A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Men - how would you feel if a woman pursued you, instead of the other way around? Assuming you did like the person but were shy, would you prefer her to hint at her interest, or be upfront and ask you out? In my case, it's a friend of a friend, whom I met when he was in a relationship over a year ago, which has been over for several months. I was in a relationship myself, which has also ended. Lately I've seen him around town, we've spent a lot of time chatting, and I have developed a crush on him. I get the feeling he may be interested, but he's not flirtatious. Should I say something, or should I just wait and see? I'm pretty outgoing and confident, but I would still feel awkward if he turned me down, and I'm sure he would tell our mutual friend (who is male), which could be embarrassing. Thoughts?
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crush, flirt, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): I would prefer a woman to ask me out directly.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): Up front, ask me out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2008): As a shy man I would really like a woman to ask me out. After all men and women think differently and what you consider a strong hint may go completely unnoticed by him.
You don't say how long you have been out of a relationship. Since I don't know that my advice is to wait for now. That way you can be sure this isn't a rebound for you.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 April 2008):
 I can only speak for myself. I always prefer clear and straightforward words, even if they are blunt. And I would love it if a woman (I liked) wanted to crack my bones.
This is my answer to your question as it was asked. However, I am positive that the right thing to do here is to reverse the question: Should YOU, poster, prefer to drop a hint, or do you prefer to be upfront? Only you can answer that. However, if you're afraid of rejection, try a strong hint first, and then approach and ask him out.
You know, in "Law and Order", Milena Govich (wow) dropped a "hint" on a fellow policeman. It was clear, bold and playful. She came across this policeman she liked, and said "how come you haven't called me if you have my phone number?" The man smiled, et cetera, and then, when she left, she said "And I have a cell phone too". Can you try something like this?
I enjoy this post because for once a woman tastes her own medicine. Do you know now what it feels like to face rejection? And think about gossip? And then go for her, anyways, because otherwise you'll end up with a magazine in your room?
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Hi,
I think most guys would like it. If they didnt then you got the hunter type anyway who enjoys the chase - so you are better off without a guy like that anyway.
Why don't you ask him out somewhere non threatening. Something that can be construed as a date but also as a "get to know you" encounter. A movie, or a day outing .
Go for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): If I was unattached, I'd love it. Come to think of it, I'd love it anyway and would be extremely flattered especially if the lady in question looked anything like Abi Titmuss or Jennifer Ellison.
They say "Faint heart never won fair lady" - well, these days I guess it applies to the opposite sex as well. I've since discovered that several young ladies were waiting for me to ask them out when I was a lot younger. I was shy at the time. If only I'd known what they were thinking, or even better, if only they'd TOLD me what they were thinking! How different my life might have been!
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (10 April 2008):
 Depends on the guy, some men would hate it, they are the hunter, women are their prey and what hunter likes a rabbit with a shotgun?
Other men would welcome it and probably the majority is okay either way.
If he is shy, well you might not have any other choice. Either you make the move or give up on it.
As for hints, sorry, subtle doesn't work on males, as a sex we are bad at reading signals (or women are bad at sending them) so simply smiling at him might not be enough. Shy guys will think you are just being friendly. Wink and they will look behind them to see who you are flirting with.
If a guy is sitting on the ground during a break and a girl sits with her back against him, does this count as a come-on? Well, 15yr old me thought she just wanted to lean against something and the wall was in the shadow. Yes, I was that stupid... okay, still am that stupid.
Go for it, all you risk is a broken heart and terminal embarresment, but you could gain love.
She who dares wins.
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A
female
reader, cute angel +, writes (10 April 2008):
 well hun if your sure about his feelings for u then u must go ahead..if not then give the whole thing some more time because you wouldnt want to rush up and mes it up..if u have commom friends then ask them to ask your crush just generally how he feels about you.if its positive repky ten u must jump in right away!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I just re-read my question...when I said we've been "chatting", I do mean face to face and not online. Every once in a while we exchange funny messages online, but he is so easy to talk to in person, which is why I like him. Thanks.
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