A
male
age
51-59,
LazyGuy
writes:Slashdot is a geek site focussing mostly on tech. Relationship advice is not something you will find there, but this story just has to be mentioned.http://entertainment.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=08/03/30/0028211http://www.livescience.com/health/080320-clueless-guys.htmlIs the actual story, it seems that men are very bad at correctly interpreting when a girl is just being friendly BUT also when a girl is actually flirting.So, what is going on? Are men just bad at reading women OR are women just bad at communicating what they want?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2010): I think everyone is Right in their way of communication, so long as it's not fake, and it is the interpretation that gets a little Off.
-T.V.
A
female
reader, Manya  +, writes (31 July 2008):
I think that this inability of men and women to read one another has a good side -- it being part of the continual fascination! What I would say, giving credit to Erica Jong, is that for men, a lot of what they do has to do with competition and for women, a lot of what they do has to do with nurturing.
Perhaps a woman may just be being friendly, i.e. nurturing and feel sorry for a guy or trying to get a conversation going for social reasons and the guy assumes she is flirting.
Guys may be more territorial than women in a certain way.
After all, they are from Mars and women are from Venus, as the book goes.
I myself am often stymied, but one guy said that when he flirts he makes it vauge enough to be open to a variey of interpretatins so he won't get crushed.
Don't know if this helps! This is a great question!!!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (5 April 2008):
 Lazy Guy, I think that we men are not bad at reading women: WE DAMN SUCK AT IT. Like you said, it's not only that we misread them when they are NOT flirting, but we also misread them when they are. And, to be fair, too often women won't speak their minds. Or so we feel.
Women tend to drop hints. Hints, by their very nature, are not absolutely clear; you have to connect the dots. Add this way of speaking to being unable to read a woman, and the only possible result is the millions and millions of problems among men and women that we see here. I don't know the statistics, but, how many posts do we get in Dear Cupid saying "She said she was only being friendly"? Or then, "how come he hasn't called?"
On top of that, if you add the fact that feelings numb your senses, well... do I have to say anything?
My experience is that women are usually fantastic at reading men, but sometimes they also fail miserably. Sometimes you would think you're speaking absolutely clearly and women just don't get it. You say the same thing to a man, and he gets ir right away. Not she.
I believe that we should all be aware of this fact of life. Men don't understand women. Women don't always understand men. And we must have different points of view. We all should learn to be a little more forgiving, perhaps, and a little more willing to speak our minds very, very clearly.
Regretfully, sometimes people do understand what you say, but they prefer to play dumb. I think this makes communication all the more confusing. This is yet another reason to tell it like it is.
Just in an unrelated rant, as is often the case, the scientists came to know this centuries after the first clueless guy got dumped. Well, but at least now they got it. It's as this time when I read that, according to a very complex study of linguistics, scientists discovered that parrots are smart. Oh, that's news to any child who owns one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): Men are bad at reading women. Well, this is often the case! But I guess we can be pretty confusing at times too.
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female
reader, red1982  +, writes (4 April 2008):
I think it's a mixture of both. With my female friends I don't need to spell out what I mean, but with my husband it has to be letter by letter - literally or he just doesn't get it. I always get frustrated because I think that I have clearly said what I meant and he has taken it another way. Less then half of communication is verbal, the rest is eye contact, tone of voice and gestures. You need to concentrate on all of them to get the clear picture.
So I think that women need to be clearer about what they mean (when talking to men), and men need to pay a bit more attention to what's beneath the words!! If they actually listen to what's being said and the way it is said, rather than wondering what underwear she is wearing there may be a bit less trouble!
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