A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my bf for 3-4 years, almost entirely long distance. It's so dumb to worry about but it's really getting under my skin recently how quickly we sexually progressed, especially after reading things on here like "if he's worth it/ if he's a gentleman he'll be patient and understanding til you're ready". My guy and i went on a trip our first 'date' (it was a weeklong trip) and there was a lot of pressure from him, like "if we don't do anything sexual now, i don't see how this will progress into anything but a friendship" and that in practically all adult relationships people give it away on the third-ish date. what was i going to do for a week like this? i didn't want to lose him so i went way fast. i hadn't even seen a penis before (although he hadn't known that and made some assumptions that i wasn't a virgin, like that should determine my speed in this relationship anyway). i mean, i wish i had found this site and stuck up for my values. i felt like i was going to lose him and really liked him and you know, at this point we have a fine sexual relationship and i'm happy with it there's mutual enjoyment, etc. but i just feel retroactive unease at the way that this went down because he usually treats me well. i don't know what i want you all to do about it, i just want some...consolation..he's generally a good guy i think he was just young and impatient (and a 21 yr old virgin?) i don't know. i brought it up once said something like if i could do it again i would have waited longer and gone slower and he was all offended. i know he sounds sleazy but this is seriously like the one thing i feel uncomfortably about him, he treats me well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank-you for the responses, i feel relieved that i didn't get any 'and WHY are you still with him' kind of things. thanks for making me feel better:)
A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 Look, maybe he was looking for some quick sex, but maybe he actually truly fell for you. He didn't use you and discard you did he?
3 years must have some substance behind it right?
Yes, it kinda sucks how it eventuated initially, Yeah it was arseholish to pressure a first timer, but perhaps he did not know you were going to become so special to him.
This far in, you obviosuly are. So maybe he is a changed man - and all because of you :-)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 January 2010):
He sounds like a better guy that most actually. Let's be fair, you say everything else is going well and he does care for you. If it had just been about sex, he would have had sex with you and moved on. I don't think you need to worry at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Hello. I dont think you should feel too badly about it. When most people ask about when to do the `deed` its because they dont feel ready or comfortable. And thats probably why they are told to wait and if hes a gentleman ect he will understand. You were maybe a little naive to think you could go away with a lad for a week and the sex question wouldnt come up. But he did give you a choice. No sex and not progress beyond friends or have sex and a full relationship. You chose the latter and it sounds as if things have worked out well. So dont worry about it too much just enjoy your relationship x
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