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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 19 years old and I've been in an on off relationship with this boy for 5 years. I love him to bits and I think he loves me too in his own way, but the problem is that after we meet up he doesn't ring or text until he feels like meeting up again. I just want a real relationship but I don't know how to get that across to him its been 5 years and I am feeling a bit fed up with out on-off thing, but I still can't leave him. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): I know how you are feeling...I feel the exact same way...I am very very confused...I only look at the times he may be nice very few and I am blind when it comes to all the other times - majority when its clear how badly he is treating me...I have been with this guy who I love soo sooo much, but I have no idea what I have with him...we only meets when we have sex...he never calls me...not even after i spend the whole night with him...he doesn't even call or text to see if I made it home okay...I wait for days and receive a text asking me to come over...i keep on thinking he might love me too because the time that we spend together in person...i feel like we connect...but we have sex every single time....i want a relationshp not a sex buddy...and when i tell him that he ignores my question...it really hurts...I wish i can give you advice, but I can't...i can only empathize with you....why are men so cruel?????? every time i say i am done...i keep on going back to him....and when i leave him i feel miserable and waiting and depressed...its a never ending
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007): I was in love with that type of guy. I was really hurt. I told him in plain English many times, please can you to call me once a day? Or every other day? Or atleast be free to take my call and make real conversation. You know what? He NEVER got it. So I left him, it ended within a year even tho he pleaded with me often, I didn't think he really loved me. Maybe he tries but is not capable of love. He used to say, ''I will call when I really feel like it'' (Implying that he wouldn't call because he HAD to) But the thing is that he hardly ever felt like it, I struggled for long to understand his different kind of love, but my heart was broken. His confusing ways cost me one year of my life but that was a very painful year.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): i met this guy last year....we spent ALOT of time together...and some time in bed...he chased me for my time....i went with him...then he started to sway...seemed to call when he had nothing else to do..I no longer take his calls and have removed him from my life....
i agree with the other posters..if it's bad now it wil not get any better
go on....find other things to do..other people to meet...we are all human and need companionship...
let's have it with someone who truely values our time and company....
please have a laugh today...for you and ME
cheers
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): hey, yeah.. ive got the same prob, except ive been on and off with this guy since.. i was 14 or something. im not the prettiest thing but people seem to say i am, i cant make another relationship because of him, i feel bad.. geez
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2007): i think you should talk to him let him understand that you feel that he is just using you when no other girl is around and that you want an relationship that makes him stick around a lot but if he disagrees then you should leave him to make that mistake with another girl well there realy is plenty more fish in the sea and maybe one that is right for you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2007): wow! 5 years? How do you do it? Sweetie, i'm sorry to say this, but there is no relationship. If he wanted anything but a hook up, you two would already been dating. It sounds to me like he's just using you when no one else is around. I dont want to sound mean, but he doesnt love you. Love isnt a feeling that can come and go at a drop of a dime. You may love him but in reality if he felt any kind of love towards you he wouldnt be stringing you along. Not for 5 years.I know its hard when you truely care for someone and cant let go, but i think you know theres nothing to hold onto.Is it worth getting into a serious relationship when hes already treating you bad? You should really think about what you really want.Do you want to be with someone who is never there for you, or do you want someone who will be proud to go out with you and call you and treat you fair? The first step is to tell him goodbye. Itll hurt but i think it;ll hurt you more staying with him. good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2007): I know what you are going through. I'm in a simular position. I've been on and off with a guy for 2 years and he only bothers with me when he feels like it. I did tell him i was inlove and he couldnt say it back.It hurts, but you really have to think to yourself,is this worth it? he's out living his life fine without you....so why do you have to sit around and wait for him. The thing is he knows you'll be there,so thats why he knows its okay to call when he feels like it.Go out, meet new people,don't give him the time of day. If he really cared he would make more time for you and not just call when he has nothing going on.Your better then that.you'll meet someone who'll treat you the way you deserve and he'll realize then what he had. good luck!
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A
female
reader, trita4 +, writes (1 August 2006):
hi i think you should give him reall much space and stop thinking about him as you are thinking about him. you are still a young lady who have a chance out there with someone who will love you and be there for you not only when they need you. you have to know that one who adores you will atleast have a minute for you not only when they need you. love is a two way traffic. good luck
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A
female
reader, QueenB75 +, writes (20 October 2005):
I would leave this guy because you are only wasting your time with someone who's only interested in seeing you when he wants something. Don't let a guy play you like that and you need to show him how valuable your time is by not giving him a minute more of your time. Give your time to a man who's going to value and appreciate it and not waste it for his pleasure. If you choose to stay with this guy then you're the one who's going to end up hurt this guy doesnt care one way or another about how he's making you feel. You are too good for this kind of treatment.If this guy wants to act like a candy ass then give him his walking papers and a free membership to the kicked to the curb club because new members are joining everyday. You seem too smart to be dealing with this crap. 5 years was too long and things should have ended 2 years ago. I can tell you now that if you stay with him things won't get any better.
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A
female
reader, not again +, writes (20 October 2005):
You know what? I think you have to leave. It kinda sounds like you know that already, but you're not sure you can do it. Well you can! You're young!! Go play the field a bit and find someone who CAN communicate and who CAN make an effort. When you guys do eevntually break up, you'll look back and you'll be angry at yourself for letting yourself getting treated like that. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but if he cant make an effort then what's the point?
Best of luck. xx
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (19 October 2005):
 Here's the unpleasant truth that nevertheless you may welcome for setting you free: if he does love you, it's not in the way that you want.
What's more, I don't think that after five years, he's going to change. This doesn't make him bad or you unlovable; it just means you two aren't on the same page when it comes to the love thing.
So what do you do? You need to make yourself available for the one who *will* love you the way you love him. You can't leave this guy who calls you up on his schedule because the two of you aren't together. But you can let him go. The next time he calls, you can say, "Thanks, but I don't think so. I'm not into this any more. I'm looking for someone to have a real relationship with. But I've really grown fond of you and I did enjoy our time together."
And if he calls again, you can say the same thing. And again, and again, and again. Because believe it or not, you hold all the power over this situation. You may not be able to change his response, but you can change yours.
Besides, who knows? Maybe at some point, when he sees he has no access to you in the way that he wants, he'll decide to give your way a try.
But you're not doing this for that reason. You are doing this to make yourself available for the right person to come along. Be strong. Persevere. Never settle for ANYTHING LESS than what it is you absolutely want.
As I like to say, it may not be easy, but it is very, very simple.
Good luck.
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