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female
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anonymous
writes: I have a boyfriend who is 35. We have been together for 8 and a half months. I like to be intimite quite a bit but he doesnt, he says its because his tired or that i pressure him too much. He is also very insecure and blames me alot for cheating when i know that i would never do that to him.Does he do all this because his clearly not interested?I' m confused and it hurts when he does not want to be intimite as i dont feel wantedhelp
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female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (3 November 2006):
 This Guy is Very Very Insecure, and he is frightened. Frightened of being hurt. Frightened of showing his Feelings. Frightened of being rebuffed. Can you imagine what it is like for a guy (they always have to make the "first moves"), to pluck up the courage to ask a girl out / or to dance / or for a date, only to be rejectd? If the shoe were on the other foot, all us girls would be paranoid! I understand your un-happiness over this issue, but please bear with it; Is it possible that you have, without meaning to, shown him that you would like more intimacy than is currently going on? Perhaps he knows this; and is frightened of being a "failure"? Please reassure your guy that you love him to bits, hold him, stroke his hair, and kiss him. Don`t give even a hint that you would like to have sex, just enjoy him, and let him enjoy you, gently kissing. I would like for you both to do this for a week, with no expectations on either side. I hope you will let me know how you get on, and hopefully your next message will be a short one as you`re busy in the bedroom! With Love, Heather x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2006): You are involved with a man who does not enjoy or want physical intimacy with you. I for one, believe physical intimacy and making love is how a man and woman connect and bond and build their emotional love. He is not doing this with you. He's insecure and is accusing you of cheating when their is no warranted reason for it. The man sounds like a troubled, broken soul. Some men like this do not love themselves and they lash out at the person closest to them. Affection, for him, is a bargaining tool, a method to control you. There is no fixing this. It appears you may be settling for crumbs. You must realize that how he treats you now, 8 months into this relationship may be "as good as it will get". Can you see where your future is heading here? I think you should realize that sometimes women fall in love with the wrong guy for them. They delude themselves into thinking that all their love, warmth and nuturing will change this man who has a closed and controlling way of thinking. Don't allow this to demoralize you or kill your beauty and strength. You seriously need to re-evaluate and reconsider this relationship. Think with your head, hun. Look after your own emotional health. Life is just to damned short to waste it like this.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 He may be insecure about the relationship... or maybe about his abilities in bed. Next time you two do have sex make sure to let him know how good he makes you feel. Make noises, show how much you are enjoying yourself... that may help increase his insecurities
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A
male
reader, moomoomoo +, writes (2 November 2006):
 there probably is a reason.. and a good one.. this person seems like a good guy. i mean come on, what guy would pass up free sex?? anyways.. i think he might be trying to be a gentlemen and not do it if you're a lot younger than him and he could get in trouble or affect you greatly... or something else... thats' my little bit of advice, i'm not entirely sure how to completely answer this.
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