A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 12 year old stepdaughter has a myspace and she gave me the password so I can put pictures on it for her. I have been reading her mail and for the second time I have found emails between her and a friend (that stays all night at her house sometimes) talking about being ready to sex each other, about being horny and getting in the mood for oral sex. What do I do? If I confront her I'm afraid she'll change her password and our relationship will be ruined. If I tell her mom, I would definately lose her trust, my husband knows about the 1st email and said I should just let her know I'm here if she wants to talk about anything. Also we live 1,200 miles away from her. Any suggestions?
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horny, in the mood, myspace, oral sex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (12 August 2007):
 You're welcome :)
xxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI truely appreciate all of your answers, thanks everyone!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): first of all you shouldn't be reading her mail but yes you should be concerned, just tell her your there if she needs to talk and tell her that you were young once, if she fals out with you whats the worst that can happen after awhile she may want your advice and come running. don't be to hard on her and if she wants 2 talk listen............Just listenn x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): You've had quite a range of advice here and I would agree more with the previous two, nwifeblues and the anonymous answer.
However, you live 1200 miles from this child, so you can not be there for her and be a proper parental figure to her.
You need to tell what you know to whatever parent she trusts and is most close to because she needs an adult she can go to and talk to about the many questions regarding sex that she will have - someone in real life, not over the Internet or telephone.
She also needs to know how to protect herself and what choices are too risks with regards to sexual health and pregnancy, and these things you will not be able to effectively do at such a long distance away.
I think it would be quite negligent of you to not pass on this information on to one of her parents who live with her. She is a child who is not even legally old enough to consent to sex yet and it is up to you, as an adult, to make sure she is safe and protected.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2007): Replier "nwifeblues" is right.You are already doing the right thing. You are being a great dad by caring for a child who isn't biologically yours. You'd be surprised how many dads step out in times like these because they're not "his" kids.Alert you daughter's "partner's" parents of the situation.This will alleviate some stress on your end in dealing with both sides.Next, try to get a trustworthy female friend of your daughter to say all the things that "nwifeblues" suggests you say. Hearing it from a respected peer may make the conversation less uncomftorable for her and more meaningful. If there is no female in the situation to talk with your daughter, then it is entirely in your hands.Be gentle, explain how you understand how she feels (even if you don't really). But how it is best to wait, how she doesn't understand it all yet.If she doesn't seem to be taking it well, try to scare her. Explain what is probably going through the boy's mind (here you may be as demeaning and "non-traumatizingly" vulgar as necessary). Remind her that anything he knows is propably from porn, and that he will attempt sick things. Only do this as a last resort.Good Luck
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A
female
reader, nwifeblues +, writes (29 June 2007):
Being 12 yrs old and wondering about sex is not a uncommon thing...Its a part of growing up and well that fact that your the stepmom and your 12 yr old stepdaughter trust you with private passwords speaks highly on the trust fact. You have to be doing something right. The best thing to do is to talk to her about sex, but keep it kinda random. just because your not the bio parent doesn't me you can't step in. she most likely has a million and five questions but is having a hard time adjusting to whats going on in her brain. My stepmom was all I had at that age, and she just started talking to me about sex one day so when it came time that I was ready- which was way way later (I was almost 19/20) I felt so comfortable I did the right thing and went to her first. best of luck!!
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (29 June 2007):
I agree with the girls dad. This isn't something I don't think you can just ignore and do nothing but something that has to be handled delicately. If she knows you are there in a non judgemental, friendly kind of way she way come to you about any issues she may have.
xxxxxxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): I don't think that making your step daughter a bit angry at you for confronting her her use of MySpace to hook up for sex and talking about giving some friend a blow job is worth the price of having your daughter go down a path that is not going to benefit her in any way and will most likely do harm to her young life....If you are not aware that this is a growing problem in the US, then you need to do your homework....kids her age are having parties at home where everyone gets naked and gets a blow job, the girls do it because they think it gives them power over boys and it is a badge of honor....we have Bill Clinton and I did not have sex with that woman to thank for starting this trend....I can go on and on the reasons why a 12 year old having sex with boys is a bad thing, std's, high risk of cervical cancer, risk of pregnancy before she is biologically capable of carrying a child without doing harm to herself, her loss of self respect, the lack of achievable goals in her life and the burden this places on our society to support kids having kids and kids that are parents not achieving anything more than a lifestyle of food stamps and drugs.....she needs to get a clue and she needs to get a clue now.
In my honest opinion, I would tell her mother, and I would suggest some family counseling, she needs a therapist to help her out of this line of thinking and behaving, she is just a kid, she needs your discipline, not to give it to her is failing her as a parent....parents are not supposed to be cool, to be a friend, they are there for the kid to test their boundaries, if you don't set some, she is going to flail around and follow some of her stupid peers, the tv and her friends will be her parents, is that what you really want for her?
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A
female
reader, dollparts  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 she trusted you enough to give you the password and you went and read her emails and now your afraid to lose her trust? personally I think it's wrong but I think you should just come out and tell her, talk to her about it, talk to her about sex and all that.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (28 June 2007):
 You can actually send an e-mail to the webmaster @ Myspace... They really respond to things like this, and can have her account shut down. As a parent, she's not entitled to keep an account without your permission. Revoke any internet usage that she may have at home.
DV1
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A
female
reader, Brandi +, writes (28 June 2007):
 Well I think that you should let her know IN PRIVETE that you know about her mail on myspace. But tell her that you are going to be kool about it and not tell dad or mom. But you promise not to have sex until you are older. That is how i would handle it.
PSplease look at my colum if you are interested in beiong friends add me and i will reci. you
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