
 Sounds like you don't like submissive guys. That's okay.
You don't want to do your boyfriend with a strap on, you don't have to. And that's okay.
And you know what, you don't have to finger a dude EVER if you don't want to.
I am a pretty sexually open minded woman. I'm open to dominating, being dominated, sex in front of people, stuff like that.
And honestly, anything anal on a guy is a no go for me. I'm not even really that open to it on me.
Yes, it does make sense that you'd feel unwomanly at the idea of it. Think about it, penetration is viewed as a manly thing isn't it? They finger us, they have the equipment to penetrate us.
Maybe he just thinks the fantasy is hot? A lot of people fantasize about things they wouldn't even dare try in real life.
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A
female
reader, sabra +, writes (21 August 2011):
sabra is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't really planning on a break I was just wondering what exactly do I do in this situation. Thanks for the input :)
Also, that title really exaggerates the situation wtf.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 August 2011):
 You shouldn't end a relationship just because of one fantasy that makes the other uncomfortable. You'll both have fantasies throughout your relationship that the other is unwilling to try, and that's OK. You have the right to decline. Maybe you could buy a sex toy and use that on him without it being a strap-on as a compromise?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): My opinion is that this guy just might not be the one for you. Even though I've heard that anal stimulation can feel really good to a guy, I have zero interest in having someone stick anything up my rectum. Finger, strap on... it doesn't matter. That's a no fly zone! Now, I'm not judging guys who are into these things, it simply isn't for me.Because this is such a turn off for you, you'll have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not. What you're saying is that you desire a manly man, and you obviously wouldn't expect such a guy to make that kind of request. If this has seriously affected the way you view your guy, the damage may already be done.
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