A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused married woman
writes:I have always been bi-sexual, but preferred men. I met my husband 6 years ago and it has been truly great, however he started a new career and is very involved in it, I am so happy for this new step in his life, although he does come home everyday right after work to spend the rest of the day with us. He is a good man, he is drop dead gorgeous (I have to fend off stupid girls sometimes), and enjoys pleasing me when he is not too tired, so this is an ideal guy right?Well, lately I find myself going on a dating website and looking at other girls, casual encounters type ads, I have gotten so serious about it that I even took dirty pics of me and made my own ad. I have also responded to some girls and have given my number out, I have only been doing this for a week so its only a matter of time before I talk to one of these girls over the phone. My thing is I am starting to get really turned on by women and last time me and my hubby did it I found myself fantasising about another girl! I hate myself for doing this. Just today I was going to phone a girl to meet with her at a hotel, but I felt so bad I decided to not phone her.I think I am at my breaking point, I either go for it and keep that motto in my mind "eatin aint cheatin" or forget about all that take my ad down and try my best to not look there again.Also, I have discussed to my hubby about a 3some, we were into it a while back but a few months ago we got really into Christianity and now it feels weird to talk about that and keep out Christian morals in mind. He said it is better we not do it since it is wrong and I may get jelous and things may change for the worst afterwards. I do not know if he is right and I will indeed get jelous and plead God to take us back in time, or if everything will end up great and open up new things in our marriage. We havent discussed anymore 3some stuff for a while and I do not think if we talk about this again he will be ok with it, I am kind of scarred to bring it up again.I am so confused, I want a man (my man) for a true love, safe haven, good marriage relationship, there is nothing better than a strong man being there for you as your husband, but I also want a girl to get nasty with, I guess its safe to say I only view the females as a sexual object, hit it and quit it kind of thing, never anything emotional with them.I just dont know what to do, I wish I wasent so discusting and would have eyes for no one else but my man.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): HonningKanin, hit the nail on the head. I couldn't of said it better.
Alas, this is the reason, I let the bi-guy go: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-need-opinions-from-married-or-committed-bi.html
I knew no matter how GOOD it was it MAY have lead to something like this.
Good luck, I hope what's on the menu is worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2009): Well. Dont cheat. You dont want to. And even if you do it will only release your tension for that little while, and it wont fix anything. You are bisexual but never tried being with another woman? Or you have been with a woman before?
Try to explain this to your husband, that this is a side you desire to explore, by having a threesome. Even if the threesome isnt successful, at least you tried it and know. Often the grass is greener on the other side.
I guess since you brought out that your hubby got a new job/career, you feel this has something to do with the issue? Then why not address that issue instead of wondering whether to cheat or not? He's got something new going on, perhaps you feel boring and wish you had something new and exciting too? Finding a girl might just give you the kick and spark you need right now. But other things might to the same. There are lots of "forbidden" things to do that aren't cheating.
For example you can start up your own collection of sex toys? Or you can secretly join a bungee jumping group? Or get your own new job (just a small part time one every now and then for example, haha, not a whole new career)! Make it a secret and then surprise your hubby later on with a vacation!
All Im saying is: find out WHY you want to go to online sites and be with girls. You dont want to cheat, thats clear. So I highly doubt cheating will make you happy, it certainly isnt a solution to anything. But find out the underlying reasons for why you feel this need, and if that need can be taken care of by other means.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 "eatin aint cheatin"? What looney tune gave you that motto?
Would you like it if you husband just ate out a girl or even in your position, lets say he was buy, and just gave head to guys. I am guessing by the way you phrase "(I have to fend off stupid girls sometimes)" means you wouldn't be.
One of the things you need to stop doing is tempting yourself. I am no Christian, but I do know a thing or two about cause and affect of the decisions and actions you do. I am pretty sure however that the dating site, the raunchy photos and handing numbers over for illicite meetings are generally Christian "No-Nos." This is generally why I have a problem with people asking god for help when they should be helping themselves and fortifying their resolve on their own. No one is going to do that except for yourself and it will and has to start by you deleting your dating site account. If you keep putting cake infront of someone who is deiting there is a high chance they are going to eat it. Its best not to even give yourself that option. You need to be able to say know, put yourself in a strong mental mind state so you continue to say no otherwise you are gonna end up saying yes and fucking over your marriage cause I hate to tell you "eating is cheating."
Sure you are not going to stop liking girls and I dont understand why its wrong to be turned on by girls, but sweety you dont need to act on them. I think deep down you know this and you know your husband would be very hurt with your current actions, never mind if you actually did act on your desires. Be strong and concentrate on what you could lose when those desires come up. Would it really be worth it if he found out about it?
Goodluck
HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 November 2009):
You can't have both. You have to choose. It's either your husband, or another woman. He will be utterly broken if you cheat. You're not disgusting, but I would really think about what you want in life, not just for now.
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