A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really am at the point of I don't know what to do. I am 25. I just got out of school about a year ago and now have a really good job and everything I could ever want financially. The problem is I really would like a boyfriend. I was home schooled in high school so I didn't date then. I also didn't date in college because I was too busy in school. Education was highly stressed in my family as a way out of poverty. I have been dating (or trying to) for a year. It seems like all of the really great guys already have girlfriends. All of the guys I have dated have really tried to treat me badly. I will not be treated badly because I have worked so hard to build myself up to this point. I dont even care about appearance or age. ( I dated a 40 year old, 5'6 200lb guy, but he treated my badly too). I used to think that my appearance was the problem. I used to dress like the nerd I was, but I now dress nicely and consider myself a fairly attractive person I have tried everything I can think of, but nothing has worked. I have tried to met guys at work, in bars, in the park, at coffee shops... I have tried approaching guys or letting them come to me...I'm at the point now where I think I should just focus on my career and go back to school because I know I can be successful in that. Should I just give up? I really don't want to because I would like to have someone to share my life with. I am not asking for marriage...
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 May 2010):
You're trying too hard, and in trying too hard you're opening the door to the wrong kind of men. Those men who want to use you will sense that you're perhaps a little desperate, and they will latch on to it. The right guy is out there, but you need to be a bit more choosy about the men you're looking at, and just step back. You don't need to go from one date to another and then to another. You'll not meet the right guy that way. Go out, have fun, speak to people and be a little more choosy. You're an independent women, and you're smart, so don't settle for a rubbish guy. Take your time and you'll meet the right one.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Don't give up. I've given up in the past and missed out on some great opportunities because I wasn't watching for them. I still kick myself about some of what I passed up. Always remember to be yourself, if someone is a jerk, move on. Life is too short to deal with that crap.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): It took me 5 years of trying v hard to get a boyfriend. I am very happy in my relationship now, but there was a long time of single going on there.
Unlike school or career where you can take charge of it, finding love is kind of random and difficult to control. I have extremely attractive female friends who are still single. It will happen eventually, but just because you didn't find it in 1 year doesn't mean it's not going to happen.
My advice is to try and meet as many people as possible in a non-date way, be friendly and don't confine yourself to one social group and then when you do meet men/ go on dates - listen to them! Most people will be really happy that someone is interested enough to take the time to listen to them rather than banging on about themselves the whole time.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 May 2010):
 I know this is addressed to men but I'd like to add my two cents. I think since you are only 25 you need to relax. The right guy will come along, stay busy and visible. As long as you don't hole up in your home, you'll stumble into love sooner or later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): I think that you are being a little too desperate and perhaps coming on too strong! Watch the movie UGLY TRUTH. You remind me of the girl in that. Try to focus on having fun and enjoying your life then someone will see this and want to be part of it.
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A
male
reader, OmegaXF +, writes (5 May 2010):
 If you put yourself out their too much then people will take advantage of you. If you had previous relationships and they treated you badly that's ok since that is a steeping stone. Picking up men is a game. You have to learn the rules, and practice at it. Maybe turn into a bad girl, stop looking for a relationship and start looking at the trend of men you are around learn habits, situations that can occur, etc and then when you understand how everything works (i.e. become a player) You can find, pinpoint and take home the perfect man for you. OR you could just try eharmoney lol. I heard ok reviews from them, but if you were or are a nerd there is no shame into using those awesome skills to learn about the frustrations of life. Trust me I would know since I am a nerd also lol. Enjoy
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