A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and my friend have been best friends since last year, we are like sisters or so i thought. it all started like 3 weeks ago wen she got a bf. i kno that they need time and blah blah. we used to talk everyday on the phone(most of the time i was the 1 calling her. not no more) after she got her bf, i felt as she didnt want me anymore, at lunch we used 2 be laughing ect. bt now its only them 2. i've talked to her bout bt it seems as she doesnt get, i think i've tried everything (talking to her, ignoring it, trying to make it as it was b4) bt it seems nothing works. should i jst stop trying or what please help! by the way she says that the reason why she's acting that way is cuz i left her 4 my other friend(i left her after she started acting all awkard). she also told me that she might stop talking to me cuz she needs time 4 her, bt 4 me it seems that she prefers her bf more than me. i don't wanna throw everything away, so please help!!!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, Neera  +, writes (23 September 2008):
This is very normal. All girls go through this phase, I felt the same when my best friend got a BF. Look at it from her point of view - she is in love.
Please don't mind that I am saying this - this might be bitter pill to swallow, but obviously, she prefers his company to yours! The same will happen to you when you get a BF. A new couple normally spend all their time together and don't care much about anyone else, that's how it works.
No need to beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault, and seriously, not hers either. Don't talk to her about it. She will only try to defend herself, or say that you are imagining things.
When you meet her, behave normally. Just because you don't spend too much time together, doesn't mean you should stop caring about her. I would say don't call her too often - I can picture the scene, she will rush to the phone thinking it's the BF, and be disppointed that it's you. So you might think she's unenthusiastic and rather not talk.
From your post it looks like you don't have any other friends you can talk to. Always have a group of friends. It's never a good idea to just stick to one person and ignore others.
I know, at your age, it can seem very important, but it's not. This is the perfect time to make new friends, join a hobby class, read nice books, or do something that makes you happy.
Bond with your family. Get a surprise gift for your sibling/parents. Or just cook something the whole family enjoys. Friends are important, but they are not everything. And besides, they will always move away/grow apart. Your family will always be there for you - so plant the seeds of love there :)
A
female
reader, J_M  +, writes (23 September 2008):
 hi,
if ive got this right, b4 the Mr came along u and ur friend were really close? well maybe its just a stage shes going through as she grows up. think of it this way. do u think she will love this guy 4ever? maybe for a few months, but at the age it says u r (and me as it happens)love is a word used to offten. when she leaves him or he leaves her, u will be the one there moopin up her tears and eating chocolate makin vodoo dools of him. ( i dont recomend it but a freind of mine says its a gr8 cure! lol) give her a while to be with her B/F and if it doesnt work out, be there for her. if it turns into something permenent, then move on. she cant be so gr8 if shes puttin her man b4 her m8s.
hope this helps
J_M
x
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2008): I know people will say try to make friends with her - you can do that.. But do not go running after her friendship anymore.. think about ..the term friendship does not mean "chasing after somebody for their friendship"- you are worth more than that and she should be texting you saying even though she has boyfriend she misses you and wants to hang out. You deserve to be treated better than that as such a good friend to her- she sounds a bit jealous of this other girl and is spending more time with this boyfriend to get back at you. she isn't worth any more of your time and energy.....let her go- Best friends do not let guys come in the way of the friendship. Sometimes its better to let people go..she will soon come running back to you when she sees sense/if they break up :) x
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A
female
reader, LaydeeLove..x +, writes (23 September 2008):
its not the case that she prefers him more than you of course she is still your mate but she loves you and him in diffrent ways maybe you should ask her if you can hang out with them one day and see how it goes from there x
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A
female
reader, abbeymom  +, writes (23 September 2008):
 Oh boy! I've been there done that. All I can say is that after being friends with my best friend now over twenty years every since we were thirteen. Life changes people. As we grow and mature and meet people and find new loves, sometimes we can grow apart.
My BF and I have had arguments, fights, periods where we didn't talk etc... but we always ended up talking after and coming back to each other.
You've been honest with you friend. All you can do is either respect she needs space and support her new relationship or move on and hope you can work things out later.
As much as people don't want to admit it, many call it kissing ass, or giving in, blah blah. Where my friends are concerned I'd rather apologize and find peace in myself then stay angry over something stupid because it's not worth throwing away a friendship when you love that person and want them in your life.
I hope you can find some answers and some help and that your friend comes around to make time for you and her BF. The beginning of a relationship is always exciting, but eventually the novelty wears off and people settle down. So hang in there.
~ Abbeymom
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