A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm a 29 year old woman, been married almost 8years with a 4year old son, fairly happily married. Recently i bumped into an old flame from high school(first love) haven't seen each or had any contact for 14years. We exchanged numbers and met for lunch a week later. The conversation was at times a bit difficult, but in general was ok. He was very fidgety and couldn't really sit still, what do u think that means??? i was very pleased to be in his company and was very comfortable, i would like to sustain contact, not sure what to do though as we are both in relationships and i'm unsure how he is feeling....help me please..........
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): He was obviously nervous because he felt that he was doing something wrong. You say that you are both in a relationship so what are his thoughts? He is thinking about what was, about the good times, and about hooking up and he's feeling nervous because that in his mind is already cheating on his present partner.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): I had an old college flame email me. After a weekend of really thinking about her, and four months of thinking about her daily, we met for lunch. SHe was sweet, and it was fun to see her again, but I really love my wife - and I realize that tthings worked out for the best for BOTH OF US. Still, I had 4 month of "suffering" as I had her in my mind A LOT, whereas I didn't for the 20 years prior. My advice to the OLD FLAMES is, if you really think you like (or love) your old flame, LET THEM BE. While you probably won't jump into bed again, think about what emotional trauma you are bringing them. Althoug it is nice to know that my old flame is doing well, I think that all in all, I would have preferred not to hear from her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): You have to be tough with yourself and also honest. What do you want out of this "relationship" with this old flame? Even if you don't want the excitement of sex and an affair, you should ask yourself why you are even considering meeting up for dates with an ex when you have a husband and a child. Unless you are 100% sure of your motives - which I presume you are not since you would not have otherwise written on this board - I would be very very careful. If your husband was to find out that you have met up with your ex, presumably this would be very hurtful and erode his trust. You say your marriage is "fairly happy" - does this mean that you are not entirely happy? Would it not be an idea to focus on what you could do to make your own marriage more satisfying, rather than giving into the temptations of an old flame, whether emotionally or physically? It sounds like you are playing a dangerous game and could well end up having an affair with this man, who is probably quite willing to sleep with you then leave you with a broken family.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 He was nervous because either he wants to fuck you, or senses you want to fuck him.
I think you are looking for someone here to encourage you to emotionally cheat on your husband, which will lead to an affair.
I have a better idea if you really want to keep in contact. How about him and his date, meet with you and your husband? Think your husband might have a problem with this? If he is smart, he will.
Don't contact him.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (26 May 2007):
Wow nervous because he remembered you as who you were a long time ago. I know in Europe exchanging numbers and meeting for a drink isn't like in N. America. In N. America it is seen as cheating and being promiscuious. Sorry American or North American friends, talking, communication, old flames, marriage, attitudes towards driving or drinking is very different...in the EU.
Just don't try and re-create history, he might have been your first love and the attraction and memories never die, but remember you aren't who you were when you were dating. Like it or not you've changed. Your still your core person, but don't ever try to re-visit a city you've seen before. Do you know what I mean?
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A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 I agree with everyone here. I think that you need to distance yourself from him. He might be getting the wrong idea. It's disrespectful to your husband as well. Are you prepared to say goodbye to everything, because that's what's going to happen if you continue with this guy.
DV1
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (26 May 2007):
 If you have so many unresolved feelings about this guy and his thoughts, why do you want to keep this potential disaster alive? You're heading down the wrong path, you know it but you're enjoying the attention.
"Fairly happily married"...."not sure what to do as we're both in relationships"..you answered your own question. Stay away. The fact you're asking this question should throw up a BIG red flag.
I suggest you tell your husband this....Honey, I met this old flame of mine, he was my first love. We decided to go out for lunch this week. He seemed really nervous so I'm not sure what he was thinking. I REALLY enjoyed his company and would love to see him again, even though I'm married to you. If you can dig up some old girlfriend you'd like to hang out with, go ahead. Are you OK with this sweetie?..........
Doesn't that sound ridiculous. It's TROUBLE....
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (25 May 2007):
Probably best to nip this in the bud. Continuing down this path may be detrimental to your marriage.
Are you in need of more friends? If so, there are other people who would probably pose less of a danger than an old flame.
Of course, maybe I'm reading too much into your post, but it seems to me that you're feeling the excitement associated with such situations as meeting up with an old flame, as was he. It can be very confusing, and before you go any further with this, you need to get some perspective. Keep in mind that your children should be your first priority.
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