A
female
age
30-35,
*pple2apple
writes: My boyfriend just recently moved in with me dec 3rd. We have been together for over a year, we are both 20 years old and experiencing sexual problems. We have been sexual for about 4 months now and at first I just thought since he was a virgin he would not be very experienced but it isnt improving. I'm not affraid to speak up in bed with him and I even try to talk it out with him out of bed but it doesnt seem to make any difference. I dont want to say anyting to bold to hurt his ego because I understand that it could make the situation worse. He doesnt want to try new positions with me. Hes really limited to just him on top. He says that he wants to get good at one position before he trys other things but its been a while now and I need more than one position. for example I really want him to do doggy style with me. He has tried it a few times but he cant get it to work (he cant keep an erection and cant keep it inside me). He gets upset and he gets up, gets dressed, and leaves me there to feel bad and sexually fustrated.Ive tried many thing to get him back up and into it again. ive tried oral, getting on top, using my hand but it doesnt seem to work. In some ways it is disapointing because he just gets upset so fast and doesnt try very often. I sometimes feel like hes not sexually attracted to me but he reasures me that he is and that its not the problem. Ive even asked what he thinks about to see if his mind is into it, I try to relax him if he seems stressed. Its just getting really hard for me to be understanding now. I'm a very sexual person and I dont think hes into it as much as I am. Its just all about him now and what I can do to make sex work for him that its become a job and i'm not enjoying it at all. How can I get it to work? Hes only 20 I dont think he could have medical problem. I have thought about ending the relationship. I dont want to because I love him but im not feeling satisfied. It seems kind of bad for me to think about leaving him because of the sex but its really fustrating me. I try pleasuring myself but its not enough anymore.
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 January 2010):
 All I can say is that it is very unusual for a 20-year-old man to have such trouble getting "up" for his girl unless he is either disinterested, mentally imbalanced, gay or numb in the head.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): Hi. 4 months isnt long enough to become a good lover. If he was a virgin and had no experience then its up to you to go slow, give him lots of compliments and make him feel like THE MAN! Its all about ego. If he feels hes doing it all wrong and not satifying you it will make it difficult for him to perform and turn him off. So chill out and be a little patient with him. Some things take a while to get right but with practise and lots of praise, he will start to relax and enjoy making love with you x
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A
female
reader, veronika  +, writes (16 January 2010):
 I think he's just not very confident with sex because he's sexually inexperienced. Perhaps he's also self conscious about his body and his sexual ability? Talk with him, ask him what turns him on and talk about what turns you on, exchange sexual fantasies... just talk about sex with him. See that you're both on the same page.
I don't think it's about him not being in to sex as much... I think it may all be in his mind and he just can't be comfortable with himself so his sexual performance is suffering. Usually people with low self confidence aren't the most confident people in the bedroom.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2010): First off, just let me say that I would love to have a sexually interested woman with me. If anything she would be the one pushing me away. I think that your boyfriend might be gay and in denile. No one wants to think that about someone they've fallen in love with, but...what do you do? The decision is yours. Ask, and find out the truth, or don't ask, stay, and live miserably.
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