A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about how to describe my relationship. My boyfriend and I are not yet engaged but are very committed to each other, to the point that we are planning on sharing a house shortly. "Boyfriend" no longer seems like the right word. 15-year-olds have "boyfriends" after they've shared a Coke at the boardwalk - the word doesn't have enough meaning. "Partner" seems more appropriate except that people usually hear that word and think of a same-sex relationship. Nothing wrong with a same-sex relationship, mind you, but that's not what this is so it doesn't seem like quite the most clear term either. Any suggestions on what to call him at this phase?
View related questions:
engaged Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've got no doubts about the relationship itself. We talk a great deal about long-term plans and dreams, and I'm pretty sure the only reason he hasn't proposed yet is just because he knows I prefer to move slowly and this is a good intermediate step before engagement. In our faith, engagement is considered a solemn promise to marry. Sharing a house is a big step but not nearly as big as that. I like the way things are going just fine. I only posted this question because I don't know how to best communicate the stage of relationship we're in to other people.I kind of like one of tennisstar88's answers, "other half." My grandmother spontaneously called my guy my "other half" today and I realized it has a blend of warmth, certainty, and subtle humor that I think are good for this stage for us.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): I believe you are boyfriend and girlfriend until you get engaged, and then he is your fiance.
Partner implies more of a permanent arrangement in lieu of getting married where two people cohabitate but don't want the hassle of divorce or people asking them when they will marry. Often children are involved and one or more partner has been married before and not eager to start a family.
If you want something more serious than what it is, I would hold off on living together until you get a ring and not financially and emotionally trap yourself in a situation where the man has no intention of marrying you.
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 My live in boyfriend is my partner
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Companion maybe ?
Or, just say partner. After all when you introduce him to people they will SEE that you are of different genders. .
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Thank you for the info. I does help to learn how other countries, even one so similar works. I do like the term significant other.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Your "intended"?
"Partner" is used extensively in the UK by heterosexual couples and I don't see why it wouldn't apply to your situation. I don't think "GAY!" when I hear the word.
"SO" as in "significant other" and of course the formerly famous "POSSLQ" ("person of opposite sex sharing living quarters") could be options. I rather like the way "possel cue" rolls off the tongue..... or "ess oh".... Ok, maybe not.
Roommate, close friend, lover....
You could do the "google" thing and come up with your own word, and then explain it to people. "He's my Erotas."
...............................
A
female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I don't see how boyfriend is a bad thing to call him. I called my fiance my boyfriend after we moved in together. I think the stereotype that it is juvenile comes from the fact that the term is thrown around a lot when you're younger, but when you're older most people say boyfriend and girlfriend until they are engaged or married. And what is in a name anyways? Would it change your relationship if you called him something else? Probably not. So just call him your boyfriend and know it means more than that in your heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I don't think "boyfriend" lacks meaning. He's not your fiance or husband just yet, the only other term left is boyfriend. Which pretty much describes what he is to you. A more serious relationship, but that's to be expected given your age bracket.
Unless you break open a thesaurus, you're pretty limited as what you can call him. Significant other, your other half, beau...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to both agony aunts (or in this case I suppose agony uncles) who've replied thus far.An FYI for The Realist - I don't know how it works in Canada but it might be useful for you to know that there are a lot of misconceptions regarding common law marriage in the United States. Not all states even recognize common law marriage; in fact most don't, including the one I live in. In those states that do recognize it, the standards are that two people must live together for a significant amount of time (though this is not specifically defined anywhere), present themselves publicly as married (using the same name, referring to each other as a spouse, filing a joint tax return, etc.), and have an intention to marry formally at some time in the future. All of those criteria would have to be satisfied and as of right now we really would only satisfy one of them. (Just thought this might be useful info for you as an agony uncle.)
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): Partner / significant other / lover.
...............................
A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (22 September 2011):
Technically once you start living together you could be called common law. I don't think that sounds too much better. I see why you want another term for your relationship and I think partner is ok but it might be best for you to introduce him as your boyfriend and make reference to the time that you two have been together.
...............................
|
