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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Right before i even say this i know your going to start going on about how young i am and how i should live my life but i dont want that i want advice, NOT a lecture thanks xxxI want a baby, I've thought about it alot and have decided that i want a baby more than anything in the world. My boyfriend says he would be happy if we had one by accident but doesnt want to do it purposefully, how can I do that? Answer i don't think i can but I really want a baby, I've thought about every aspect i meant he taking care and bringing up and how it will affect my life!! Someone give me some advice on something, preferably how to talk to my boyfriend about it or how to go about doing it!! Thank you sooooo much xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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female
reader, Nici  +, writes (16 September 2008):
ok so i really wantted a baby to, and so did my boyfriend i dont a reason for you to give to you bf bc my bf brought it up.
well we are having a baby now and idk why but we are and im only 15 and so scared idk what im doing.
please dont do it, i wish i could get out of it buttt i cant i miss my friends and everyone trusting me i love my bf very much and i know i will love being a mom but i really wish i would of thought about it more then what i did before i said yes.
ive never had a job and dk what im going to do about financial care or health coverage like insurance, i now know that i was really selfish looking from the babys side bc it will most likely not have a very tough time in school.
Dont do it please!!
i know this isnt what u wanted to hear but i think u needed to here it bc... honey this really sucks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Can you pay for raising a baby right now? If not then you have no business having a baby.
Hey, I'd like a Ferrari too. I just can't pay for it right now. Life's tough.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): hey I want a baby to but don't know how to tell my bf my advice would be wait until you were really ready
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): I am 24 and i have had 2 abortions for the reason that i was 2 young to keep the babies, i am now living with my boyfriend and raising his 6 year old child which he had with his ex wife. I love children and i want one of my own 2. It would be great to know that you have someone to love and someone that will love you always. It is difficult though. I know what i am saying because i am living it now. Its different having a child of your own and raising someone else is. Very difficult. Imagine having one of your own. I think you should wait a bit longer, like 6 or 7 more years. You are still a child yourself. Live your life, enjoy your self and then think about having kids. Dont mess your life up now. You will regret it. All you will be doing all day, is cleaning, cooking, changing dipers...... and a lot more.... stress stress and stress, im going through that now, and the kid isnt even mine.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): Wait until your financially and emotionally stable. Don't throw your teenage years away! Every girl wants a baby but we just have to wait for the baby's sake.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): tell him that ever thing will be fine and that it is best tto have kids young because that way you have more energy to do thing with them and you get to grow up with your kids.
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female
reader, xx-miss-cupid-xx  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 Hey again x
OK...Thanks for the follow-up to your question.
It's OK for you to have a child if you want...I didn't realise that you were 15 as the age says 13-15. But there are still the responsibilities to think of.
Babies can be sweet, fun, little bundles of joy, but they turn into kicking, screaming toddlers. They can be hard to cope with, even for the best of parents.
As I said earlier, give your boyfriend some time to think because if you try and convince him too much then it may cause arguments.
Sometimes when people lose their parents, it's natural for the child to want a baby. They want to show that they can do a better job than their parents did. A sort of way of giving someone else your lost childhood.
Please just remember that having a baby is not all roses.
Good luck, whatever you decision.
Cara -x-
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, I have thought about all these things and seen as though i lost both of parents when i was just 7 years old and have lived in a foster home up until about 10 months ago when i moved in with my boyfriend! My boyfriend and I both have part time jobs and im not planning to go to college, baby or not, all my GCSE's are predicted As and A*s and i am doing them in two months so it wouldnt realli effect my education. So i have shelter and money to pay for food! I AM NOT selfish and cant believe you would say that, i want a baby because i do i want to look after it i want to love something, i want to be dependable! So there you go.
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female
reader, xx-miss-cupid-xx +, writes (19 January 2007):
Hey x
I can understand your problem as many friends of mine are at the stage of wanting a baby.
I won't give you a lecture...but I'll just say you need to consider the responsibilities of having a baby. It's hard work for women of all ages. It's a full time job. You would have to possibly give up your education full time, and there may be a money and finance situation too.
If you still want to have a baby, then it's up to you. Try telling your boyfriend the good things you know about having a baby. Or even give it some time so he can think about it some more.
Good luck, whatever you choose to do!
Cara -x-
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female
reader, Shadow_Addict +, writes (19 January 2007):
 i can understand how you feel because I also feel like this alot. I dont know if its the same with you but for me its having something to love and be loved back no matter what... But at the end of the day having a baby is a two way thing. If your boyfriend isnt ready yet you cant force him into it. Be patient with him.
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female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (18 January 2007):
 You cannot persuade your boyfriend to have a baby if he is not ready. It is a very serious commitment at any age.
If you trick your boyfriend to have a baby with you, it is dishonest and you may push him away.
I am not going to be judgmental or harsh but I have a few questions for you to think about:
You say you want a baby but you have not listed a single reason to explain why?
Why do you want to have a baby?
What void is a baby going to bring to your life?
Would you want a guy to stay with you out of pity because of the baby?
Would you be able to cope a guy resenting you for pushing him into a situation he was not ready for?
What kind of life and security could you give a baby on your own?
Do you have your own house to offer him shelter?
Do you have your own car to take him to nursery and doctors when he is sick?
Babies are not cheap. Buggies, beds, clothes, food, nappies, baby equipment kits.
Do you have your own job/income to support him?
Utility bills, insurance, tax, cleaning, food, fees. Do you even know how much does it cost to run a household?
If you get a job, who is going to look after your baby?
How are you going to get a good job that pay enough without qualifications?
How are you going to get qualifications without finishing your education?
You could work during the day whilst your family looks after your baby, you could study at night, but how could you concentrate if baby cries all the time?
How can you sign legal documents for nursery/school for your child if by then you were not of age yourself?
How would you cope with your child being bullied at school because children make fun of him/her of having such a young mother?
If having a child would not be as fulfilling as you first thought, is it fair on the child to be resented by his/her own mother later on?
How would you socialize and be romantic with a partner if babysitter is not available?
Are you really thinking about what is best for your child or yourself?
I am not convinced that you can have "sorted" any of the above.
The fact that you expect advice on how to convince your boyfriend to make the most significant change in his life (knowing it is not what he really wants)just because you want it Now, shows that you need to seriously think your future goals in life.
I hope you reconsider and enjoy your life to the full as there are so many things for you to experience as an individual.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Her parent? Heckfire I feel sorry for that poor innocent baby she is so determined to have. Who would want a selfish teenager for a mother?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007): Dear, your bf doesn't want a baby! If he wanted one, he would say, "hey hun. let's get you pregnant!". He hedging, he's unsure, he's uncertain. . That should tell you something. I am not going to give a lecture either. Although you might think it is-I don't really care. I have a lot to tell you about your situation. Before I do, you need to think about your question and what you are asking us. Then think about your age. You are asking us to give you ideas on how to persuade your young bf to give you a baby. None of us Aunts can do that. And if an Aunt does, then she has forgotten the huge responsibility she must uphold on this site when giving advice to questions like yours. Especially when you are recklessly proposing to have a baby irregardless of what your bf really, really wants. Remember, there are two other (your baby and your bf's) lives and their futures at stake here. So when I read letter like yours which displays this selfishness and lack of forethought for other people's wants and needs, I cringe and I think..this is all about you and your own needs, hun. And that is not the mark of a mature female wjo should be thinking of Motherhood. If you want a baby to love you and make you feel all good inside, I suggest you buy pet, because human babies while fun, cute and wonderful, have unrelenting, huge emotional 'needs' themselves that must be accommodated, night and day-to flourish, to be healthy and grow up happily. You will give up a social life and every waking moment will be holding, feeding , burping and changing this baby. Your life as a carefree teenager will end.
Added to all this, you need to realize the profound responsibility that entails the act of giving birth. From that moment, your whole future and life changes and the responsibilities that come with raising a new person, are monumental and darned hard work. So one has to stop thinking about what 'she needs' and think of this what this baby will need, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Babies are fun, cute and wonderful, but babies are the ones that have the unrelenting, huge emotional 'needs' must be accommodated, night and day-to flourish, to be healthy and grow up happily. .
I am saying to you, is if you feel you are mature enough to get pregnant and have a child, make darn sure you are old enough to shoulder the 24/7, massive responsibilities for the next 20 years. With a new baby, all your further educational goals could be put on the back-burner, indefinitely. or you can do what others do. Many young people use their head and they will postpone any thoughts of babies, until they have a better footing in their life. They wait until they are done their education, they get established, they learn, they gain more life wisdom, maturity, insightfulness and ...then they settle down and have a family.
And when you get to that point in life,and before you want to make a baby, you need a committed, loving husband, not a boyfriend. Your baby needs two parents married and totally committed to each other. If I were you, I'd wait, grow, develop yourself, enjoy life, have fun and get your education and career underway. Then marry this good, caring bf of yours, who will support you while you stay home and care for your baby when you are both adults. But in order to do that, he needs to get his life in order and have a career so he can help you raise this child. I strongly suggest you see guidance form your own Mother. Connect with her and find out how she feels. Something tells me her words may echo mine and what these aother Aunts are telling you. I wish you the best, dear but be a smart girl and think this through, rationally.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007): Hey...I know you don't want a lecture so I won't give you one. But girls around your age sometimes get broody, meaning they want a baby. Even though there are many great things about babies, it's not all great. People say that it's the hardest job in the world, and it's a full time job. You need to put in some more thought to this...there is your education to think about and the money. But in the end, it's your choice, and no one can tell you what to do. Maybe wait a few months and give your boyfriend some time to think it through more. Good luck! Cara -x-
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male
reader, Dr. Reality Check +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Er, and just how are you going to afford this baby without a job, house, money or education? Somebody needs to knock some sense into your head. You are TOO YOUNG to have a baby! Well, not technically, but you are to young to ever give a child a good life as you are not financially sound enough to do so. As for loveisapain's answer...are you crazy, that's like saying if you love me prove it by having sex with me. These kids are 14 years old!
Wake up and smell the roses, girl!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007): Okay, so you want a baby. Have you ever spent any time looking after one? If you want one so badly see if you can persuade someone to lend you one for a weekend, a small baby, and see how you feel at the end of it. They're a lot different to how they are on tv.
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female
reader, appygal81 +, writes (18 January 2007):
 i agree with Ponungalungb, you need to put a little more thought in to this. i know you dont want a lecture and all that but i have a daughter who is 3 that i absolutely love, but i am only 25 and i feel that i could have waited longer to have a child. there is alot of time where i would love to go out and do things, but then i have to look for a sitter, pay the sitter go out and chill for awhile, but then i worry about getting back home so Hailey doesnt worry about me...its really hard to get a moment to relax and at your young age i feel that you should live your life to its fullest (I do miss my freedom)....how is your relationship with your BF? have u had any problems? do you feel the need to have a baby to keep him in your life? that is usually the wrong thing to do. hope this wasnt too lecturish...think it over again and i would suggest even asking to care for someones ( a sister or aunt etc) infant for even a week and see if you can handle it....the first 6 months can get rough, up every four hours or so feeding the infant, it gets really draining. think about it dear and go from there
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male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (18 January 2007):
 Here's an idea! Go to a home for unwed mothers and spend the day with them. If there isn't a home like that near you, volunteer at a nursery for about a month. See what it's really like to take care of a baby. Take into consideration who is going to pay for food, clothing, and medical care. Does your boyfriend have a job that will support you and your offspring from cradle to college?
If what I've already told you doesn't convince you not to have a baby, have your boyfriend email me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2007): I want to hear 'why' you want this baby, first. What does having a child in your life, mean to you. And I would like to hear a positive, really, really sensible answer. Thanks.
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female
reader, loveisapain +, writes (18 January 2007):
 tell him that if he reallyloves you that he will at least consider it but dont presure him into it. Sounds like the last thing you need is him feeling like he is beeing pushed into it.
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