A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for just 2 years and I am absolutely in love with my husband. He is the most important person in the world to me. He still turns me on, makes me laugh, spoils me, and looks at me like I am the only thing in the world. He has been extremely preoccupied with his schooling which takes up pretty much ALL of his time and it is amazing what he does and that is why I feel so horrible for what I am doing.My husbands sister passed away a year and a half ago, and her husband, so my brother in law (bil) is obviously widowed with 2 children; my husband and I don't have any kids yet. Well about 3.5 months ago I started going out with friends again and I met up with my bil afterwards and we were both very drunk, and we went to our own houses but we were texting and sent very dirty and private pictures to one another. It was so hard to face each other at first, but then it just continued. All the dirty talk and dirty pictures got heavier and we would talk about what we liked and what we wanted to do to each other. It got out of control to the point where we were always hanging out downtown or meeting up and playfully touching and flirting.One night after partying it led to him pleasuring me with his hands. I felt so much shame after and especially the next morning seeing my husband. But at the same time, the excitement it brought was exhilarating!!!!! A couple of weeks later I was at a friends party and drank quite a bit. I needed a ride and he picked me up, we went back to his house and he pleasured me again and touched me and held me. It was the most amazing feelings that I hadn't felt in so long. The way he held me and touched me. We talked about how wrong it was and that we could never have sex, it would just destroy the family and not worth it, but the sexual tension is so strong, it makes it difficult.The following weekend, my husband was out of town for one night and I hung out with my bil at his house and I decided to sleep over and we both stayed in his bed...clothed! However there was definite touching on both our parts and it got more intimate but just with our hands. But the emotional connection is crazy....we talked about how it's more than just physical, but any emotions are off limits, he'd told me how he would totally date me, how he needed to find someone just like me - but a single version of me.We are always talking about what we want from one another and neither of us want to destroy our families, but with my husband's time being so minimal and him being lonely, it has brought us so close. We love hanging out with one another and we have confided and shared so much...I feel like I am in a relationship with him.I feel horrible because I am in love with my husband and while he is working so hard to get his education for our future, I am spending my time with my bil and enjoying it so much. I am so confused because I know what the right thing to do is, but I can't avoid my bil because we are such a tight knit family, we all see each other at least twice a week and there is no way to avoid one another. I get horny just seeing him!!! It is incredible what he does to me!!!HELP!!!! This is a messed up situation!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): To the OP: I think u have taken exception to some of the eye opening candid comments bec you are/were in denial and bec you betrayed the scantily of your marriage.
You allowed your BIL to touch you intimately, how do u react when you meet with him. Do u pretend that you did not share a bed with him?
Do you act as though you both did not please each other orally(?)/hand jobs? All these reflect your total disregard and total disrespect for your hb. Please I know that you are now very defensive but if the harsh comments made you to finally acknowledge the errors of your ways then I say that the harsh answers were right.
Have you thought about your 'partying ways'. While your hb is slaving with his studies, trying to better himself for you both, you have been actively spreading the love elsewhere.
What about your alcohol consumption? You had started to party and consume too much. Have u cut down?
You previously used to actively seek out your BIL for good times (feeling each other up) have you managed to put a stop to this?
How exactly do u face your hb and BIL when you are in the same room together. Both men now know your body intimately, so how do u react?
Will you ever confess to your hb that you were cheating on him with this man?
For me the blatant disrespect was when u shared the bed with your BIL. You deliberately chose to sleep over and you knowingly participated in sexual acts with him. What were you thinking?
Just bec you did not have penetrative sex with your BIL, does not lessen your wrongdoing. You did plenty else with him.
What/how does your BIL now feel about your relationship? You said that he wanted to date you if he could. You cannot just say that all these things just stopped. If you do and if u have not dealt with the full effects of your cheating, you will revert to your old ways again.
You crossed boundaries. Your tarnished the sacredness of your marriage and you almost destroyed an entire family.
You say that u respected your now deceased sister in law. Honey if you did you would not have cheated on her brother and her husband. Just think about what I am saying.
Perhaps being in denial makes it easier for you. Perhaps being so defensive makes it easier to explain. So what happens when you get lonely again? Do u go down this road again?
Do you work? Do u have any hobbies? Are you with the wrong type of friends?
Are you ready to be a decent faithful wife again?
Some of my questions are harsh I know but if you work through them it may just make you accountable for your actions and make you a better person.
Marriage is very hard work. Anyone who says it is not is a fool. Marriage is also not for the feint hearted, it is for people who are in. It for good times and the very bad times. It is for people who can spell respect, sanctity of marriage, fidelity, honour, faithfulness. If you cannot understand this then this marriage is not for you. Get out, spread your wings and live a single life. But if you can see yourself re cherishing your vows, loving and really respecting your hb, taking the bad with the good, then let your action speak for themselves.
I am not preaching to you. I am merely telling you how it is. The other Aunts who decided to tell you what u needed to hear, I say well done. Their words should you how wrong you were, you actually developed a conscience and it perhaps has made you want to be a better wife, a faithful wife.
Take care OP, find out what you really want in life and in your marriage. It will require you to grow up finally and for you to acknowledge your demons but it will be a journey well worth taking.
You have a good honorable hb. If you take him for granted, if you. Destroy the trust, if you cheat on him, you will find that many women will be waiting in the wings to replace you. Only when you lose this man will u realise that u lost a gem. By then u may not have a second chance. Read the stories here on DC, you will find may broken people , let their struggle be an eye opener to you. You do not know what a blessing it is to have a faithful man who wants to better himself for his wife and his future. Good men are very hard to come by.
Sorry this is long but I think u just didn't get it at first. My initial response was blocked by the MODS. If that was posted you would have really taken exception and you would not have been able to handle the truth. I am glad the MODs posted the other eye opening responses. It has had the desired effect.
LoveGirl
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@Serpico
I did a dishonourable thing....that doesn't define who I am or my respect for the sanctity of marriage.
For me to sum my situation in a few paragraphs does not explain everything going on.
I do love my husband and have the utmost shame and guilt and will pay for it the rest of my life even if I am forgiven, because it is who I am.
I have already began my path to fixing things and ensuring nothing happens and that is HAS stopped. My husband and I are back on track and have strengthened our communication.
I never thought I would have done anything like this, because it truly was never in my nature. My bil cannot completely cut communication because of our family, and I do not have to explain myself on that situation.
I do appreciate all the words, kind, straightforward, brutal, and harsh....I needed them all! They have all been taken to heart.
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A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (12 January 2011):
 @The Pheonic
Mate re-read the post she has already cheated on her husband by allowing another man to stimulate her by hand.
Eitherway OP you need to stop living in denial that you love your husband for if you truly did you wouldn't have allowed this affair to go any further. You know the right thing to do and its your choice on stopping the contact altogether just remember if you don't the repurcussions for yourself aren't going to be pleasant and what was once a good reputation will be tarnished for ever once the hubby and his family are aware of what you and the brother in law have been up to.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (11 January 2011):
You have no love or respect for you husband or marriage.
You need to stay away from both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Please lady, you do not love your husband otherwise you wouldn't disrespect him in this way. Love is about honesty and trust and sharing and devotion, think about that next time you let another man touch you like that.
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (10 January 2011):
see a counsellor ASAP
and make an agreement with you bil that you well cut ALL the conection with him once and for all
if you continue this emotional afair it well most probably lead to cheating and then eventually it well destroy the whole family
you sound like a good girl and you deserve being good
so keep your manners up
well all do mistakes but we are good and wise when we learn from them
p.s. keep this secret and never tell any one about it
and NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): I'm not sure that you love your husband as much as you say you do. You have let this other relationship develop unchecked till it has reached a very dangerous point. You could have drawn back at any time but nothing has stopped you so far. You risk getting caught out and the whole situation exploding. You really need to decide where you are going with this. You have a lot to lose unless you make a decision.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the replies so far.
To those who said I don't love my husband...you are wrong. I do love him. I am completely stimulated by him....body and mind. I could go on about our history and tell you we have been through everything together. He surprises and makes me think and makes me a better person.
We went from seeing each other every single day...in school and working in our business. Then he started school and it was cut short....so I was in need of attention and it was horrible.
I enjoy my bil's company as well as my other bil's and my sister in laws, etc. We each took advantage of a sad situation and honestly when I am near him, it is more lust, because I have no desire to kiss him or really even cuddle with him!
I've been reading how often times when you get married or if you have been with someone for a long time, sex drives can decrease....it did for awhile with my husband and just the dirty talk with my bil has revamped my sex life with my HUSBAND!!!!
I know it was wrong and yes being family makes it even worse...especially since I DO love my husband, our family is amazing, and I loved my sister in law who passed dearly!!!
I believe I have found the strength though over the last little while to get past this. Some of the replies were harsh but that is what I needed...so I thank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): Just by reading your dilemma I can tell you know what you should really do.
You know it's wrong and you know what the consequences could be. You need to end this fling with your BIL.
If you want, you can tell your husband. But at the same time, it might be better if you didn't because he would probably never be able to forgive you.
You need to move past this.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): You dont love your husband.You're just trying to convince us & yourself that you do,but you dont.You dont hurt people you 'love'.The deed has been done,You've already cheated,& cheating is for cowards.Theres no excuse for cheating.No one forced you,you made the decision.Dont try & justify your actions.If you had a problem with your husband,then you should sat him down & told him how you feel,does "for better or worse" mean nothing to you?
So when the truth comes out about you & your BIL,which it will,you will have to face the consequences,whatever they may be.It will ruin your marriage & your relationship,& your husbands relationship with his brother,& you will have a bad reputation.I dont really see a happy ending to this.But good luck anyway.
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A
male
reader, BigSambo +, writes (10 January 2011):
I know how you feel ... let me ask you some questions if you do not mind:
How do you feel when you know you are going to see him?
How do you feel when you know that something came up and you can't see him?
The reason I asked the above questions is for you to get an idea of what it is like to be around him or not see him, and you know the answers and both you and I know that there is no pill to make your feelings go away.
The only thing you can do is find a nice girl like you and introduce her to him, she will keep him busy and keep both of you away from each other.
Other than that and given how you and him feel about each other, he will end up making you feel hornier by giving you the best love injection you ever had lol.
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