A
female
age
36-40,
*isalovely
writes:I have been with my current significant other for 3 years and we are planning to move in together. At first, it was very exciting searching for apartments and actually viewing them! We actually started saving money months ahead and made a list of all the items we need to buy. We even saved an estimate of 2 months security deposit for a one-bedroom apartment. We already had planned the percentage of how much bills/rent my boyfriend and I will be paying. Since I am a student and work only part-time, we arranged that I would pay less.Everything was going well UNTIL my boyfriend informed that he is afraid of leaving his 21-year-old brother behind due to his maturity level. My boyfriend promised me that he would not disturb us, make a mess, etc... Anyways.. It took my boyfriend a few weeks to convince me to say yes! And then we were off to another journey of looking at 2 bedrooms apartments which this time did not go as well since my boyfriend's brother did not show up for some of the viewings and we had to schedule 2nd viewings. Not only that, my boyfriend's brother wanted the master room!!! Which made me ANGRY!!!!! I blow up on their faces!!! My boyfriend eventually spoke to his brother and his brother agreed on getting the regular sized bedroom.I am writing because I am having seconds thoughts about this, we (my boyfriend and I) actually just found a beautiful 2 Bedroom apartment but we are waiting for my boyfriend's brother to view it because he hasn’t yet!!! I really do not know what to do about this!!!I am moving away from my hometown to be with boyfriend which means that I’ll be doing a lot of commuting to school and work and now I have to live with his brother???I am about cancel everything but I am afraid that it'll hurt my relationship...I really want to move in with my BF, we have been planning this for months now!!! :(Question: What should I do? Any advise?
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female
reader, jaylee kristen  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 I live with my boyfriend and his brother I walk around half naked and I tell him if you don't like it get the hell out and he doesn't mind there has been a few things wrong with it like he didn't pay his share of the rent on time and my boyfriend let him get away wit it but the first thing I did was talked to him about it...so my advice to you is talk to you boyfriend and work everything out with him.
A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 August 2010):
 This needs to be addressed immediately between you and your boyfriend. I say immediately because this can turn into a major problem. Not just for the apartment, but for everything. Your boyfriend may be the type of person that blindly cares for his brother, thinking his brother can do no harm while his brother takes advantage of that. This could be destructive to your relationship as well as any others your boyfriend may have.
Talk to him. There's a difference between doing something nice, looking out for his brother and rearranging your life for him. Tell your boyfriend your willing to help out his brother, but he's got to take things seriously. This is a huge step with the 2 of you moving in together. When it comes to finances, this puts a strain on relationships. Make sure your boyfriend knows that things have to be figured out in the beginning before it happens and his brother must treat it maturely.
Unfortunately from what you are telling us, I think you are going to end up having to draw a line and eventually make your boyfriend choose between you and his brother. If he is allowed to continue babying his brother, it won't stop. Ever. Be cautious... i'm not saying your boyfriend should 100% choose you over his brother, but he's got to learn his brother is old enough to take care of himself.
If his brother wants the big bedroom it means he is not thinking realistically. This is a huge red flag. I guarantee if his brother moves in with you 2 there will be issues between the 3 of you. His brother will do annoying things that will make a relationship very difficult between you and your boyfriend and your boyfriend won't do anything about it. He will just make excuses. THAT is when your boyfriend will have to choose between you two....
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Well that just sucks... the best thing about moving in with your partner for the first time is being able to walk around naked and not give a damn...
His brother is 21 years old... not 16... This is ridiculous unless you actually get along with him really well and want him to move in aswell... Otherwise, its complete bull shit.
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (9 August 2010):
 Just because you made a plan now that has been in the works for months does not mean you have to follow through with it when it has all turned to shit.
It is a really bad idea for you to move from your place of work and school and commute just to live with a boyfriend.
Number one, living together does not make a committed relationship, Number two, your boyfriend may in fact be using you to help pay for a nice two bedroom apartment for him and his brother...if he weren't and is just doing his brother a favor, then his brother would not be needed to view the apartments for his approval, the place would still be the two of yours and he would just be renting a room. I forsee a lot of problems in having this third wheel in your living arrangements. Living together is hard enough without adding a family member to the mix who may resent you being there and have different ideas about his own financial obligations in the mix....after all he gets the smaller room without the bath.
Wait until your boyfriend becomes your fiance to make such sacrifices. If your relationship is going to last, it will last with you waiting until engaged to move in together, this plan has "failure" written all over it.
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