A
female
age
26-29,
*rettyGurl
writes:Well I'm 15 years old and my mother continues to accuse me of having sex. She is really paranoid because she had me at such a young age. The more she accuses me, the more I feel like I should just do it because she thinks I'm doing it. I really just wish that she would trust me. I have all opportunity, but i choose not to do anything because I really am trying to show her how good of a daughter I am. I really don't know if should just stop trying to make my mother happy, and do what I really have been wanting to do for while, or should I not have sex because it is really the right thing to do. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, poiseniousvagina! +, writes (8 May 2010):
 No little girl don't be stupid just tell your mother
To get off your ass!..if you were having sex you would
Be pregnant right now cuz you don't know what to do
With it anyways...but if you do it plz!plz! Use extra
Protection!*condom always my darling!*
A
female
reader, beccababes  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 My mum is like that aswell, she is always worried that when I go to one of my friends sleepovers, she thinks that my boyfriend will be there and that we will have sex. I have never had sex before and I dont want to yet but my mum seems to think that at the next chance I have, that I will do it and she can't trust me,
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A
female
reader, _lola_  +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I totally agree with kc100it's unfair that your mother is punishing you for something you haven't even done. You need to sit down and have a proper chat with her about it and tell her how she's making you feel. You don't need to promise her that you'll never have sex young , before marriage or whatever it is she expects of you but you could ask her if you can count on her that when you're ready to lose your virginity the two of you can sit down and have an adult discussion, as two woman apposed to mother and daughter, about birth control and house rules etc. It could also be beneficial for her trust if you bring whatever boy your seeing round to meet her, letting her know that he's a good kid and you have nothing to hide! If you find it difficult to start the conversation you could write her a letter with everything you want to say in it asking her to meet you for a walk in the park or a cup of coffee several hours later, allow her to digest everything she's just learned.Above all remember the keep your cool, act rational and remember that your mothers only acting such an ass because she loves you and never wants hurt or pain to come to your way!P.s- If you were my kid I'd be damned proud of you and I bet your mom will be too when you get this all sorted!All the best xxxx
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A
female
reader, Emaz help +, writes (7 May 2010):
 she knows about how hard it is to be young and in a sexual relationship + a baby so she doesn't want you to go through the same. Shes testing you toi see how you respond to her acusations. Stay strong and don't have sex until YOU are ready, imagine how dissapointed she'd be if you went tghrough what she did. She's just scared and you need to show her that you understand her and are responsible then maybe she'll back off
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (7 May 2010):
 This is easy: DO THE RIGHT THING BECAUSE IT IS THE RIGHT THING and you can't go wrong. It's a bad idea and completely the wrong motivation to have sex just because it seems to be expected of you by your mother's worry or concern or by a high pressure guy with no upper brain. Stick to your convictions, it sounds as though you have them straight, as it is.
Frankly, my mother put me through the same thing, but I was 18. It was an awful experience. In retrospect,I believe she was acting out in fear rather than making a genuine accusation rooted in honest belief. Regardless, it never did our relationship any good. I think you're experiencing your mother's overt fear of what *could* happen rather than what *is* happening. Perhaps she finds some sort of perverse comfort in flinging accusations just to prompt you to confirm or deny them? Which is most likely what she's looking for from you. Maybe if you try to calmly tell her that no matter how many times she accuses you, those accusations will change no FACTS. And your choice to abstain from sex at such an early age is an excellent life choice you plan to stick to pretty hard. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, PrettyGurl +, writes (7 May 2010):
PrettyGurl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks so much, k c100, your advice makes me look at the situation differently. I want to thank everyone else who helped as well
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): Your mom had early sex, got pregnant before she was ready, and had you. So now you get to that age and she craps on you for having early sex whether you have or not.
Now you feel like doing it since you're getting punished anyway. And a very likely outcome is that you get pregnant too early just like she did. Do you see a pattern here? She is encouraging you to make exactly the same mistake she did and she doesn't even realize it. (I wonder if your grandmother once crapped on your mom for having early sex back when she was your age?)
So get smart and DON'T make the same mistake. Don't keep your pants on just to please her. Keep your pants on to REBEL from her.
And sit her down & tell her what you're telling us. It may not help much but at least you can try.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 May 2010):
 I think first of all you need to sit down and have a talk with your mum - you sound very mature so I'm sure if you sit down and talk face to face with her she will listen, and appreciate you coming to her.
Be honest and tell her yes you have thought about having sex, but you have not done it yet because you want to be a good daughter and you dont want to rush into something like sex without talking to her (your mum) about it first. Tell her that you wish she would trust you because the more she accuses you of having sex, the more you feel like rebelling against her and actually going out and doing it anyway. Explain that you would not lie to her about something like this, and you really have not had sex yet and you would like her to believe you and be supportive, rather than confrontational and angry with you.
As for having sex to spite your mum - please dont do that! You will only regret it because you wont be having sex because it is the RIGHT thing to do, you will be having sex just to annoy your mum. Which means you will regret this for the rest of your life!
Your virginity is a very special thing and you should only consider losing it when you are in a long term relationship with someone you love and trust. Sex for the first time is akward, painful sometimes and nerve-wracking therefore the only way to make it a good memory is to lose your virginity to someone who really cares for you and will make the experience special. Losing your virginity is a memory you will have forever, so dont have your memory centred around trying to piss you mum off!
Have you even got a boyfriend? I will tell you about my first time - I was 15 and a half and had been with my boyfriend 6 months. My mum was adamant I had to wait until I was 16 but this obviously didnt happen and she was so upset with me, it was quite a horrible time. But my first time experience was actually really nice, we loved each other very much, we had been together for quite a while, we trusted each other and we were safe (we used condoms and I was on the pill). I dont have any regrets about this but only because of everything I just said - if any of those elements had been missing I would regret it big time!
So if you really are serious about losing your virginity then you need to make sure you have been in a relationship for quite some time, make sure you go to the doctors and sort out birth control, make sure you have condoms, and most of all make sure you are ready and feel this is the right time for YOU. It doesnt matter about anyone else in this situation, you are the important person in this scenario so do what is best for you. And if your boyfriend is older than you then you may have a few problems with the law - if you mum finds out about it then by the sounds of things she may even report him to the police! I'm not sure what the age of consent is in your area but you need to be very careful about this, if the guy is older he can get into a lot of trouble.
So really you just need to talk to your mum and tell her how you feel (in a calm and adult manner), and then think carefully about sex and whether now is the right time. Your mum only wants what is best for you and she doesnt want you to end up as another teen mum, so try and remember she has your best interests at heart and forgive her a little for being so stern on this issue.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): Sweety you are only 15 years old, you have to think twice before you do such a big thing. you don't want your first time to be just because you mom is accusing you. my mom accuses me of doing things with my bf all the time and now im almost 18 yrs old. i took the choice not to have sex untill im all grown up and i have met the right guy. you should have a talk with your mom and tell her that her accusation are in vain and that you are not having sex. your mom is just afraid that you will do the same mistake that she did when she was ur age and had unprotected sex. be sure to talk to your mom if and when u decide to have sex so u can be prptected, 1) from pregnancy and 2) from disease that come from having unprotected sex!!
think twice before you do something just because you mom is accusing you of doing so!
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A
female
reader, Belladonnaanodyne +, writes (7 May 2010):
You will know exactly when you're ready to have sex because it will be when you're descision is not made for you be any external factors. There should be no pressure, no sadness from arguing with your mother.
You'll be in the moment with this special guy, you love and trust and who loves and trusts you back. It'll be safe and having discussed protection with your partner, there will be no risk of pregnancy. I know it sounds corny and lame but do you really want to look back and say, my first time was wasted, it was rubbish and in the grand scheme of things meant nothing to either of us.
You need to talk to your mother and tell her that she has to stop putting her mistakes on you. Tell her about your dreams of college and university, of a job and a career before marriage, a house, a dog and kids. Let her know that her mistakes have led you to leatn and grow.
HOpe I helped. Arguing with your mom is the worst I know. But it does pass, I promise. She loves you and is only acting out of worry.
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