A
female
age
41-50,
*istantshadow
writes:Maybe I'm not cut out to be a mom. He's cute, yes, but too much for me to handle, financially and sleeplessness. It is burdensome and bothersome for me. I'm getting so stress out and burnout from taking care of a baby. I don't have a reliable sitter because I don't have enough money to them or afford a day care. All this is making me lonely and depressed, and I'm crying uncontrollably. So maybe I'm not cut out to be one.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (12 June 2011):
 try this: CHILD HELP USA HOTLINE, 1.800.422.4453. Provides crisis counseling and nationwide referrals to services for children and families.
or google around for help and support in your local area. are you on good terms with your family? could you consider moving house to be closer to them for help with your baby? do you have friends that could help you?
you and the baby are probably stressing each other out, if he is in a temper in the evening maybe a nice warm bath could calm him down. if he is in a temper in the daytime put him in his pushchair and go out with him for a bit, to a park or somewhere calming, will make you both feel better and get some fresh air. or even spend time in your garden or yard if you have one. keep your home as quiet and calm as you can, have the TV on quietly, give your baby plenty of cuddles and play with him, which is probably the last thing you feel like doing at the moment but i think it may help, talk to him plenty, even just about things he doesn't understand. at his age he is probably crying a lot coz he is teething, this will pass, just make sure you make him as comfortable as possible by using teething gels and giving him a teething toy that you have kept in the fridge. if you think he cries excessively take him to your doctor to get checked for any other physical problems
x
A
female
reader, distantshadow +, writes (12 June 2011):
distantshadow is verified as being by the original poster of the question He's 10 months old. He's getting hard for me to handle. I don't have family here and I don't have anyone to take up on offering me a break from motherhood. Just me and a baby. I'm tired. I really am tired and stressing out. I don't get to sleep much. Even if he sleep for 8 hours that's fine. He get temper tantrum at this age. I don't need this. I won't mind having child, if I was not alone in this childraising. His father denied him and deprived him of his father. I get to the breaking point. I don't want to get stress, I can easily getting frustrating, and on a screaming mode. I feel the ambivalence in the relationship with the baby. I don't want to raise one by myself, I don't have energy.
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A
female
reader, vickyhope +, writes (10 June 2011):
i have been through this myself it isn't easy when there isn't any time for u,i do think maybe u should see a doctor as u may be depressed.i refused to take anti depressants at first because i felt i was a bad mum,this is not the case u can't help how u feel and anythink that may help is better than nothing.anti depressants really helped me to relax and look at the positive things more,i was only taking them for a few mths and it really changed things.don't feel your a bad mum because your not!you are only human x
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 June 2011):
it is hard work, no doubt about it you are certainly not the only one who feels like this. ease up on yourself. you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to keep your house tidy if you haven't got time, its ok to stay in your pyjamas for the day if you don't have to go out anywhere. just concentrate on the baby's needs, that the only priority. take naps whenever your baby is asleep, let friends and family help you to look after the baby or to help with your housework or grocery shopping. never be to proud to accept help.
you don't say how old your baby is, it is important that you see your doctor about your feelings, it may be post natal depression, but it may just be that you are worn out with the constant baby care. i have felt the way you do now and it really made me not want to have any more kids! it will get easier though - hang in there
x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Sounds like post partum depression. Go see your doctor. Call friends/ family and ask for help with some breaks. All new moms need a little "me-time".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): I agree with the other goes and see your doctor.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 June 2011):
 How old is your baby?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Oh sweetie, I think every young mum can probably relate to your feelings of desperate tiredness, and your fears about not coping with the emotional, financial, and practical aspects of being a mother. So the first thing to say is: you are not alone! You are not a monster! You are completely normal!
Being a parent is incredibly hard work. Being the parent of a very young child, even more so (it does get easier as time goes on - witness the number of parents who say that the arrival of their second is a massive shock because they'd forgotten how hard it is at the start). I suggest that you sit down right now and call in some help. Relations, friends, your partner - ring someone up, even if only to have a good ole cry with someone supportive. If someone can come over and give you a bit of help getting things straight, or maybe to give you an evening off, even better.
I also think you should go and see a doctor, because it sounds to me as though you may be dealing with something else alongside the huuuuuge stress and strain of being a new parent. It's quite possible you have postnatal depression, in which case you need some medical support and help through this difficult but sadly common disorder.
Please don't forget - you can't look after anyone unless you look after yourself. I know it's hard to find time and money, but try not to neglect your own needs.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 June 2011):
I'm perfectly sure that you're cut out to be a mom. I don't know one parent who hasn't found it hard to be a parent at some point - whether it's when they're babies, or when they're older. I'm not a parent myself, but you can see that it's hard work. As I'm sure other parents will tell you, it's not like children come with a manual that you can use.
It sounds to me like you're slipping into depression, faster than maybe you or anyone else realizes. You've come here for some support, and I'm sure you'll get it. But I would honestly recommend going to your doctor and speaking with them about how you feel.
Also, if you can't afford daycare, is there anyway you could put him into daycare even for just an hour or so, so you can at least have a small break?
And whilst he is sleepless now, he will start to grow out of it - probably not quickly, but he will. Apparently I was a sleepless baby, and 23 years later my mother's done a great job and I do sleep.
It will get better for you, but I think you need more support from your doctor first, who will give you a lot of advice and care.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I would advise you to talk to your doctor and tell them this. I believe they can help you.
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