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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He was with his previous gf for almost two. He broke up with her due to her insane jealousy. They still however email, text and talk on the phone 2-3 times weekly. I am incredibly bothered by it, but he tells me he loves me very much, but he will also still always love her. They just can't and will never work out, but will remain friends because they shared so much together. He openly admits he feels bad for talking with her, but he does not want to let go of their friendship because all in all she was a "wonderful" person. Do I move on?
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female
reader, sinta uly  +, writes (16 November 2010):
i am currently dating a man with 2 kids( 10 YO&10Yo ) which been divorced 7 years ago,my BF still in touch with his X bcos the kids,he love his kids so much and call them twice a day,i love my bf so much as he really good man,sweet,caring and hes really super dad n just love it,but fact i feel like not happy when he have to call childrens tru his ex,as so far i know his ex still love him and sometimes she makes drama bring up her kids to cover her jealousy whenever she knows that were on dating or goin out for movie like saying dating is more important thancall their kids as so far my bf alaways call his kids all time ,then she start arguing in the phone with my bf.then i also have to be alone due this thanksgiving10 days in leeds and xmast till NYE10 days in US(and our house in UAE), sometimes due school holiday and his kids birthday ,as my bf have to be with his kids and offcourse with his ex wife too, i know he loves me and were in serious relationships and soon will be my husband but this situation how frequently he met his ex just make me feel sad all time i am tryin to understand as hes there not bcos his ex but all just for kids, so i dont know if wot he do is right or wrong as i feel always miserable whenever he have to be with his kids not bcos kids as bcos his ex wife there.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (19 April 2010):
 He's not over his ex yet no matter what he says to you. He's with you but I get the feeling he's hoping that things can be reignited again with this ex. If he truly loved you then he would never be in touch with this ex as often. How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot?
Do NOT make him decide! No one likes ultimatums, it only acts as pressure. I would be strong and tell him that him keeping such close contact with her does bother you big time and you know you can't go on living this way... see how he responds. If, after a couple of weeks the contact continues then I would tell him things aren't working out between you and that you're breaking up with him as you will NOT compete with an ex and be second best to anyone then tell him you hope him and his ex are very happy together. Maybe THIS will spur him into action and realise just what he has lost.
Keep in touch and let me know how it goes.
~Eve~
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female
reader, mkimber  +, writes (19 April 2010):
Get out now. I have been living with my bf for 8 years, built an entire life together, a business, and I found out he was cheating on me with his ex-wife (they have been divorced for 9 years now!) and that he never got over her. You could be me years from now, with a completely devastated life and having to start over at 49 years old. Don't do it, leave now, find a man who will be yours and not someone else's too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): I am in a strange situation also...
I have been dating and now living with a guy who has been separated for a year now and the divorce is coming through this year.
I met the "soon to be ex wife" last weekend and she was obvoiusly miffed about meeting me however was sort of pleasant towards me. That day, they went over to their old house to sort out who was getting what and I found out that he had told her that I had felt threatened by her - he told her a few weeks ago and I was so upset he told her and I felt that his loyalty to her was stronger.
They see each other once a week and she says she regrets it - they were together for 13 years (married 4). They split up because they were good friends however were in a sexless marriage.
I feel consumed by the way that they are still seeing each other twice a week, send emails and talk on the phone. I haven't said he couldn't see her however, I feel like there are 3 of us in this relationship. I am totally consumed by this at the moment and it has affected our own relationship and we are not really close at the moment.
I was trying to be mature by meeting her at the weekend and even invited her in for coffee.
Is this normal for me to feel this way? I trust him - not her. SHe wants him back. He is strong not to go back - perhaps just misplaced loyalty?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I think it is best you moved on and found someone else who is exclusively yours. It's not a bad thing that he keeps in contact with his ex-girlfriend of 2 years but 2 to 3 times a week is rather over the top. It should only be on important occasions (with boundaries attached). Also whatever he says to his ex-girlfriend on the phone he should say it to her with you sitting right next to him. No sneeking off into another room and having private chit chats with her. The fact that he is saying he still loves her and also loves you should have alarm bells ringing (no one can love two people at once). I realise that you love your boyfriend and would like things to be right between you. But he has not let go of his past relationship. You deserve to be with someone who can give you their 100% of themselves.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I think it is best you moved on and found someone else who is exclusively yours. It's not a bad thing that he keeps in contact with his ex-girlfriend of 2 years but 2 to 3 times a week is rather over the top. It should only be on important occasions (with boundaries attached). Also whatever he says to his ex-girlfriend on the phone he should say it to her with you sitting right next to him. No sneeking off into another room and having private chit chats with her. The fact that he is saying he still loves her and also loves you should have alarm bells ringing (no one can love two people at once). I realise that you love your boyfriend and would like things to be right between you. But he has not let go of his past relationship. You deserve to be with someone who can give you their 100% of themselves.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): hey ive just been reading this page and i have a simular problem? i was with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months and i found out a few days ago that he met up with his ex behind my bak?! I no there just friends but the facet he kept it from me does that mean he had something to hide? and after we broke up he went to her house just them two? ive had bad relaisionships in the past and i thought id acturally found someone who was perfect for me? i dont no what to believe!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): sweety insist that he doesnt contact her anymore
She's his past, you re his future.Who knows what can
happen if they happen to secretly meet and things could get carried away,afterall they we re romantally involved once- take caution!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2007): I feel for you. Your situation is probably worse than mine, since he says he'll always love her. But on the other hand, it's probably more cut and dry. If he'll always love her, then he shouldn't be talking to her, period.
My fiancé wants to remain friends with a guy she a had a long term casual sexual relationship with, and even cheated on a boyfriend with. And she wants to be friends with her ex boyfriend who admitted to being disappointed that she's in a committed relationship. The biggest issue is that she has a history of going back to ex boyfriends, and a history of having very inappropriate conversations with other guys when in relationships. I feel like a jerk wanting her to not talk to him, but I just don't think I can handle it.
I was very in love with the woman before her and I have cut off all contact with my ex. It's just the way it has to be. I don't mind my fiancé having some guy friends. But I just don't think she needs to stay in contact with ex boyfriends when she has plenty of other friends, who don't want to sleep with her or have her back.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): It is extremely hard to accept people we are inlove with had a life before us. But they did and we can't take that away from them. And we cant expect them to forget and cease all contact with anyone that meant something for them in the past. but it is not right either if they exagerate in their attention to their exes. Considering that this exageration doesnt exist and they just maintain a decent and reserved contact, then it is all about trust. If there is no trust, there is nothing.
In your case, he sais he will always love her. That is not right. It is right to remain friends, but he should only love you and in a way that he never loved anyone before. If he doesnt feel that, then it is all pointless.
So:
it is right to check on your exes health and keep in contact mostly through email or to phone them once a month.
it is right to remain friends in the conditions exposed above
it is wrong to be in a new relationship and still have feelings for you ex
it is wrong to talk every day on the phone and meet with an ex.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): I am looking on the net to get some information that can relate to my own situation - and here it is. I have been friends with this guy for 2 years and now dating him for 7 months. We say we love each other and feel madly in love... The problem is his ex wife (they been friends since they were teens) and were married for 5 years..She ended the marriage by cheating on him but they remain friends. I can't stand it because she pops in over his house when I am there without even calling and calls him constatly on the phone. If she is not calling - he is calling her or her new boyfriend that she cheated with - Oh did I mention that he befriended her new boyfriend? Yes so now they all hang together.. Weird situation.. I told him how I felt about her crossing the line and taking my time away from him - and all he said is that I was jelous and insecure... So what do I do? I have tried to talk with him about it and he just disqualifies my feelings saying I have no right to feel this way... Please help... I love him but now everytime the phone rings I think its her... I just can't stand it...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2007): I feel you should definately move on. The past is the past, it would be one thing if you did not mind, but he knows that you are terribly bothered by it. I recently stopped my boyfreind from any contacts with any old girlfriends, but do not mind however if he is contact with his ex wife with whom he has two wonderful children with because this cannot be avoided.There is always a degree, and there should always be a line which one should not cross, I feel he should respect you and move on, or else, you should.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): Everyone will say Move on Girl, but we all know it is not that easy. If the ex is still in the picture, then you should get prepared for the day he leaves you, or the day you will end up leaving him. You can not have a relationship with one foot in the door and the other out the door. It doesnt work. If you stay, you will be miserable. Everytime the phone rings your heart will feel like its about to stop, everytime hes not around you'll constantly think he's with the ex. This will be hard for you. If you do stay, then the only thing I would do, is not put my all in him. Go out, meet people, get a hobby, keep yourself busy. If hes not ready to cut all ties with the ex, then maybe what your feeling for him isnt real either. Have a talk first.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): Everyone will say Move on Girl, but we all know it is not that easy. If the ex is still in the picture, then you should get prepared for the day he leaves you, or the day you will end up leaving him. You can not have a relationship with one foot in the door and the other out the door. It doesnt work. If you stay, you will be miserable. Everytime the phone rings your heart will feel like its about to stop, everytime hes not around you'll constantly think he's with the ex. This will be hard for you. If you do stay, then the only thing I would do, is not put my all in him. Go out, meet people, get a hobby, keep yourself busy. If hes not ready to cut all ties with the ex, then maybe what your feeling for him isnt real either. Have a talk first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2006): I think he is being very selfish & wanting the the thrill element of 'playing games' while not showing respect to his new partner.
I am recently married to a great person but find it hard to understand that she believes it ok 4 her to stay good friends with an ex (m) as she ended a 2 yr r/ship on good terms yet doesn't want me to stay friends with my ex fiance of 8 yrs. States that she ended on a gd note while my b/up wasn't meaning that its ok? I'm one confused male. I think respect for new partner should be paramount as it this person that you wish to be with for a long time all going well. Plus contacting her ex when we've had words is definetely not on. Shows lack of loyalty. Almost like she wants her ex to see her still as a gr8 person & can't let go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Iam in the the situation of the ex girl. Me and my exboyfriend broke up after three years togeather, and he still wants to remain friends. He is seeing someone and he still flirts with me on the phone and always trying to see me. I feel sorry for the current girl cause he cant let go of me. I had to end the friendship cuase i feel like iam still in a relationship with him. He'll call me every day, and he always bring up the timers we had togeather, and says the girl his with does not mean nothing to him. I don't want him but his finding it hard to move on. If i get with someone i would not let them be talking to there ex, cause i know what they be talking about.
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male
reader, annonymus +, writes (26 October 2005):
I know exactly what you are going through....I'm going through it right now too. I'm not sure what kind of advice to give, you, or I would have taken it already, but if you come to any solutions please let me know, as my b-frinds ex who was living long distance is now moving to the same city as us. It sounds like your bfriend knows it makes you feel bad, as does mine. But we are responsible for what we put up with, so as long as we keep dealing with it, they will continue thier actions. Having friends of the opposite sex isn't our issue here, its friends of the opposite sex that they had been in love with. I think always caring and staying somewhat in touch isn't always unreasonable, but the amount they keep in touch is too much!! (Is the ex in a new relationship now as well? How does her bf feel?)
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female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (20 October 2005):
Ok this is a tough one, but your boyfriend doesnt know that his EX is an EX for a reason. Unless they're good friends after ending things amicably that's different because there's nothing going on, but if he's still contacting her by phone, email, and even seeing each other in person chances likely he's still in love with her. I would seriously consider ending things with him because you don't want to stay with this dude and he's doing nothing, but wasting your time and playing you at the same time. You deserve better than this and find someone who's going to treat you like you should be treated like the lady that you are.
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female
reader, soswi +, writes (20 October 2005):
If he is openly admitting to still loving her I can see why you are so upset. However I feel that it is incredibly insensitive for him to keep such a close knit relationship with a girl that he dated for two years. He told you he wants to remain friends with her because of the good times they shared? what type of good times is he talking about? It makes you wonder what exactly they talk about together, are they about their romantic past and how those were the good days if so where does that leave you? I am going to give you some advice so read this very carefully. Maybe he is unaware of what he is doing and maybe he has no intention of getting back together with her... However you need to sit your bf down and tell him that this makes you very uncomfortable and have him make a choice. don't feel bad about making him chose because in the long run you are realy protecting your self. you dont want to put your whole heart into this guy just to find out a year from now that him and his ex want to try it again. If it is over between the two of them they should just let it be over!! It is possible for people of the opposite sex to be just friends, However 9 out of ten times one catches feelings for the other, You should be his best friend, he should not be reminising his past with his ex that is just wrong. I think when you are in relationship out of respect your friends of opposite sex should be downplayed which means cool it!! it is still ok to be friends of course, but you dont call each other pretty much every day , No only once in a while . Me and my fiance we dont have friends of the opposite sex and if we do we do not talk to them on the telephone out of respect. We are eachothers best friends. and if more relationships were that way I dont think they would end up in as much heartache. It is human nature to have desire it is just when you act on them, so why push temptation? why put your self in situations as such? talk to your bf and put your foot down
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2005): I know what you are going through because the same thing happen to me. I told my boyfriend that if he has to choose who is more important to him. I told him that if he wants to be with me then he has to be with just me and that I wasn't going to deal with him talking to his ex's. If your boyfriend is trying to start a new relationship with you then he can't do it holding on to an old one. Make him decide. If he doesn't want to choose then you need to decide if you want to keep dealing with that. Good Luck1
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