A
female
age
36-40,
*ishdish
writes:Hi guys,I am in a long distance relationship, with my bf in afghanistan in the military; i'm nervous that when he gets back he's going to propose to me and i'm not ready. while i feel strongly about him, his coming back will signal our first time together living in the same place for longer than a month (he's about to get out of the military, he has 2 months left in hist term after he returns to the u.s.) -we are planning on going to school together and i am so excited to be with him, to live with him and grow with him and have a life our own, not dictated by the military; i feel like i want time to grow into ourselves as a couple. that one month we had together we grew as a couple more than we have all 4 years of being together and i loved it, but i want more of that time physically together, since the vast majority of this relationship we've been apart. if that first year goes well i could see marrying him, but over the deployment he's said he's felt stronger about me while i've felt so separated from him. This is all a roundabout way to say, do you think i should warn him i'm not ready to marry him yet, or am i jumping the gun too much and worrying about something that isn't even happening? if i should say something, how can i do this tactfully?
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long distance, military Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I am glad it all worked out. And you wish you all the best in the future you make with each other.
Jeff
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 May 2010):
 I have to say I'm so happy he's back in one piece and tell him thanks from us here for his service and sacrifices for our country. We appreciate it. And him. Good for you two, congratulations and I hope it all works out beautifully! I love a good love story.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 May 2010):
fishdish is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey I have an update,
My bf came back about a month ago, and in person we talked about what pace to take things, and he said it first that he wouldn't want to get engaged til we were far into school (which we're going to start in fall), so at least 2 or 3 years from now, which is good with me, and told him so. Glad we're on the same page! Thanks for the help!
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 January 2010):
fishdish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much, guys!
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A
male
reader, Honest Answer +, writes (16 January 2010):
First of all, I applaud you for not just saying "yes" if you don't mean it. I do think you are jumping the gun a bit, since you don't really know that he is actually going to ask you yet.
If you do get to that bridge, tell him that you will not accept his ring yet. You would like time to grow together before making such a decision. Tell him you want to do this right, and if that means time, then so be it.
If he really loves you, he will respect your decision.
Good Luck!
Jeff (BTW, I am a Soldier)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2010):
There is only one way to tell him, and that's just to be honest and say you're not ready. Tell him exactly what you have written here. That you would prefer to grow into a couple together, really get to know each other and such before you marry, because you spent so much time apart. I'm not saying he won't be hurt, but hopefully if he's a good guy he will understand. Just be honest, and tell him what you've written here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Hello. Dont panic. Things will be fine. This is a huge thing for you both, now hes leaving the military. Thats been his home and ma and pa for a long time. Hes trying to cement things with you by talking so seriously about the two of you, because you are his future. Just jump in there with both feet as soon as you see him and say if things are still this great in a year, can we get engaged!! That beats him to any uncomfortable proposals ect and gives you a year to think about things.
As a side note. When guys leave the armed services it can take them awhile to settle into civilian life again. Be mindful of that and congrats on his safe return! All the best x
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