A
male
age
36-40,
*sanders
writes:Alrighty guys and gals,I have a little bit of a problem.For the past year or more now I've had feelings for my best friend's wife.Now before you tell me it's wrong and to let it go, I know, I tried, and thought I was over it......well the feelings came rushing back.Now I do Not know for sure if she feelings for me,but there has been a few times she might have been hinting at having feelings...but you never know.I have no plans on doing anything about it, seeing as her husband and I have been friends since 3rd grade(I'm 23.5 now) and they also have 2 daughters together, so I really don't plan to be one of those people.A little bit of backstory-They are currently renting a house from my father, where I happen live as well as I have my project car and workshop out there, so I see her pretty much every day.I have held a great respect for my friend for many years and never thought of betraying him, but he's hasn't been completely faithful, is lazy with house work and either she will or I will clean and take out trash, all the while he's usually asleep or watching TV on the couch. But he can be a good father(at times).Of course him and I having been friends since before they even met, me and his wife are good friends as well, so naturally we talk and every so often play card/board/Wii games and she has talked to me and asked me about if she has done anything wrong or if he has said anything to me.She also has mention a few times she pretty much has to force him for attention in the bed room,which being room mates, it happens far and few between.(thin walls...)I know I need to let my feelings for her go,but I know and see it in her eyes that she is hurting.I have been there far to many times to see her hiding thw fact that she has been crying, and i'm tired of seeing her this way, but her husband and I have been through alot over the years and don't want turn my back on that either.Should I just keep this to myself and just be friends, but be there for her when and if their marriage falls apart or what?Thanks for reading and for any helpful answers in advance!
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best friend, friend's wife, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, jsanders +, writes (16 May 2011):
jsanders is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for the advice. I knew before I asked that I should just leave it be and go about life, I just needed to get it out there to realize that.Oh and thanks for listening everyone!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Don't even go there.
Talk to your friend. Tell him to grow a set and help out around the house.
Also, if you talk to her a lot, suggest that SHE sit her DH down and talk to him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2011): leave your friends wife alone! and NO do not wait for your friends marriage to fall apart.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Stay friends and encourage her to talk to him about their marital issues. Be the best friend you can be, that's all you can and should do. It is good to see you are being a loyal friend to both of them. Don't act on what romantic feelings you might have and don't let them cloud your judgement of how things are.
IF their marriage falls apart, you cannot immediately see it as an opportunity. If it ends because either of them are at fault, you have to respect what they once were and respect your friendship with them. IF she expresses any sort of feelings toward you, then by all means, let your heart feel what it feels and let her know. But that is a big IF right now, you cannot assume the worst.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 May 2011):
 It's wrong, let it go.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (16 May 2011):
been there my friend and it is such a rocky painfull way to pass so avoid it,
my advise to you would be so simple ,
tell you friend's wife to help to find a girlfriend from her group of friends
and concentrate on your new GF
this way
you can uphold your friendship with your friends wife in a very clean and nice way
and when having a gf you well get over your thoughts over your friend's wife and your families well be friends
Good Luck
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