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female
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anonymous
writes:My bf and his friends (who are in their mid 20's) make jokes really sexist jokes. They also find it funny and entertaining talking about women being bashed up and abused by their bf's as well as women being raped and sexually assaulted.How can they think topics like that are funny?I find their comments and jokes and attitudes towards those topics not only offensive, but heartbreaking that someone could talk about such horrible things like as if they dont matter. In my opinion it is not a laughing matter. How is it funny?There attitudes towards the treatment of women makes me wonder, is it all just a joke, or is there more to it? Do they treat their gfs like this and will my bf treat me badly? We havent been together long, so I know that he could just be putting on an act still. This scares me. I hear the way some of my bf's friends treat their gf's and its not very good. One of them, who is married, goes out drinking with his friends every weekend and leaves his wife and children home. But here is the really bad part. One night he had a fight with his wife and then decided to go out clubbing with my bf and his mates (I was there too). When he came to the club that we were at he was bragging about how his wife was asleep and how she had no idea where he was going. He then went on to tell and physically show us an example of what he did to her while she was sleeping. And what he did was phsyically raise his hand at her and pretended to punch and beat her. I dont know if he meant to imply that he did that, or just pretended to? Its a bit confusing...either way...how is that funny? My bf and his friends thinks this behaviour is ok and acceptable. But I am disgusted. Another time, my bf and his friends were talking about Chris Brown and as some of you may know, he bashed up his celebrity gf. They were praising him and saying how cool he is. And saying "ohh im gona chris brown this girl". I get told them I am jsut too uptight and need to stop being 'such a goody goody Christian'. Am I in the wrong to be upset by what they do? And should I be worried about how my bf may treat me in the future?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): I'm gonna chris brown her.. lol priceless
When I opened this question I thought you meant that they were saying that women can't drive and stuff like that.
Yeah maybe you should ditch him though. sounds like a real chump
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Nothing wrong with being a Christian, or a non Christian; If you are a Christian, though, why aren't you dating a guy with Christian values? There are plenty of nice, wonderful decent guys who are Christian, Jewish, Hindu or even completely non-religious as well who would accept you as you are and not put down your values. How important is your faith to you? I imagine it's really important. When you're with a guy who denigrates your beliefs, how will that affect your faith?
Find someone who accepts you as you are and respects your feelings. You deserve better than this pig.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 I agree with the aunts and uncles, the writing's on the wall here, Babe. If you ignore it you'll regret it. Lose the loser.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 November 2009):
 And you love this man because....?????
Try to articulate what it is that attracted you to this man in the first place. Have these people always been his friends? Who a man chooses to hang out with tells you a lot about what he values (or doesn't) and what his personal moral/ethical code is.
How long have you been dating him and what are his positive AND negative attributes?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): if he finds it funny then he thinks its ok, if he thinks its ok, then nothing will stop him from doing such thing... a man like that needs to be kept away from women...you havent been long with him, no fights no arguments everything lovely and sweet, but as in any relation you gona have problems and fights and a man like that you cant risk it...
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Yeah I think you should. A common reason for abuse is that the person feels very insecure about the role in the world and so they separate the world into two. Those they suck up to, and those they kick down on. Guess were women are in these guys world.
Now, you MIGHT right now be on the suck up part, they typically know how to pretend to be nice, as long as they WANT something but the moment they spot a weakness, BAM.
You got a clear example with how this one guy treats his wife. Call it a vision of the future.
And remember this, if they talk about this one woman like this, how do they talk about you when you are not around. Is your BF shadowboxing with you as a target?
Finally, most women who are in abusive relations had PLENTY of warnings like these. They ignored the warnings for the sake of hormones. The wife of that guy ignored the warnings and you know what the results are.
So, what are you going to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): I'm sorry that you know these guys, really. They should be put on an island without women to victimize and I really feel sorry for the women they end up with! Try taking a class at your local college and stay out of the bars these guys hang out at (or you will meet and fall for another looser like him). The college is where many women meet their husbands, and it is a much better place to find respectable men. The decision you make know, will shape your entire future. Love yourself enough to make the best possible choices for you and you will have a happy life. Make bad choices and you will be just like those wives that you were speaking of...your boyfriend IS one of THOSE men.
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female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 Run....like the wind!
The very fact that you know that this sort of behaviour is immoral and disgusting tells you that you know you should leave this guy now before you invest any more of yourself in this relationship.
It's not 'being goody goody' too respect people and not want to hurt them 'for a laugh', it's them who are the minority (thank god) not you. They sound like sociopaths really. If your boyfriend finds the behaviour of his friends 'acceptable' then it's highly likely that he will treat you badly at some point.
You are too good (and deserve someone way better) that this guy. Get out now.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 November 2009):
They sound like complete losers. Generally there is some male banter about sexism wherever you go. But these guys sound pretty awful really. The man has a wife and in front of you he's actually showing how she sleeps and does other things? They're joking about rape and violence towards women? and top top it off they tell you to stop being a goody goody Christian?
All I can say is that there are quite a few better guys out there, and I would think you'd be better off for finding one of those instead.
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