A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My mom (she's christen) doesn't like my wife (of 3 years) because she's atheist. My mom has been on my case about it since she read her facebook religious status. She says if I don't find someone who believes god or I'll cut out her will and I'll go to hell (im atheist too but my mom doesn't know that). I just don't see what's the big deal. Will she get off my case cause it's really quite pathetic she would go this low to get me to leave my wife (which I refuse to do). Am I being unreasonable?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): tell her to take a step and hit the bricks! you are NOT being unreasonable and who cares about her will? anyone in thier right mind will realise "god" is too good too be true. see what i mean by "god" being the root of all evil not money? how many suffer over religion compared to money? and she cant stop you being with your wife just tell her to go away and mind her own buisness x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): This is where religion gets in the way of common sense and decent human behaviour to others. No person who cared about their son, Christian or not, would make such threats to get you out of a relationship you wanted to be in and that made you happy. She is your wife - how disrespectful of her!! This is your chance to be a man and not a little boy any more. She is treating you like a child she can manipulate. Sit your Mum down and tell her she either respects your wife, and you, or you will no longer tolerate her behaviour and stop communicating with her as it is not an acceptable situation. I would tell her your religious views - don't you think you have a right to believe in what you want to? You live in a liberal country don't you?? If she wants to write you or your wife out her will then let her. Money given on the basis of being able to control your life will never make you happy if you got it anyway - 'dirty money' really. Using a will or money to essentially bully you is a terrible way to treat you both. If it comes down to being forced to choose, which I sincerely hope it doesn't, please do the honourable thing by your wife. So many mothers ruin their sons marriages. Don't let yours be another statistic.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 hun i am sorry but you are like between 26-29 she can't choose whom you can and cannot be with anymore.
you are an adult and can choose whom you want to spend your life with.
and so what this girl is Atheist it's her personal view on life and your mum has what she believes in.
your mum cannot expect everyone to believe one thing.
everyone believes in different things.
you have your own mind and so does your wife and mother and your mother should not force anything onto your wife as this is her mind and mind alone.
Hope this helps you.
x x x x x
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A
female
reader, happytochat +, writes (15 June 2009):
You are how old and you are pretending to your mother that you are a christian? i think that is half the problem. she probably thinks that since you apparantly beleive in god, heaven and hell, she probably thinks you would CARE about going to heaven and not hell, therefore, may in her view, she is doing something good for you. I think you need to tell your mother that you dont believe in christianity, therefore, your wife not being a christian doesnt upset you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): I think your mother is way over the line - as a Christian she should be practicing what she preaches - Tolerance. How would your mother feel if your wife was a Muslim or Jewish?? Would the reaction be the same. Both you and your wife have the choice of what to believe in, as long as you are both happy, then so be it.
You need to discuss this issue with your mother, if she continues with forcing here views on both of you then she is going to break up the relationship not between you and your wife but between you and her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): exactly! Your not allowed to divorce in christian faith. If you are christian (that your mum thinks you are) and your wife is not, then you are both still saved by your faith. Although she is athiest she can be converted (not that you would want to, but ur mum doesn't know that). I duno i would have told a white lie and told her that the facebook wasn't updated and that was very old status forgotten to change haha.
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A
female
reader, LRKLMH  +, writes (15 June 2009):
 I am in a relationship where my bf's mother doesn't like me so I can see where your coming from! No your not being unreasonable this is a very hard question to answer because if not handled with great care you may end up losing one of the two people you care about. I cant tell you what to do but I can tell you how my BF handled it if it helps. My bf was in the car with his mother when she told him he had a choice to make either he would be with me or he could have his family, he decided that if his mother wasn't happy with him being happy that she didn't love him the way a mother should love a child! In the end he chose to cut his mother lose(which she didn't expect), so she opened the door and made him walk back home. The majority of his family still talked to him, his sister and her family, his brother and his girlfriend, and his step dad all kept talking to him (on this mothers side this didn't effect his fathers side) only his mother and one of his sisters stopped talking to him. And for a few months that's how things remand and it was very peaceful for me, but eventually she decided she would just rather bit her lip about and see her son. Now everything is a lot better(even though i suspect she still doesn't care for me) at least she is putting the effort there. I don't know if this would work on your mother but i hope i was helpful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2009): yeah, i kinda see why your mum is like that. to be honest, most christians believe their children should be with christians because they should not be unequally yoked with non believers. it leads them to do unspiritual things and most non christians do lead non believers astray. to be honest i was like i dont want my son or daughter to be with a non chritian as im a christian myself but there is only so much i can do. all i can do is pray that they choose a christian.HOWEVER, your mother DOES have a right to not like your wife, BUT she has no power over your marriage. she just has to get on with your wife for the sake of the relationship with her son. this is who her son chose. my advice is try to talk to your mother and say to her,"mum i know that you dont like XXXXX but she is my wife and i love her. i know you dont get along with her because you have your views but can you at least try to get along with her for the sake of our children (if you have them) and me. explain that if she does not wish to at least try, then tell her that you would have no alternative but to break the relationship with her. i know you dont wish to break the relationship with the woman who raised you, and looked after you and made you who you are but that is the situation you will find yourself in. that happened to me. i made my points as straight as that, and now, my family ended up telling me, oh he is not as bad as we thought,we kinda like him. SO ... good luck to you!!
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (15 June 2009):
 You're not being unreasonable in the slightest. It is your mother who should be a little more tolerant of others religious views (or lack thereof).Did your mother like your wife up until this point? You need to stand up to your mother on behalf of yourself and your wife. I think admitting you're atheist would be a good step to take. You're an adult, standing up to your parents about differing views and morals should have happened awhile ago.
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A
female
reader, athenas +, writes (15 June 2009):
Wow you dont believe in god? why? J.k Dont worry im christian too but just not into it as i used to be so you really want your mom to stop telling you to divorce your wife? Tell her to read the bible new testament, Jesus is agints divorce. That the only way you can divorce your wife is if she is unfaithful. And since your mom thinks you have christian believes tell her that Paul the apostle in one of the letters he wrote said that if the two of you arent christians and one of you converts you shall not divorce his wife or husband because of your testimony your wife may convert as well. Oh and no your not being unreasonable for GOD SAKE SHES YOUR WIFE!!!! Good luck
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A
female
reader, Blondy +, writes (15 June 2009):
 You are NOT being unreasonable!!! I sincerely hope that no one comes on and tells you otherwise. You should love your wife and refuse to leave her over what your mom says and it really is pathetic that she would say those things to you. You are right in what you are doing and I had to do the same thing with my parents. I never believed my parents religion growing up and by the time I was 14 I was sick of it and refused to go to church with them anymore because I did not believe it. Religious beliefs are VERY personal and I can't stand it when people try and push them on others like this. This is your mother, you are her son, she should love you and your wife regardless of religion and if she can't, thats her loss. I told my parents I had had enough of their church, I did not like the things it taught and I was done. I am still their daughter, I still loved them, I respected their faith and I asked for the same respect in return. I would tell her you LOVE your wife, I would tell its YOUR wife and you love her for who she is and not because of her religious beliefs. Tell her this is your life, you are a big boy and can make your own decisions and this is the path you've chosen. It is up to you what you believe. It is up to your wife what she believes. It is up to your mom what she believes. Tell her to STOP saying such things because you will not tolerate her saying these things about the woman you love. I hope this helps in some way.
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