A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been best friends with this girl for 4 years. And in love with her for at least 3 of those years. She has been in a relationship since not long before I met her and has recently gotten engaged. We go out together to lunch, run errands, and spend copious amounts of time together on a regular basis and always have a great time and can talk for hours about anything. I've always felt that our relationship is more than just friendship and have had opportunities to express these feeling but never did out of respect for her and her boyfriend now fiance. When we do hang out, she says things that I don't know how to respond to, mostly because of my feelings probably. One example being that in the next couple months I will be moving to the other side of the state from her and she says stuff like 'what am i going to do after fall when you leave me for good?' and 'how am I going to survive without you once you leave?' Another example being about a week ago we were discussing how funny it is how people always assume we're dating because various people see us on a regular basis hanging out, and then she said 'you know, if I wasn't engaged, we would make the perfect couple'.Do I tell her how I feel? The wedding isn't for another 8 months and a friend of mine told me it's never to late and she's not married yet. I know there is a chance I may lose a good friend but I don't want to think what if, especially if the feelings are mutual. what to do? Anyone ever been in this situation? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): If I was engaged to a man I loved, I probably wouldn't want a best friend to say he loved me. I mean I would never give up an egnagement to the man I love for a friend who finally got the balls to say he loved me after 3 years...a bird in hand is worth more than two in the bush.
If she left the finacee, she would be taking a ganble. She hastoo much to loose and its not like you are saying, I love you...marry me instead.
Its not worth it, don't do this to her. Be happy for her and move on. Its not meant to be. Unless you have some insight that she is either hopelessly in love with you or NOT in love with the man she's marrying. But I can't imagine accpeting a proposal from a man I am not in love with. Best of luck to you
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Watch "Brown Sugar" . It's a great movie and it will help you
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Normally I would say that you should leave it alone because she is engaged, and part of me still needs to say this - she has agreed to spend the rest of her life with this man, she has decided he is "the one" and loves him enough to stay with him until the day she dies. Getting engaged is not a light-hearted decision, she has agreed to marry him and make those vows to him.
But then again you are moving away, and have loved her for 3 years and I sense that if you dont tell her you will regret this for a long long time. So if you really feel that she might have some feelings for you, and that you wont be able to live with yourself if you let her get married without knowing how you feel - then tell her. To be honest I think she wont feel the same because agreeing to marry him means he is the "one" so she obviously is very happy and in love, therefore the chances of her even thinking of you in a romantic sense are slim.
But I know how it feels to never tell someone how you feel, and it eats you up inside. So if you feel it is worth the risk of losing the friendship (because that WILL happen, it will never be the same again) then go for it. But you have to weigh up what is more important - the friendship or living without regrets. Can you even keep her as a friend when she is married knowing you can never be with the woman you love? I guess it might be a good thing if the friendship cools off because then you can finally move on, if you stay as close as you are now then you will never stop loving her and will never be happy.
So it is entirely up to you - if you feel the benefits outweigh the risks then go for it, and it might at least help you to move on. But be prepared to lose her as a friend and be rejected - your chances dont look particularly good I'm afraid!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, amyxavier +, writes (27 October 2010):
tell her tell her tell her we only get one life if she is such a good friend and the feelings arent mutual she will understand why you had to tell her ,dont go in head first try to tell her gently like maybe saying you know i really value our freindship but i need to tell u something and if u dont feel the same i dont want any thing to change because i dont want to lose you as a friend but now that you r getting married ineed to know if there awas ever a chasnce that we could of dated because i really really like you dont tell her you love her because if she doesnt feel the same way she might not be able to handle that she sounds like a very close freind and im sure by asking her in this manner she would not be offended if she says no we r just good freinds then u need to let her get on with her life but im sure she will be ok with you just asking her tell her you are only interestd in her happiness but you needed to know in case there was a chance and then she got married and it would be too late good luck freind x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Hey there!There is a reason why she kept you as a friend all those years and good for you. Thats great youve known her and are close. I think she kept you as a best friend and never pursued you on another level in part because maybe she didnt feel it made sense because she knew her fiance before you. I can tell your emotions are high and I wouldnt let that drive your decision to tell her because like you said yourself, you could risk losing a friend, and because of that risk...id play it safe and just wish her the best. Best friends always do that and there's nothing wrong with it. Youve shown great support and have been a good guy. Continue to be who you are in that way and youll find a gem. Good luck pal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2010): Tell her. Or it will haunt you for the rest of your life. She obviously sees you as a close friend, heck even a best friend. But because of that, chances are she doesn't have sexual feeling towards you.
Now that said, I think you should still tell her. Tell her how you developed feelings for her through all the time you two have spent together and even though she is engaged, you just want her to know that you will always be there for her.
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