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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Well a little while ago I got on Facebook. I wanted to see what my boyfriend was up to so looked at his Facebook page. (I didn't go onto his account just wanted to see if he had updated). I saw that he had befriended some girl. Curious I clicked on the link and found a page for a girl with only 8 friends, all male. Even more curious now I read that she "Had a new pic of her peircing but couldn't post it on Facebook" Clicking the link it took me to a porn site featuring female porn of all shapes and sizes.So after freaking out I called my boyfriend, it's 12:40 a.m. He answered and I asked him what that was. He said it was some girl in one of his classes. I asked if he'd delete her because I thought he might be confused as to who this girl was. He replied he'd do it in the morning.I trust him. My problem is I know I'm going to be very pissed off at him, even though I really think this is a silly mistake. Any ideas how I can not get mad at him over this??? Thanks-
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not mad at my boyfriend. I never was just mad at the girl or site w/e
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Dirtball is right; I've gotten friend requests from some chick who was a friend of a friend--turns out his account was hacked--and indeed "she" was really a shill for another site. This person does not know or care about your boyfriend, so it's not like someone sent porn specifically for him.
The way to be mad is to drop it. There's no need for a conversation about it; your boyfriend inadvertently befriended someone on a social networking site that he thought he knew. No harm in a mistake.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): 1. ure overreacting 2. this girl is just a marketing tactic that they are doing nowadays. they pretend to be attractive chicks to lure new clients into a porn site - personally, i get strangers adding me all the time who happen to be "robots" trying to lure me into their website so that i can become a member. how they got my email? no idea.3. your bf may have prob added her because.... sometimes u get friend requests on facebook from people u dont know and a lot of people add them with little thought or consideration.also if he does watch porn, big deal.. its completely natural for guys to watch porn and even healthy (in moderation of course). u prob watch porn on some occasion. so lets just be realistic here...
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 Would you answer my questions? Did he post on her wall? Did she post on his? How is she "Sending him porn?"
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (5 May 2010):
You never answered my questions. Did he write on her wall? Did she write on his? I'll add another, why are you being such a psycho over nothing? You said it was nothing, so let it be nothing. Don't talk to him about it, just let it go. If you aren't mad at him, then DROP IT.And I'd suggest being less stand-offish when asking for advice. And in your original post you did say you knew you were going to be mad at him. I suggest you read what you wrote.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and I didn't call him at one in the morning. I called him at 12:30 sort of a big differnce in my mind. Especially considering it's the summer for us and he doesn't go to bed that early.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGoog gosh people. You've missed my point entirely. I'm not angry with him at all. I was asking how to not be angry about the situation. Yeah I'm annoyed some slutty girl befriended my boyfriend. Do I think he knew she was a porn girl? No. Do I think he checked out the porn? No.
I was asking how not to sound angry with him (even though I'm completely not) when talking about the situation. Cause yeah I'm gonna sound annoyed when I bring it up. Not at him though at her. But I don't want him to think I'm annoyed with HIM. Thats what this quetion was. Not that I'm angry at him at all -.-. But I'm going to sound angry.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (5 May 2010):
Holy cow, defensive much? Did he write on her wall? Did she write on his? How is she sending him porn? Is it because she had a link to some x rated dating site in her recent post?
I look at friends' pages too. I'll check out their friends lists. If he isn't actively seeking out this person, and communicating with them regularly, then I think it is not an issue. Chill out!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasn't 'checking up on him'. I was curious if he had posted a new status message about his new apartment and what he would say. He had just got internet that day and I wanted to see if he'd got on facebook. I trust him completely. I only clicked on the girls name out of curiousity. I've done the same with my other friends. It's like "Oh hey who's this? Do I know them?" It wasn't going into his account I was going to the link on his page as he's my facebook friend. I'm assuming you are older as you are married. It wasn't an issue of trust at all. I'm not even mad at him just at some girl for sending him porn.
I think if you had a facebook you went on daily you'd be looking at your friends pages all the time. Which I do. I look at my best friends pages and my boyfriends just to see whats going on in their lifes. My boyfriend usually leaves cute status updates everytime he's on Facebook. I like reading them they usually make me laugh. But he hadn't been on since we've been moving him into his new apartment and since he just got interenet I wanted to see if he'd updated over his apartment.
I think your answer was a bit of an overreaction.
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (5 May 2010):
I've seen those "people" on FB. Really they are just shills for the sites they post links too. They aren't actually people. He probably got a friend request and since the name sounded familiar accepted. Did he write anything on her wall? Probably not. That account will likely be deleted very soon by FB anyway. I wouldn't concern yourself with it. What matters is what people do in real life. I avoided FB like the plague for this exact reason. Sadly, I've finally caved...
My point is, don't sweat it. He probably never visited her page, let alone knew what was on there. I have FB on my phone, so I don't always check every friend out before accepting them. I try to remember to go back and look later and delete if necessary. This is nothing to worry about. Don't let yourself cause unnecessary drama in your relationship. If you had called me at 1 a.m. I would have expected it to be an emergency, not this. We'd also be having a fight right now about you acting like a psycho over nothing. I hope you can get past your jealousy issues.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (5 May 2010):
 You say that you trust him but I think you should re-evaluate that statement. You looked on his facebook page because something motivated you to do so. I wouldn't look on my husband's facebook page if he had one, or his email or mobile as I trust him and cannot be bothered...I think if I ever reached the stage in our relationship where I felt the need to do that then I would know there was something terribly wrong and I would be getting a divorce. If you don't have trust in your relationship, the paranoia and checking up can make you ill. I suggest you try to work out if this relationship is going anywhere in terms of a future. I think figuring out strategies on how not to get mad with him is distracting you from the real issues that you should be addressing.
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