A
male
age
36-40,
*kz
writes:Six years after I met this girl (lets call her P) I am still confused. I think I instantly fell in love with her, she was the complete opposite to me and a perfect compliment to my personality. We were at college together (17/18 years old) and we genuinely loved each other but we couldn't have a normal relationship because of her family being religious and only wanting her to go out with boys of the same religion.Fast forward to my first year of University. We were both at different Universities and quite a distance apart. We'd decided to try and get over each other while remaining friends because we knew nothing could ever happen. This point was poignant in our minds at this time because her sister was in a similar situation to us and was forced to marry a guy from her own religion instead of the guy she loved and it was devastating for her.It was hard for me to move on and despite enjoying occasionally pulling girls in clubs or whatever I couldn't enter into a meaningful relationship.Fast forward to my second year of University. We still talked but one day she tells me she has met another guy. I tell her it is too painful for me to hear about this but I am happy for her but to give me space so I could try to get over her.Fast forward to my third year of University, this was my placement year so I was working reasonably far away with my own independent life. We spoke maybe once, I called her to wish her a happy birthday.Fast forward to this year, my final year of University. I was nearly 100% sure I was over her, I was in one very promising relationship but this broke down. One day P called me while drunk and told me she loved me. I didn't pay much notice then but we opened up lines of communication again. Last week I saw her and we were talking about the future, I made a remark that I probably wouldn't be "back to this shithole again" [our hometown]. She instantly started crying, at this point I knew that she really loved me. I spent every day with her since and I am really enjoying it. So now I am stuck with exactly the same situation I was in six years ago.I know there is no future, I know that if we still have feelings for each other after all this time then maybe we're supposed to be together? Should I move on for good, there are other girls I'm kinda interested in. I'm also so tempted to just use P, tell her I still love her too and have a ton of sex then move away (as wrong as it is).What is your advice?? Help please.
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (30 June 2007):
Should you stop taking to her or just stop spending time with her? Thats up to you and what you think you can cope with. Everyone is really different, some would find it better to cut all contact with her but some may be able to cope with still talking to her. Personally I would stop talking and seeing her, as I would find it much easier to move on. But this isnt to say you cant be friends in the future if you still want a friendship/still want to talk to her. Once you have as much space from her as you need to move on you may feel like you can talk to her again, once you get over her and move on.
Im glad you have realised how bad it would be to just use her for sex.
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (28 June 2007):
 If there are other girls that you like and you know that this relationship will go no where, then i would walk away now because the longer this carry's on the more you are both going to end up hurting.
Do not carry on seeing her and cheat thats just plain nasty and to be honest the fact that you have even thought about it already says alot about how you actually feel about her.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, rkz +, writes (28 June 2007):
rkz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update, thanks for your advice. I do realise how bad using her is and your responses have reaffirmed that belief. I wont do it.
Yes ultimatly it is her choice to decide to go against her family but she would probably be disowned and I don't think she would ever go through that sort of pain for anything.
So I'm left with moving on and getting over it. Which is sad but for the best. I haven't seen her the last two days but I'll tell her my decision soon. Do you think I should stop talking to her? Or just stop spending time with her??
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A
female
reader, Sbrwneyes  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 At first I was going for you...but then I just lost you. You can't just have sex with her and then move away. That's just...just really wrong. You need to grow up...and decide to do the right thing. If you loved her then you wouldn't think about using her.
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (28 June 2007):
The only way you two could be together it seems is if this girl stands up to her religous parents. And you know she DOES have the choice to marry or be with whoever she wants. She obviously doesn't think the same as her parents, that the only good man for her is one of the same relgiion, as she has feelings for you and so on. So its a question of whether or not she is prepared to make a stand for herself despite her parents and their relgious beleifs. This would be so hard for her to do obviously ,but she needs ot make a decision. And you need to tell her that. She cant keep seeing you, leading you on and crying if you never come back to the hometown, and expect you to come back but never have a proper relationship becuase of her parents. thats not fair on you.
So I say put it to her that she needs to make a decision about whether or not shs going to go for what she wants or what her parents want for her. Then if she says she cant, the move on.
Also, as for being tempted to just use her for sex...i don't know what to say about that besides that its completely wrong, but you claim you already understand that dont you. I dont understnad how you can claim to love someone but then just use them for sex. If you care about her at all then you woudlnt hurt her like that.
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A
female
reader, Brandi +, writes (28 June 2007):
 If you use this girl then that would be WRONG not to mention it ould hurt her. her and using her for sex HELL no. I have been down that way and if you new how bad the feeling that that girl will get then you really would not use her. if she is to perfect move on but please DO NOT usse HER!!!!!!!
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