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female
age
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*ry for help
writes:Dear Cupid:i was with a man for 9 years: he was my night in shining armour. He was married for 24 years prior to meeting me. His first wife left him because he brought her to financial bankruptcy. He told me it was not his fault for loosing their houses and everything, it was mostly she was a gold digger, and just gave up on him when he lost all his jobs, and finally his business. When I met him he gave me everything ,jewelry,gifts of any kind, took me anywhere I wanted to go. I was financially ok, but I left my 1st husband after 30 years because he didn't ever want to save for retirement , and we fell out of love. When my 2nd husband came into my life he lied about everything financially. He lost our home, and never held a job for along time,. He didn't have a girlfriend on side either, he didn't have gambling or any other drug addiction. He told me he never could tell me how we were financially because I worried too much. I'm 55 years old and trying to start over without him. The problem is since I've found out he forged our income tax refunds last year, he forged my name On the state and federal tax refund, and deposited into his own account. Should I tell him now I know about the forging? I already have the IRS looking into it. I have to start over now. I left him in January of 09 and he said he didn't tell me anythi g about finances because I was to fragile? I've been so depressed I've wanted to die! He said he loved me so much he didn't want to worry me! Please help ?Cry for help
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): I am going through the same thing, my ex forged my name on a state return and an IRS return, but they wont pursue legal action against him, this was years ago and i had to hire another attorney after i paid for the divorce four years later to avoid the state being able to garnish my wages. The most recent thing two weeks ago is he must have done something again because a credit corporation called me and asked me if he lived with me. It has been 29 years since i divorced him, i got stuck with all of the bills etc., but i want this to end, so far i have not seen much help, but dont give up, find a very good divorce attorney and see what you can do to block him from doing this to you forever, thats what i am doing. If he has any other ex-wives, see if they will help you, that is what i am doing
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reader, AngellicaWaters +, writes (21 August 2009):
 kc100 said it all. This is great advice and is very close to the advice I would give you too. Be strong and work on building upon your own success. :-)
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reader, k_c100  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 Men often control women by using money because typically they assume we no nothing about financial matters therefore it should be there role to look after the finances for the two of you. It seems like your ex-husband is very good at controlling women that way - he did it to his first wife and now he has done the same with you.
He clearly has serious problems with money and he has no idea how to control his spending, hence why he keeps losing houses. As for his jobs - if a man cannot hold down a job then that is a sure sign there is some mental instability there!
I dont think telling him about the forgery will achieve something - you said you have the IRS looking into it so he will find out sooner or later anyway.
What you need to do is focus on getting your life back on track. What has happened to you is awful and I am so sorry for that, but now what you need to do is pick yourself up and move on. If men assume you are fragile and cannot handle serious matters like finances then clearly you are giving off these signals - it is time you become a stronger person and more independent so if you do meet another man somewhere along the line, you will never be taken advantage of again.
If you dont already have a job then go out and find a job, maybe take a part-time course or study in the evenings so you learn new skills that can help you progress in your career. You are never too old to start again - you need to put all of your energy into making your life better. So having a good job with progression opportunities is important; this will give you are decent salary every month so you can become financially independent.
Go out and try new things - take up new hobbies or activities you havent done for years. You will make new friends and feel reinvigorated when you are doing something you enjoy. Volunteer with a charity you feel passionate about....there are so many things you can do to get out and about so you can meet new people and start enjoying your life again.
I get the feeling there has always been a man in your life and you rely quite heavily on men to look after you - this is the time to start taking care of yourself! At the end if the day we are born alone and we die alone, we are responsible for our own lives and only we have the power to make ourselves happy. Other people come and go from our lives, but it is ourselves that we have to put up with day in day out. So you need to learn to love yourself, to be happy alone and to do what makes you happy. You have the power to get your life back on track but it will take time and many lonely nights. Spending this time alone will do you the world of good; you will realise that you dont need a man in your life to make you happy!
A man should be an added bonus, someone who comes along when you are least expecting it and makes your life that little bit better. You have to be happy as a single woman, happy with yourself as a person and happy with your own life before you can think about another relationship. Because if you fall into the arms of the next man that comes along too soon, you will end up being used again like your ex husband did to you. Whereas a confident, happy and strong woman very rarely gets used, men are attracted to confidence and respect a woman who can take care of herself.
There's no other way of saying this - your ex husband is a jerk, a complete and utter terrible excuse for a man. I'm sure he will find another poor unsuspecting woman to use and mistreat just as he did with you.
But it is now your choice what to do with your life - you can either wallow in self pity and wonder why he treated you like this, or you can say "I'm not going to be the victim" and move on with your life. If you let him make you depressed then he wins, whereas if you start again, make changes in your life and start doing things that make you happy, then you will prove him wrong and you will show him that you are not some fragile, needy and insecure little woman. Instead you will become a strong, confident woman who has everything going for you. You will be a catch to any man that comes along, whereas he will be just some jerk who is being investigated for fraud!
You can come out of this the better person but you just need to pick yourself up and get on with your life. You will be happy again oneday I promise, live every day like it is your last and enjoy what time we have. We all make mistakes - unfortunately this man was a 9 year mistake but that is the past now so learn from you mistakes and move on.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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