A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My 13 year old son is looking at porn, he doesn't know I know but should I talk to him?What should I do?
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female
reader, timetobefree  +, writes (29 September 2007):
I am a mother of 3 boys and I have experienced THIS with first hand with my oldest when he was younger. And yes, I confronted him. But I did NOT attack him. I also assured him that I realized that he may be embarrassed to discuss it with me. I was honest with him about sex. I did NOT SHAME him, but armed him with knowledge of the good feelings, and the pitfalls of porn. I reminded him that it will get him aroused but that it is NOT SEX. And that real sex was not like these images and REAL GIRLS/WOMEN were not these sex objects that were being displayed.
I am APPALLED and FRIGHTENED by how many moms and women have said that it should not be discussed because the CHILD might be embarrassed. It is important that we NOT STOP parenting because our child "might be embarrassed." I suspect this has more to do with the fear, embarrassement on the parent's part.
I too grew up in a generation that did NOT talk about sex with their children; everyone just pretended that their kids were "good" kids and not having sex. Boy were they surprised when their daughters were becoming pregnant. If kids can't come to their parents about things, including sex, who can they go to? Friends, who are as equally clueless? The internet that tells them that it OK to c*m on their girlfriend's face?
It is a parent's job to teach a child respect for themselves and others, and to discuss sex, drugs, etc. with them (regardless of how embarrassed either of them feels about it).
My oldest is Now 16, and guess what???He comes up to me and brings up stuff that, BEFORE I confronted him about the porn stuff, would have been hidden from.
IT is also Important for your children to know that you know what is happening in their life and that as their parent you care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Excuse my error, change the following:"if you do jot want him looking at pornography...tell him that" to "if you do NOT want him looking at pornography...tell him that"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): Good lord Mom, of course you talk to him. You are still his parent and he needs your love and guidance more than anything in the teen years. So many parents give up at this time and this is the time a parent has to be even more vigilant and help their kids. This is not an issue of whether it's normal, or whether you will embarrass him. This is a question of parenting him properly and guiding him. He's at a critical time in his life and he's definitely interested in sex. Don't ignore this crucial time, to be a positive, mature influence on him on his developement and his worldview on human sexuality. Your boy may not want to admit it but he depends on his parents to set boundaries and to always act in his best interest. Have a calm, open discussion about this issue. Let your son know that you feel that sex and sharing his body in an intimate way with a female, should be based on trust and caring in a relationship. He needs to learn how to 'respect and honor' a female and not treat a potential future female, like a sperm depository for his own self-gratification. Having a healthy outlook on his sexuality will allow him to have a more enriched life, when he does want to date girls. Sexual curiosity is normal for teens. Seek to understand the motivation for your son's behavior and use this event as an opportunity to create discussions, rather than avoid them. Get on the badwagon here and communicate. If you do jot want him looking at pornography...tell him that. Share your concerns. Be prepared to take action to help prevent illegal and inappropriate viewing. Block the porn sites coming into your house if you have to. But pleeease...communicate and keep the channels of communication open. In the far run, you'll have a much more happier, well-grounded teenager who is learning about values and respect for others, especially females.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 September 2007):
 Your son's going through a growing stage. I did the same when I was that young, but we didn't watch porn. We thought it was cool to stock up on dirty magazines. I'm now 36, and just recently ran into my stash at my parents home which mom took. I knew she did, but I wasn't going to ask her where my magazines went. I would talk to him, but do it in a way of understanding. Let him know, it's OK to have sexual enjoyment, but also let him know that it can be unhealthy too.
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A
female
reader, AylaJ +, writes (8 September 2007):
No and leave him alone. You'll embarass the shit out of him. The only time you talk to him is if he gets a virus on the computer from it. Other than that let him explore his sexuality in peace.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (7 September 2007):
 Hi
My son is 12 and i would have no problem with him looking at porn. They are going through puberty and its a natural curiosity. No. I wouldnt confront him. Let him grow up naturally. It will benefit him positively in his future relationships if he doesnt have any hang ups from what hes been told as a young teen, believe me.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2007): You can block such websites from his computer. I wouldn't talk to him as he will be extremely embarassed & this is normal activity for a 13 y/o boy.
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A
female
reader, sharonbury +, writes (7 September 2007):
being a mum to 3 sons on of whitch is now 16 i can understand your concerns about this subject ,he is going through several changes at the moment,he will proberly find the porn he is seeing really exciting and he will get bored of it eventially ,and move on to other things that teenage boys get up to ,trust me he is going through a faze ,talking to him about this subject may embarass him ,just moneter the situation from a far thats probley the best solution .
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