A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my confidence is rock bottom since i found out one of my best mates tried it on with my fiance while i was around 5months pregnant! i cant trust anyone anymore and have lost all my friends!i was in college in 2009, i fell pregnant in april 2009 and ended up quitting college in july 2009. iv been with my fiance for 2years now so when i started college i was already with him. when i met up with my mates nat, dawn and helen (not their real names) i used to take my fiance with me. helen and my fiance kept play fighting. helen then asked for fiance's number. i refused.i left college and moved into a house with my fiance. two days after we moved into together i found texts on my fiance's phone from helen. they were very flirtatious and sexual, saying that they want to meet up, does she get a kiss aswell as a hug, saying they want to be together and fancy each other but cant etc. i was heart broken, we had moved in together and i was 4/5months pregnant, i cried for days, split up with my fiance. my mates nat and dawn came over comforted me, then i found out nat and dawn knew helen fancied my fiance but didnt tell me. me and my fiance worked things out because i wasnt going to let this "girl" ruin things. after my son was born, when he was about 3months old, i took him to college to see everyone, dawn totally blanked me, helen threatened to slap me. so i blocked dawn on facebook and didnt talk to her again. nat kept being 2faced and bitchy about dawn and helen but then was nice as pie to them, so i broke friends with nat.now it seems one by one my other friends at college are ignoring me and cutting me out, one girl didnt invite me to her birthday party, this other girl didnt invite me to hers, but invited everyone else. i no this seems tedious but it really upsets me. i feel no longer able to trust anyone! iv had alot of problems with friends in the past being 2faced and bitchy, making all my mates fall out with me, espec in high school. but i dont get what iv done, i dont deserve this! i feel very isolated now, i have no friends, im looking after my son 24/7 because i have no1 to go out with, i never go out apart from shopping. i dont want to make new friends because i dont want to be hurt again :( i trust no-one and my confidence is rock bottom. how do i know if i try and make new friends they wont hurt me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CW_NOLA  +, writes (9 August 2010):
Trust in others is rooted in trusting and knowing yourself.
You have plenty of reason to fear what may happen, but you don't need to be paralyzed by it. Trust your own judgment - if while you're making new friends you see something that's not right or doesn't sit well with you, avoid it. Give yourself the peace of mind of knowing you can navigate your own situation and steer clear of any troubles others may bring.
For example, you had plenty of warning about Helen it seems. Her play fighting with your fiance, asking for his number, etc. These were huge red flags so I have to ask, why did you continue to be "friends" with someone who was clearly NOT your friend? Anyone who would behave that way towards someone's fiance and the father of her child is NO friend worth having. I'm sure there was a voice in your head telling you something was not quite right. Learn to listen to that voice.
Secondly, know yourself. What you need, what your hangups and weaknesses are, what areas are cloudy or highly emotional. To hear of the way you're being treated by these "friends" I'm amazed a bit that you'd be upset at all. Seems like it should be good riddance, doesn't it?
Maybe realize you deserve better and have more control over your own life than you think. Look for friends that fill you up and make you feel better about yourself and bring out your best qualities and don't allow anyone to make you feel less than the special and sacred person you are. You've brought another life into this world! There is something powerful, divine and wholesome in that. Recognize it. Feel it. Live it.
Expect more from others and yourself - you might just get what you REALLY want and need. Do things that make you feel powerful, competent and whole and don't rely upon others to do that for you.
Hang in there! I know you can do this!
CW
A
male
reader, CW_NOLA +, writes (9 August 2010):
Trust in others is rooted in trusting and knowing yourself.
You have plenty of reason to fear what may happen, but you don't need to be paralyzed by it. Trust your own judgment - if while you're making new friends you see something that's not right or doesn't sit well with you, avoid it. Give yourself the peace of mind of knowing you can navigate your own situation and steer clear of any troubles others may bring.
For example, you had plenty of warning about Helen it seems. Her play fighting with your fiance, asking for his number, etc. These were huge red flags so I have to ask, why did you continue to be "friends" with someone who was clearly NOT your friend? Anyone who would behave that way towards someone's fiance and the father of her child is NO friend worth having. I'm sure there was a voice in your head telling you something was not quite right. Learn to listen to that voice.
Secondly, know yourself. What you need, what your hangups and weaknesses are, what areas are cloudy or highly emotional. To hear of the way you're being treated by these "friends" I'm amazed a bit that you'd be upset at all. Seems like it should be good riddance, doesn't it?
Maybe realize you deserve better and have more control over your own life than you think. Look for friends that fill you up and make you feel better about yourself and bring out your best qualities and don't allow anyone to make you feel less than the special and sacred person you are. You've brought another life into this world! There is something powerful, divine and wholesome in that. Recognize it. Feel it. Live it.
Expect more from others and yourself - you might just get what you REALLY want and need. Do things that make you feel powerful, competent and whole and don't rely upon others to do that for you.
Hang in there! I know you can do this!
CW
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A
female
reader, Redstars14 +, writes (9 August 2010):
It's a risk you'll have to take just remember that not everyone is two faced and bitchy. Try and find friends that have lots in common with you (maybe people with children) what those girls did to you was horrible and unforgivable but you will find better friends I'm sure. Because your story shows you're a good person. So take the plunge and try and meet new people. x
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (9 August 2010):
 ... you don't I'm afraid... but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try to make new friends now should it...
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